Chatological Humor: How often should you wear your underwear?

Aug 20, 2019

You asked for it and you got it. Gene will now be holding weekly mini-chats, where he takes your questions about what's happening in the country — and anything else you want to discuss.

Here is this week's poll: One is for women, and one is for men.

Good afternoon. 

So, many of you are aware that I am in an extremely good-natured standoff with my editors at The Post over the house rule that we MUST mention Jeff Bezos's ownership of the Post anytime any of our stories mentions Amazon, in any context at all.  I get the philosophy behind the rule -- it is an admirable show of transparency -- but it results in some amazingly awkward lines. 

The other day I realized that there might come a time where this crystallized in a particularly painful way:  When I write those occasional columns that are entirely in doggerel.   So I asked my editors whether I would have to write the following: 

 

The Post is owned by Jeffrey Bezos
A man with lots and LOTS of pesos
Due to his Amazon bonanza -- 
Which explains this stupid f------g stanza.

No answer yet!  (It also occurs to me that because the top of this chat mentioned Amazon, I might actually have HAD to write that poem here. )

--

Okay, lessee.   There was something online that all of you must see if you have not already done so.   It is here.   Now, I know a few of you might not be fully fluent in Yiddish, so I am going to translate.  I love Yiddish because it is SO filled with pejorative expressions. 

So: 

L to R, top to bottom: Swine, thief, liar, bastard, a nobody, an annoying hanger-on, another nobody, a dick, a no-talent, a hapless idiot, a dick, a moocher, a shame to all jews, a bully, a powerful man, and a hypocrite.

Good, then.  

Please take the poll.  It was based on a survey conducted by the undies company Tommy John.  USA Today actually rescinded  the story a couple days later because they realized, in a slap-to-the-forehead revelation, that an underwear company might be biased in how it presented such information.  However, interestingly, our results sort of validate Tommy John's.   The main difference is that Tommy seems OUTRAGED that people don't throw their skivvies out after 6 months of wear.  

Okay, we start at noon sharp. 

Okay, I am publishing this here but hope most of you will access it before the chat, or wait till afterwards.  It is a David Blaine appearance on Jimmy Fallon's show a few years ago.  I know how he did the last trick -- he had actually swallowed a frog -- but how the hell did he do the first ones? 

Is the Republican party mainly corrupt, myopic and anti-democratic?

They are not myopic.  They see clearly what they are doing.  But they are anti-democratic, and corrupt.   Also, for the most part, currently, in unquestioningly supporting this president, treasonous.   

I own over 100 pairs of underwear. I only like about half of them, though, so when I get to the point that I don't like any of the clean ones but also don't feel like doing laundry, I usually just buy some more. 38/F/Hot

Why would anyone want 100 pair of underpants?   I have been made to understand a hundred pair of SHOES, but... 

The last question on the poll made me think for a second. I wear boxers every day because I sit in a comfy chair for a living -- but every other day, I wear fancy synthetic boxer briefs for an hour for my morning run. The plain cotton boxers wear out more quickly by comparison. And I still have my first pair of fancy Patagonia synthetic stuff, from 2005, worn for a sum total of maybe a couple hundred hours. So there we are.

I continue to ask a question that has bedeviled me for years:  Why would any man wear boxers?  They do nothing.  They give no support.  They hold nothing up.   They gird nothing.   They are like a toga for your crotch.   WTF?

Who are these women, apparently a lot of us, who replace all of their underwear every year? When I find a pair that I like, I will hold onto it disintegrates and floats away like Voldemort at the end of Harry Potter. I have underwear older than my children and no shame about it.

Yeah, there was a male comedian who once pantomimed the same joke.  Said he kept underwear until... then he held an invisible pair up, blew on it, and showed with his hands that they had disappeared. 

And you men are gross!

Of course! 

