Ask Kegasus: The Prince of Preakness answers your questions

May 19, 2011

All hail the the Lord of the Infield! In a way that only he can, Kegasus took time out of his busy schedule of creating epicness in the Infield to answer all your questions about Preakness, his YouTube debut, and anything else you've been dying to know.

Greetings cyber monkeys! Behold the awesomeness of Kegasus!! What? There's no video feed? Only chat? OK fine you'll just have to use your imagination then. Let thine questions commence!

Why aren't you in the race? Lack of graded stakes earnings? I figure you come off no worse than 3-2 on the morning line. -Snarf (of Thundercats fame)

Who says I'm not? Little known fact, centaurs also have the power of invisibility. I've actually won all 136 runnings but out of respect to my stallmates, I keep that on the down low. I do it for the cardio.

Kegasus, If there are those who would like to race in your honor by sprinting across the tops of portable bathrooms, will these activities be available? Are any other contests lined up?

how UNlegendary. I once saw a guy fall through the top of one of those potties and he came out dyed blue. Keep that in mind Smurfette.

You're half-man, half-horse. Would you consider your thirst for beer to be.... inhuman? The Show (Orlando, FL)

I would consider my thirst for a legendary party to be insatiable. While I do imbibe in the occassional frosty pop, I have many duties on race day such as judging the bikini contest so I have to be on top of my game. A legendary centaur's work is never done.

On race day, do you share your beer with others? How many kegs do you go through on race day? What type of beer are we likely to find in these kegs? The Jif (Melbourne, FL)

My boyz the Clydesdales are personanly delivering some ice cold Budweiser Select. Unfortunately their dalmation sidekick is on the DL. He caught a nasty cold from a Toy Poodle down in Cozumel. 

How often do you have to change the keg in your stall? Ybas (Longwood, FL)

Not nearly as much as I have to change the sheets in Mucho Macho Man's stall let me tell you. #bedwetter

I would just like to say that Saturday should be a great day for Baltimore, and therefore the world.

Uhhh hello I think you mean THE UNIVERSE! (Insert maniacal laugh here)

Almighty Kegasus, may we ask thee to grant us with short lines for bottomless beer mugs and even shorter lines at the Port-a-pots?

Done. The new Mug Club is sweet. But please do me a favor and don't get the two lines mixed up. It could get ugly.

When is the last time the winner of the Kentucky Derby was NOT favored in the Preaknes? (assuming s/he ran in the Preakness of course)

2009 Burrell rode Mine that Bird to victory at the Derby but then switched horses and rode Rachel Aelxandra so the bird got his wings clipped.

After 8 visits, I haven't been back to Pimlico since they banned coolers. Tell me why, of mighty Kegasus, I should return now? The Bruiser (Central FL)

Bruno Mars, Train , Phil Vassar, Puddle of Mudd, Hotspur, Mr Greengenes! Next question!!

What are some of the great secrets of the Preakness track that you may please tell us? Are there any particular points in the track where one should avoid?

Jimmy Hoffa is buried at turn two. His ghost trips the inside horse. #creepy

Is there any sort of drunk bus for those of us who don't plan on drinking in moderation?

it's called a taxi. bring an extra pine scented air freshener for the ride home. as a favor to the driver.

Almighty Kegasus, is there a chance that the bikini contest will be bottomless like the beer mugs?

If you were a Thoroughbred your name would be "Dirty Bird".

With the new all-you-can-drink cup, won't I simply end up getting a beer, then going right to the back of the line and drinking it while waiting to get another? What can you, Lord of the Infield, do about this? HELP ME KEGASUS !!! Beer Swilling Maniac with a bucket of chestnuts

Unless you too are a legendary centaur that can bend the space-time continumum and be in two places at once, why would you want to spend all day at the taps and miss the Cornhole tourney? I'm confused.

Will you roam the infield and crush beers during the races?

Sorry the only thing that I crush these days are Jimmy Page guitar solos when I school Shackleford in Guitar Hero.

How often do you spill beer on your hooves?

And ruin my mani? Are you kidding! #metrosexual

Where are you chatting from right now?

