Super Tuesday and a Blocker! ComPost Live with Alexandra Petri

Mar 03, 2020

Humor columnist Alexandra Petri will be online every Tuesday at 11 a.m. Eastern for ComPost live, where she'll offer a lighter take on the news of the day. Submit your comments on her columns and any other questions you might have.

Read Alexandra Petri's columns or catch up on past ComPost chats.

Follow Alexandria Petri on Twitter here.

Happy Super Tuesday! 

Daylight Saving Time is an abomination -- as is waking up before noon.

You will get no argument from me on either account, although your mention of it today made me alarmed that there was something I should have done to my clock. 

The more I read about how to protect myself from the coronavirus, the more I want to touch my face. Or am I touching my face the same amount and I'm just more aware of it now? PS: Auto correct wants to change coronavirus to "coronations." That kinda works for me.

I had no idea until now that my only joy and greatest pastime was touching my face, but unfortunately that seems to be the case. When I am nervous. When I am calm. During coronations. 

How do I block Petri from my WP SUBSCRIPTION? (This is not a joke)

I don’t know but I bet you can call a support person with this request! Maybe there’s something you can do, like hiding topic mentions on Twitter. Let me know if you have any success!  

Be alarmed. The world needs more larmeds.

Are you the person who is always saying to be alert because the world needs more lerts? I am sorry to see you’ve raised your threat level! 

If you have an old-fashioned paper edition of the newspaper, you could ask your butler to intercept it and use scissors (not the best ones, of course) to snip out Ms Petri's writings. There must be an electronic equivalent of that, but you would need a tech-savvy butler.

This feels like the moment for a reverent sheep-on-a-distant-hillside-like cough in memory of AskJeeves.com, gone before it could have become the solution to this tech-savvy butler problem. 

Indeed, there’s a parallel universe where everyone says, “Jeeves!” instead of “Siri!” or “Alexa”! 

You install a Petri dish. (Because somebody had to say it.)

I thought that was a tool for Petri-only subscribers to beam me directly into their homes! 

Up at the crack of noon, I always say. Then you should like Daylight Saving Time. Otherwise sunrise would be at 4:45 am in the DC area in June instead of about 5:45.

A bright idea!

If I've learned anything from decades of Star Trek, it's that a Petri dish can do opposite functions if you just reverse the polarity.

Ahem. The tech-savvy VALET problem.

Oh my gosh, I’m mortified! 

I'm at "be afraid, because the world needs more fraids" level.

Is an avocado-and-tomato sandwich a thing? I feel like I recently invented it -- it's amazing -- but it's possible that someone else in the entire history of life on Earth did it first.

I’ve had this sandwich, but usually there’s cheese in the way! 

In medieval Ireland's social hierarchy, poets and satirists were just below kings and bishops. They were greatly admired and satirists were also greatly feared. One female satirist, in fact, was so devastating with her talent that her targets were known to fall down dead at hearing her words. Just a word of warning.

Imagine having such power! Maybe she was a good satirist but also carried a communicable and fast-acting disease. 

Yes, cheese is an option (although I do not layer it between the tomato and avocado). I recommend toasting the bread and cheese, and then piling on the avocado and tomato (which have been sprinkled with salt and pepper to taste). Yum.

Oh, this sounds incredible, pending the right avocado!

many years ago, a friend opened a wonderful restaurant in DC (still open, still fabulous) anyway, the WP listed "ballet parking" as a typo. My friend got all of his huge hockey friends to put on tutus and parked the cars....it was awesome.

That is amazing. Was it just the one night? I would have loved to see that become a local tradition!

For the longest (like, 4-5 months) whenever I'd read Hax, there'd be a "suggested" or "related content" on the side about something really depressing, like babies or animals in peril, or maybe clues to a "decades old murder." Depressed the heck out of me. I totally would have blocked it if I could. The good news is, I'm successfully blocked on whatever the traumatic article was about.

That is good! 