> "He is fascinated by sex, is mystified by, and in love with women, and finds the mating dance hilarious." ---Ugh. OK, I know I sound curmudgeonly here and I swear I'm not an old prude (far from it), but can I just say I get tired of the *excuse* that "loves women" means one can write a lame joke at our expense and pretend it's at the expense of men? This cartoon illustrates that women--no matter how talented, how professional they're being--are still reduced to sexual objects for men who can't even bother to not be gross pervs at a freaking *piano concert*! What hope is there for the rest of us if we are constantly reminded that--no matter what we do--guys CANNOT take us seriously? "Oh, well but it's funny b/c they got in trouble!" --No, no it isn't. They got their jollies, they got the dirty looks from their "less-attractive" wives (c'mon--they're covered up to their necks at an evening concert?), and we all...laugh at the "boys will be boys"? I both get it and find it cliche at best.

This is in reference to this cartoon, which we discussed a couple of weeks ago.  I certainly understand your point of view; I was, however, reporting a fact: Women seem to like this comic strip. It's hard to judge it from one example, of course. 

Brooke, I think, views men as the inferior half of the species.   I think that comes through. 

I will say that, as he explained it to me, this strip was occasioned by his observance of videos of a few famously scantily clad female pianists, for whom "scantily clad" is a joyful part of their schtick.   His first thought was, "brilliant," "you don't have to be as good if you deliberate divert attention elsewhere."

Anyway, point taken,. 

What do you think of the offensive explosion this weekend? Four out of five games with 12-plus runs? Wow! I'm OD'ing on Papa John's Mambo Chicken Pizza!!

I am high on the Nats going forward.  Nats-Yanks World Series will kill me. 

Jimmy blinks at 10 and at hearts, so I called the 10 of hearts before he pulled it out. I would guess there were other nonverbal cues that Blaine picked up on when Fallon was counting numbers and then naming suits. A fun and easy trick to do with a partner is to claim you can read their mind to get their card. Instead, you're doing the same -- counting or naming -- while you put your hand on their head. The trick is that you have a finger on their temple, which flexes when they clench their teeth so they can clue you in.

That cannot possibly explain it.  It is too hit and miss.  The chances for error are huge, and Blaine cannot afford an error. 

From now on the words "Tommy John Surgery" will conjure a horrifying image.

I had the same thought. 

My doc at today’s checkup had a helper who typed up his notes as we spoke. Fine. No problem. But the helper was repeatedly called his “scribe.” Don’t scribes copy documents? I would have used note taker, stenographer, or amanuensis. I blame this issue for raising my blood pressure. That is all.

See, I have a different problem, sort of the opposite one.  We inkstained wretches often call ourselves scribes.   David Simon's email address has "scribe" in it.    So, you know.  That person is not a "scribe."

My 9 year old has been on a joke-telling kick and this is one of her favorites: Have you heard about the new movie Constipation? It hasn't come out yet.

WOW, I love that.  I am going to use it in my next "pokes" column!   What is your daughter's name -- I will give her credit. 

This may be another poll. I could think of nobody more qualified to pontificate on this to but you. When sitting on the ceramic throne for number 2, and nobody else is home, do you still close the bathroom door? I do because it just feels wrong with the door open.

I do not.   I am not entirely proud of that.  

But you know, I don't worry about Murphy being icked out. 

I have a question about hygiene. As part of every dinner at home, my wife and I have a course of fruit. Of course some fruits should be washed before eating. After my wife washes apples, peaches, plums, etc., she dries them with...the kitchen towel we use to dry our hands after washing them. I find this utterly disgusting. When I mention this to her, she gets mad at me. So I often try to prepare the fruit myself so I can dry it with a paper towel. Safe, clean, and sanitary. My question for you is whether you agree with me that drying fruit using a somewhat used hand towel is disgusting. The funny thing is that of the two of us she's generally the germophobe. She's out toward the tail of the bell curve in many everyday situations. But not this one.

"Utterly disgusting"?   

Are you disgusted by the fact that your wife is handling the fruit?   I think I like your wife better than I like you.  

For the folks who said that they've worn the same pair of underwear for a week, I'd like to hear some details of the situation that caused this. Abject poverty? Lost in the woods? Sheer curiosity? Lucky pair and you were playing in the World Series? No skid marks, no reason to change them? Please help me understand.

Well, it's mostly men, so no details are needed.  They are men.  

Who would you root for? Who would Rachel root for?