I'm in a small village in the Andies. My laptop is perfectly balanced on my sherpa's head. Just needed some fresh air.

They could wear the same colors as the jockeys.

I have some pom poms with your name on them. Bring it! It's already been brought!

How did you come to be? Was it a failed teleporter experiment? Brundlefl..... uh, I mean.... John Doe

Actually it all started at a Rush concert in Jersey. My parents were huge fans. I'll let you fill in the blanks.

Boxers or briefs?

I'll be brief, boxers.

Are you attracted to women or mares? Or (*gulp*) both? Shoe (Orlando)

Don't think I don't know it's you again Andrew Shoe. For the last time, I'm spoken for. It's an arranged marriage. Her dowry beter be filled with Cheese Puffs.

If any of the numbnuts show up who thought it was a great idea to run across portable toilets and throw full beer cans, can you tell them for me that they suck for ruining your precious Infield? Thanks.

Fear not, we told them the race was moved to Dollywood. Or was it Bollywood?

Your offspring would be lightning fast, and have an unquenchable thirst for beer. It'd be the horse equivalent of me. Charlie Sheen (Planet Thoknoxisgronk)

We actually dated briefly but she kept drinking straight out of the milk carton. Disgusting.

I see you favor Animal Kingdom. Can you please fill out my trifecta wager for me? Much obliged. Sincerely, Sir Alouicius Fartenbottom

Dear Sir Fartenbottom I have never spoken to a real life knight before. this is truly an honor. As a knight you obviously live by a strict code of conduct which obviously keeps me from giving you the trifecta answer. Now go slay something.

My brother is also a manimal. Would you ever consider meeting him and racing him in a chug-off?

Seriously Emilio? Did Charlie put you up to this?

There are rumors that you have been seen with several pretty female centaurs at the same time at a Beyonce concert. Care to comment?

Guilty as charged. And afterward I was chillin backstage with Jay Z.  I think his Nets investment would have been better spent on 3-year old.

Mighty Kegasus, you are too awesome for words. Where did you get that fantastic horn you're drinking from in your photo? Love, Joey Fontonyots.

bought it out of a dude's trunk on canal st NYC. it's actually a Hermes knockoff but don't tell anyone.

Do you favor bonging beer or shotgunning beer?

neither. I prefer sipping Black Eyed Susans while listeing to the musical pinings of Bruno Mars. I draw the line at the drink umbrella though.

When you were but a pony Kegasus (get it?) how did you spend your time? Beef from Philadelphia

Never heard that one before. Seriously, I've never heard that one before. Well played sir. I spent my days playing pony league baseball. Had a wicked slider but after my second Tommy Johns surgery on my rear quarters I called it quits.

What's the number one thing to do at Preakness this year?


How much is it? I'm incredibly cheap. Jer-Mac Logo

you can't put a price on a legendary even tlike this.

ok fifty bucks. six concerts. heck of a deal.

Will you be back next year? Please say you will. Hot Stephy

I'd answer yes to anything asked by a person named "Hot Stephy"

Are you for real? I will bring a group of ushers that volunteer at the Preakness. We need a pic with you.....

plenty of photo-ops I'll be there!!

I look forward to seeing you all at InfieldFest on Saturday. And remember to always BE LEGENDARY!!!!!

In This Chat
Kegasus is the modern heir to the coveted party goblet symbolic of the rich tradition of Pimlico mythology. Half man, half Thoroughbred, all party manimal, Kegasus is the son of Preaknesius - God of the Preakness - and Shelly McDougal the waitress from Ellicot City, a suburb just outside Baltimore. Aka Lady of the Bottomless Refill, Shelly was a legendary goodtime gal who fell deeply in love with Preaknesius. Kegasus was born of the funny bone of Shelly in the back of Preknesius's lightning fast El Camino.

Upon Kegasus' birth, the Gods rejoiced and wept tears of joy, which fell gracefully onto the Pimlico infield. These joytears created a magical garden of beer and the villagers danced and played Cornhole 'til dawn.

And so his legend grows. Kegasus roams the Infield, leading the way to epic good times. A legend, a manstallion, a god. All hail the Lord of the Infield! The Prince of the Preakness! All hail Kegasus!

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