Sometimes suggested content makes sense and sometimes it seems as though sand has gotten into the works. I feel like being suggested tales of murder when you read an advice column is like when you’re reading something about a noble cow and it recommends you burger restaurants. Well, not exactly, but somewhat...

Be accepting, because the world needs more cceptings okay I see this is not working.

Somebody is a Grumpy Gus. Do they not know how Super today is?

If I'm sending comments twice, it's probably because it looks like it may not have gone through the first time, but I have no way to be sure, also I am not good about prioritizing my time.

Look, if we were good about prioritizing our time, this chat would be entirely empty! I appreciate that you are not!

That wasn't a joke. Don't think that it was. How silly you would think that.

So, basically, Daylight Savings time begins in five days and Inherit the Windbag premieres in eight days. I mention this because I usually remember such dates after the fact. Also, when I went to the website to check the premiere date of the latter, I saw an ominous warning: "All dates are subject to change." ALL DATES! I interpret this to mean that March 6 could become September 21 without warning.

You never know with March 6. It’s a true chameleon! But yes, please come! A couple of the shows have already sold out, so now is the time to pounce on a ticket if you are so inclined! 

Try doing so when your number #1 fidget is playing with your beard!

My thoughts go out to you in this trying time!

Will you get superpowers today if you get bitten by a radioactive poll worker?

I think that is how delegates transform into superdelegates! 

Block or not block. There is no Petri.

Adult Yoda, it’s so good to have you in the chat!

Hmm, I just meant Adult Yoda as distinct from Baby Yoda, but that is not quite how that sounded. 

If it truly were not a joke, the poster would be asking the subscription department, not the person they want to block ! Besides, doesn't just not clicking on it serve the purpose. You have the power to block whatever you want. Take some responsibility for what you allow yourself to read. Simple as that.

I refuse to take responsibility for what I read! I want to know why Doctors Hate Him! 

I'm trying to get my parents tickets to a play in New York. Mom uses a walker. I called the ADA assistance number at the theater and it turns out there are seats that are super accessible that DON'T SHOW UP on the website but can actually be purchased by calling. They are a possibly partial view according to the person I talked to and depending on the sets and blocking, but I am actually going to be able to get them, despite putting off looking into this for, literally, months. I feel like I should be punished for my procrastination more than this.

That’s wonderful! Take the win! And enjoy the show!

You'll probably see it later, even with a clue as vague as "vinyl".

Yup, spotted it! It is open in my other tab — which I, unlike Brit Hume, will get rid of before screenshotting anything work-related!

Have you traveled anywhere to cover this Tuesday (which, I have to say, I am not feeling very super about)? Also, I appreciated your jokes about the Tom Steyerless campaign and the candidates' median age– your puns make this whole thing almost bearable!

I am not traveling any farther than Virginia! I think it’s funny that the second I stopped following the candidates around, the entire momentum of the race shifted. Was my presence what was holding Joe Biden back? 

I see a business opportunity here. There is an app that coverts pictures of President Trump to kitten pictures, right? Develop an app that blocks showing the links to columns/articles by certain writers. Then the OP can put Petri into the app, and the majority of the people who comment on opinion page pieces can block Thiessen and the other people they heap scorn on in pixel land. Thus pushing WaPo a little closer to facebook land where you not only don't have to read things you don't like, you don't even have to know they exist or find out that other people don't always agree with everything you think. On the other hand, don't bother. This is a newspaper. If you want to control everything you see start a blog and block the comments.

At least we know now who wants the WP to Block Petri!

I haven't seen those "doctors hate him" ads in ages, probably because I never clicked on them (unlike the bikini ads, as a rhetorical and not literal example as far as you know), but now that I've typed the phrase online, I'll probably start seeing them again. Um. Bikini bikini bikini

And on that note, I am off! What a transition that was! See you next week on a less Super Tuesday! In the interim, catch you on Twitter, and the blog

Please take me off this list!!!

I’m taking us all off right now!!

In This Chat
Alexandra Petri
Alexandra Petri is a Washington Post columnist offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences." She joined The Post as an intern in 2010, after graduating from Harvard College.
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