I would suffer the call of my youth.  The Yankees, clearly.  But it would bother me a bit.  Rachel would root for David Mamet or Martin McDonah.  She gives no craps about sports. 

For the same reason baby-boomers wore tighty-whities. Because boomer's fathers wore boxers and millenial's fathers wore tighty-whities. Whatever your father wore is old-fashioned and who wants to be old-fashioned like their father? I predict next generation boys will be back in jockey underwear.

Okay. 

Ventilation and friction prevention. Wearing boxers promotes ventilation (high testes temperature = low sperm count) I have big legs, and if I wore briefs I'd have rashes on my inner thighs.

So you need no ... support?

Why wasn’t the first question “Do you wear underpants”?

Estimates, please: What percentage of the denizens of this chat do not typically wear underpants?   Can't be more than one, right?   

I mean, for one thing, wearing undies allows you to wear jeans for, like, 9 days straight, right?  Otherwise, you'd just be washing your JEANS more often.  RIGHT?

I have only worn the same pair of underpants for two days running in exigent circumstance, i.e., I did not return home to have the opportunity to change them, for one reason or another. Is there another reason why people would do this? Once or twice I've been traveling and run out of underwear without the opportunity to wash them. In those cases, I changed from the underpants I was wearing to a pair I'd worn a few days earlier, on the theory that they'd had a chance to air out.

All men living alone know that last trick.  

Check out who teaches about artificial intelligence at the University of Malta. https://timesofmalta.com/articles/view/using-ai-and-the-crowd-to-learn-a-language.711046

Excellent.   I propose a new verb, to "Borg," meaning to defeat with AI.   Deep Blue borged Kasparov in 1997. 

I noticed something about myself a few years ago: Certain activities in my life trigger specific memories ... memories that have no connection whatsoever to the activity. For example -- washing dishes often triggers a memory of a specific episode of "Little House on the Prairie." I have no experiential connection between the two otherwise, as far as I know, and there's no connecting theme between the activity and the old memory. Weird, right? My best guess is that somehow, for some reason, my brain has neurologically linked the two things that are otherwise unrelated. Just curious if anyone else experiences this.

I'll put that out there but the notion of "triggers" does remind me that if I rub my finger in my mouth between my cheek and gum line, my ear canal itches.  Dentist told me this is part of a little understood system of random "triggers" some people get.  So now you know. 

Hi Gene, occasionally I notice a factual inaccuracy on the Washington Post website. When I do I try to leave a comment below the article. However, I’ve noticed that the article is almost never corrected based upon the comment. Where should corrections be submitted?

Boy, I dunno.   Yu,  do you have a sense of what to do about this? 

Hi there, you can submit corrections to corrections@washpost.com. 

The best part of the David Baline video is Jimmy Fallon being owned by his Inner Child.

Agreed! 

Rotate your underwear front to back then flip inside out and repeat. That gives you 4 days of "coverage."

I refuse to dignify this with a response. 

Two weeks ago you included a strip that ended with the two me looking -what? sheepish? busted? - for seemingly looking up the dress of the pianist. You wrote that no one commented on it. I did and submitted a post about Yuja Wang, the fantastically talented pianist who wears tight, skimpy and slitted dresses with towering stilettos in concerts. She could wear a burlap sack and she could sell out huge concert halls. Every straight man (and some gay men) I know comments on her attire. Some try to sit in the front of the orchestra level to the right of the piano in order to watch her legs moving around. Serious musicians prefer to sit on the left and higher up in the auditorium in order to watch her hands.

Yeah, I know.  There was a miscommunication between me and the Post on that.  A few people HAD written in, but I hadn't seen em.  

Anyway, you hit the nail on the head.  The artist was reacting to her show, and that of another pianist with a similar ethos. 

Is this the new GF? Maybe I missed a column.

Yes.  And yes, you missed something in a chat.  You can look it up!  

I think that the medical profession wanted a term that sounds better and is shorter than note-taker etc. And they aren't secretaries. They have to know medical terminology and many are young people hoping to become doctors themselves one day and this experience helps them get into med school. (mother of pediatrician who got advice to do this- but got experience in other ways)

Understood. 

https://arvanaghi.com/blog/explaining-david-blaine's-ten-card-trick/

Thank you!  Can't read it now.  Does it really explain it adequately?

