Tuesdays with Moron: Chatological Humor Update

Oct 01, 2013

Gene's next monthly chat is next Tuesday, October 29 at noon. You may submit questions here.

- Want to find out what you're missing? Check out Gene's September live chat to get an idea of how the monthly chat works.

On one Tuesday each month, Gene is online to take your questions and abuse. He will chat about anything. Although this chat is sometimes updated between live shows, it is not and never will be a "blog," even though many persons keep making that mistake. One reason for the confusion is the Underpants Paradox: Blogs, like underpants, contain "threads," whereas this chat contains no "threads" but, like underpants, does sometimes get funky and inexcusable.

Greetings, update readers.

I have finally decided to stop watching CNN, which has always been my default. Partly it's because of that new Crossfire format in which partisans yelling at each other passes for news (and Gingrich passes for a journalist) but the straw-camel nexus occurred last night for the opposite reason: when I watched Wolf Blitzer try so hard to be fair and mild and middle-of-the-road and non-confrontational and beige that he got ridden roughshod by Ted Cruz.   In the end of this appalling non-journalism, Cruz has managed to establish himself as a reasonable man who just wants the best thing for the American people, fighting a noble war against intransigents.  The DEMOCRATS are the people causing the Shutdown.  Wolf doesn't effectively debate this. 



Today we are going to have a very short update because my Mac is broken and I am grumpy.  I am using my wife's PC, meaning some of the keys are in different places, meaning when I think I am deleting forward letter by letter, I am actually deleting backward word by word, which is very bad and causes much unnecessary rewritings.   My Mac is malfunctioning in a hilarious way, however, which is at least slightly entertaining. Every few seconds, without any input from me, the type either becomes HUGE, so that the entire screen consists of five letters, or teeny tiny, meaning it is unreadable.  It ping-pongs this way constantly.   The Apple people tell me I got a drop of coffee into the fingerpad thing, which shorted it out, and I was going to self-righteously thunder that this cannot be true, until they said they'd fix it for free, at which point I agreed it's possible. 

So I am heading back to the Apple store to pick up my fixed computer, which is why this update will end soon.   But not before you do a one-question instapoll that will establish, I hope, once and for all, that The New Yorker caption contest has its butt up its head. 

Here is the cartoon, and five possible captions.   Choose the best.  Thank you. 

-- "Yes, he's still out there—and he looks serious."
-- "Darn it, Elaine, those kids busted our window again."
-- "Incredible! We still get Saturday deliveries."
-- "I hope it's chocolate."
--"So THAT's what happened to the hedge clippers."

» Take the instapoll

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Gene Weingarten
Gene Weingarten is the humor writer for The Washington Post. His column, Below the Beltway, has appeared weekly in the Post's Sunday magazine since July 2000 and has been distributed nationwide on The Los Angeles Times-Washington Post News Service. He was awarded the 2008 Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing.

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