You can get around this by either always washing and drying the fruit yourself, or buying enough kitchen towels to change them every day. Of course you could always just get over yourself.

Exactly!   

You can find the reporter's email address by clicking on the byline, then email directly to the source.

Good idea. 

Why on earth would you close the bathroom door if you're the only one home and know that no one else is going to show up? It diffuses the smell, at least, and I prefer to not be confined in a small room if I don't have to be. Semi-related: my nose runs when I poop. Is that weird? --Mid-40s female

I have heard of this before.  I think it is an unusual vaso-vegal effect.   There are worse ones.  There are people who faint when they pee. 

letters@washpost.com is where. Comments should not exist.

Good.  I disagree about comments.  I love comments.  They just need to be monitored a bit. 

Hi there, this is Yu, community editor at The Post, and a producer on this chat. 

Corrections should be submitted to corrections@washpost.com

Letters to the editor should be sent to letters@washpost.com. (Some examples here.)

And any feedback about the comments can be emailed to comments@washpost.com. Thanks!

Thanks to you thousands, ... well, hundreds, ... TENS of people are now rubbing their finger in their mouth between the cheek and gum line.

Does anyone get an ear-canal tickle?

So you're saying a towel used to dry hands is "clean?" Clean enough to wipe food you're about to eat raw? So there'd never be a need to replace that towel, I guess.

You wash the damn towel, right?

I think you are underestimating the ability of magicians to read people's tells. The cards are marked so he knows which ones he's holding. He asked Fallon to recite the cards and the suits. If he still wasn't certain he would have asked other questions until he was sure. Fallon is not in control of his emotions during the entire bit so he would be an easy mark.

I get the first part -- the marked cards.   I do not think he relies on chance, though.   I saw no "tells" in Fallon's reading.  Surely nothing strong enough to warrant a guess. 

This may be TMI but, here goes: As a woman who wears underwear, I can tell you that--for most of us--underwear tends to go through several phases: "Really nice" to "nice" to "OK but not my favorite" to "it's that time of the month" usage. That process--coupled with owning several pairs--takes *way* longer than 6 months! Idk what Tommy Johns is thinking; that people only have a week's worth of underwear, so each one is going through dozens of washes and will be threadbare in 6 months' time? They may be disappointed (and faux-outraged), but if one buys good quality underwear, and owns multiple pairs, one can easily have them for much longer (hell, I've had some for *years* that I'm finally throwing out b/c they no longer fit properly, not because they've fallen apart).

Oh, I can TELL you what Tommy John's is thinking.  They are think WE WANT TO SELL MORE UNDERPANTS. 

If the thought of your dog's poop sitting in a landfill for all eternity bothers you, shell a few bucks for the biodegradable bags. I don't like to use newspaper or grocery bags anyway, because holes and tears are too common, and I prefer not to get s*** on my hands. I can recycle those at my local supermarket; they get turned into building material for decks. And I don't get many grocery bags anyway, because I bring my own. And yes, I'm insufferable on this issue.

Yes, I use the biodegrades when I am not using the Post bags, WHICH ARE GREAT FOR THIS PURPOSE AND A REAL REASON TO SUBSCRIBE TO THE PRINT EDITION. 

You are working. I am on vacation, and momentarily I am heading down to the beach with the family. I think this is the way things should be. Do you agree?

Yes, but... sharks.   I could be the lucky one. 

When I was younger -- in my teens and 20s -- I used to get what I called "tears in my ears." Whenever I got teary-eyed, I'd also get the sensation of dripping in my ear canals.

OKAY, that is weird. 

Gene, When using a public restroom that is single-person, mixed gender, do you leave the toilet seat up or down? I sometimes leave it up on the suspicion that the next man behind me won't bother to lift the seat and being the type of person who wouldn't lift the seat is also not as careful with his aim. However, I will occasionally run in to a woman who is entering the facility after I'm leaving and I feel a deep sense of shame at leaving the seat up for her.

I have a secret theory.   I am testing it here.  I think women would prefer to encounter a seat up than a seat down in such a situation, for exactly the reason you mention.  She doesn't have to worry that a man TRIED to aim through the seat. 

"And others, when the bagpipe sings i' the nose, cannot contain their urine." from I forget which Shakespeare play.

Hm.   That is great.  It is referencing a sneeze?

I organized my underwear drawer by style (thongs, hipsters, etc) and folded them, using the Marie Kondo technique. I counted them as I did so - 99. Some are at least a decade old. I have since then tossed maybe 3-4, but I've also purchased a few more. I seriously have underwear to last me until I die.

You, madam, are a goddess of underpants.  Notice I do not allow for the possibility that you are male, because you are not. 

Cheez, I use my tshirt. I'm a barbarian.

I'll do that, too. 

I work from home so I often shower every other day. I change my underwear when I shower. And I have know idea how old some of them are, but I haven't bought any for several years. Boxer briefs and my husband and I wear the same size, so only 1 drawer for our oldish collection. No, I'm not a hot woman who wears boxer briefs if you were thinking that. Just a middle aged gay guy.

I like the idea of sharing underpants.  In hetero marriages, that doesn't usually work.  I envy you.  

I don't have specific triggers with the same memory each time but I will be doing something and suddenly a memory pops up. The first time I was conscious of this happening was when I was around 19 and I was playing the piano and suddenly the bridge over the stream at the youth hostel my Girl Scout troop had stayed at in Wales the year before popped into my head. I have no idea what the connection was as there was no music involved in the stay. Pop-up memories like that still happen but they are always different memories- except sometimes when I'm going down the stairs to our first floor in our house the memory of flying toward the railing when I fell down the stairs when I was 4 comes to mind.

This is an interesting phenomenon.  I may research it for next chat. 

I change my undies when I change my clothes, get into the shower, or otherwise have a reason to take them off (other than going to the bathroom). Once they are off my body, they do not go back on. As a result, I frequently change my undies 2x a day. I just can't stomach the thought of putting dirty undies back on, and once they are off my body, they're dirty. I'll only do it if I have no choice. Of course, I'm a woman. I understand why men don't change them as often given the anatomical differences, but that's the exact reason why they are "dirty" so quickly to my mind.

Well, there is an issue we haven't discussed, but I am reluctant to go there lest it seem I am letting guys off the hook.  

But, yeah, women have a greater healthy-hygienic reason to change their underwears more often.   It's basically all about how close the urinary opening is to the vulnerable interior of the body.  But you all know that. 

What's your thoughts on the Conservative Freakout happening about the big slavery discussion at the NYT. I find it funny how obvious they are. "If we look too hard at how this country was founded, we might think less of it, and we might have to change what we're currently doing and that would be BAD."

It is appalling.   I'd agree it was myopic, but I think it is more malign than that.   It actually reminds me of the conservative opposition to dealing with climate change.   There is Truth, and there is what conservatives WANT the truth to be, and are willing to be willfully ignorant to achieve it. 

For the love of God, put the seat down. And if you dribble on the seat, just wipe it off. And ladies, please stop squatting. Most restrooms are cleaned regularly. They only get nasty when people do nasty things like pee on the seat. There is nothing on that toilet seat that is going to give the back of your legs any sort of disease. If another, more sensitive, part of your body is touching the seat, you are using the toilet incorrectly. If you MUST hover, please wipe your pee off the seat. While I am not concerned about getting your germs on the back of my legs from sitting in a puddle of piss, it's still gross. I will die on this hill.

Okay, I am publishing this because your earnestness is making me laugh.   And you're mostly right.  Particularly the "back of the legs" thing. 

I married a woman who is a Die Hard Nats Fan. She monopolizes the television between April and October, and has a partial season package. I, the husband, am the somewhat reluctant spouse. Our marriage would be much less exciting if she wasn't such a hard core fan. I don't need to be watching the television or listening to the radio to know how a game is going. All I have to do is listen for my wife's exclamations. I can be making dinner in the kitchen while she is in the living room watching a Nats game. When a Nat hit s along fly ball, I'll hear, "Get out of there! GET OUT OF THERE!!" If it's a home run, I'll hear loud cheering. If the fly ball is caught, I'll hear loud, nasty references to the player's mother and/or the player's sexual/scatological habits. I'll bet Rachel doesn't have that level of enthusiasm when watching a play.

Actually, she does!  She just keeps it to herself because, y'know, rooting from the audience is not cool. 

I thought of your chat yesterday morning when I was walking my dog and, as she was pooping, realized the bad dispenser was empty. I was far enough from home that I couldn't realistically leave the poop on my neighbor's lawn, run home, get bags, run back and get the poop. And what if they happened to be looking out their window?! Luckily there was a big leaf on their lawn so I grabbed it, grabbed the poop, and walked home with it like that. It helped that my dog is 1. very small and 2. a firm pooper. I tucked it into a bag of lawn compostables waiting for pickup by the town and realized what I had done was much more eco-friendly than the usual, even if I do use biodegradable bags.

Alas, Murphy is a large dog. When I do the leaf thing I have to wash off as soon as I get home.  And getting home involves holding my hand in front of me, like a zombie seeking brains. 

It is a RULE that you must buy new underwear whenever you end a relationship, especially if you made the decision to end it. You must also buy new sheets.

I have heard this, too. 

I have no reaction (other than "yuck") to the fancy cigar revival that's been around too long, but one faint whiff of a cheap American cigar (White Owl or Dutch Masters) and I'm instantly six years old sitting on the front steps of a midwestern farmhouse porch with my grandfather and great-uncles relaxing in their rocking chairs after a hard day on the tractor.

Me, too. 

I feel nearly as strongly about re-wearing socks as I do underwear. This is an illogical, visceral reaction: I know there's nothing wrong with putting on dirty socks, and that my feet are not exactly clean, but still...I can't stand the feeling of putting on dirty socks!

Hm.  I don't get this.  I'll reuse sox. 

OK, only my love for your chat and your daring to handle weird topics could drive me to type this... When my husband is playing with my nipples, my teeth tingle. It's a really weird sensation. Kinda glad I never had children to nurse.

AREN'T YOU GLAD THIS IS AN ANOYMOUS CHAT?  Thank you for sharing.  It is making me laugh. 

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/03/14/dog-owners-urged-use-stick-flick-method-instead-poo-bags/

Sorry, but this is nuts. What if there is no undergrowth?  Besides, a lot of poo is of a consistency that does not readily "flick."

I didn't watch SUPER closely, but I did catch that when the person was counting from 10 to 13, Blaine stops him at 10 and pats the pile before asking him to continue up to 13. That's when Blaine added 7 more cards to get to 20. Getting the other two to come up with a number equal to 7 is probably a relatively simple matter of forcing them to pick a range and then using whatever mathematical operator you need to get to 7.

That is possible.  I'll look again! 

Of course I know the age of my oldest undies. These are underpants I purchased in August of 1996, during a three-week working trip to Spain with 16-hour work days almost every day (followed by one week at a conference in Austria before finally heading home). I discovered that public laundries did not exist in Spain in the 90's -- with no irony or humor, I was informed that anyone who did not have their own laundry facilities simply took their dirty clothes home for their mother to wash. That not being an option, I managed to get out to a department store where I bought underwear. Which led to the discovery that Spanish men apparently are equipped differently from American men, such that the opening for a primary bodily function is a horizontal slot through which one extends the necessary parts. My parts extend through the slot on their own because they don't know how to stay behind this ineffective barricade, leading not so much to "going commando" as "going Kilroy". These became the underwear of last resort, the underwear at the bottom of the drawer that say "it is urgent that you get the laundry done." My modest increase in girth since 1996 has not helped to make these underwear more comfortable. The knowledge that the Spanish underwear are waiting for me means that I have always gotten the laundry done before the very end for at least the past decade. But I still have them, for emergencies. Also, the fabric is very nice and soft.

I really like "Going Kilroy."

I know Kushner is a Shanda. It's not even close. But the way he married a shiksa to go with it is what puts him over the top. Almost like a caricature of it.

That is certainly part of the shanda tapestry, but it is not as important as is the fact that most of his alleged misfeasances are financial.  

Again, to be a shanda for the goyim, you not only have to be Jewish and do bad things, but do bad things in an arena that meets an unfair stereotype of why Jews are Bad.  

I know that my oldest underpants are four years old. I know that because these are some that my wife dyed for me in a variety of jolly colors, before she got sick and could not do that kind of task anymore. So, having them is rather bittersweet. And thank you for turning this old man a little verklempt.

Snif.

I know exactly how old my oldest pair of underwear is. It's the pair my now spouse gave me the night we first had sex. So it is 27 years, six months and six days old (at least, that's how long it's been since I came into possession of said underwear). I do not wear this underwear any more because my spouse does not like to be reminded that there was a time when we had sex.

Well, this made me laugh, but a little nervously.  Well done.  

"I love Yiddish because it is SO filled with pejorative expressions." It seems that way because that's what people who don't know the language focus on. For an example ?האסטו א שפיגל

This means "do you have a mirror?" according to Google translate.  Not sure I get your point.  I see this as pejorative, too. 

I thought April Ryan was one of the good guys. https://www.nj.com/middlesex/2019/08/cnn-journalist-april-ryans-bodyguard-charged-with-assault-for-forcibly-removing-reporter-from-event.html

This looks awful, but honestly, until we know more, I don't see how she can be held responsible an impetuous act by her bodyguard.    On an unrelated matter, where are we when a journalist who is under attack by the president feels the need to hire a bodyguard?

A recession is a bad thing and hurts people, so it would be bad to root for one, right? But there will be one eventually, and the current recovery has already lasted longer than any in US history. So would it be so bad to hope that the pain, when it inevitably comes, comes as a time that will do maximum damage to Trump's re-election chances?

I think that's a reasonable position.   What would not be reasonable is if you are in a position to DO something to provoke a recession, and do.  

I *knew* you'd have a poll about this! So, you take a shower Friday after work, get dressed and go out for dinner, or whatever. The next day you've got nothing going on -- just kicking around the house, Netflix-and-chilling, or whatever. You're definitely gonna take a shower and change your underwear in order to do that? Uh, I may, but I may well not. Only 22% of people would consider not changing their underwear in that scenario? I don't believe it. And why in the world would I replace my underwear in less than a year? It can go much longer than that before it starts literally falling apart! : )

Well, there's a simple answer to that first part:  This is saying two straight days.   If you put em on Friday night after a shower, you are only one day in by Saturday night.  Changing them Sunday morning is NOT two full days.  That's one day. 

On the other stuff, the poll was paralleled to the survey, which found similar results.  The key is that the survey company, Tommy John, recommends replacing underwear every six months (duh), which is of course ridiculous though very much in the company's interest.  They were appalled that so many people actually hold on to their underwear rather than spending oodles of money replacing them constantly and shoveling the old ones into landfills.  

When I was in grad school some 40 years ago, I was dating a young lady who was so averse to doing laundry that she'd rather buy new underwear than wash her once-worn ones. At one point when she broke down and did her laundry, she counted 56 sets of underwear. I'm guessing a lot of those were more than a year old, and yet hardly worn at all.

This is not quite related, but it reminds me of a conversation I once had with a young woman who was someone cynical about men.  I asked her what she was looking for in a man, and she said "I'll settle for one who won't steal your panties."

The Merchant of Venice. My father was a bagpiper and I've never understood why people complain about them.

Okay, but what was Shx talking about?   Clearly not bagpiping.  I read it as peeing when you sneeze.  Is this wrong?

Hm.  This news item just came in.    And it got me thinking about how terribly, horribly the Washington Post has been treating me merely because I am a clueless old fart. 

Anyway, wow.  Good for this guy.  And with that I am out of here.  See you next week. 

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Gene Weingarten
Gene Weingarten is the humor writer for The Washington Post. His column, Below the Beltway, has appeared weekly in the Post's Sunday magazine since July 2000 and has been distributed nationwide on The Los Angeles Times-Washington Post News Service. He was awarded the 2008 Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing.

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