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May 23, 2017

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Good day, all! Oof, what a week of bad news! And now on top of it we have lost Roger Moore, whose Bond always delighted me. How's everyone hanging in there?

. . . is deep fried mozzarella sticks with french fries. I was amazed the first time it showed up on the menu; could there be an unhealthier lunch? Who puts these things together? But I must say I'm tempted. I hope the chat is interesting today, so I don't succumb.

We should have some sort of Mozz-o-Meter to keep track of your interest level. If it ever dropped below Three Delicious But Ultimately Devastating Sticks Of Fleeting Joy we could all try to step up our game. 

Guess there's only one way to tell if it's clean? The dreaded sniff test.

Shudder. Godspeed, my friend. I have reached that point myself.  I am trying to pretend that I am wearing innovative styles on purpose but the truth is that the only clean clothes in my apartment yesterday were a yellow jacket and yellow skirt and that was the true reason I looked like I was dressed as a business-oriented lemon.


I love that! (By the way, where does the emphasis go when pronouncing Rashomon? This is a safe spot for pronunciation questions, right?)

Can you add gravy? Then it could become a breaded-cheese version of poutine.

I can't tell if this is moving the cheese needle or not.

have you ever sampled deep-fried cheese curds? Not necessarily accompanied by french fries, but maybe with a bratwurst sandwich?

You better believe I have! They are truly proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy, but equally they are proof that God eventually would like us to leave. rural PA. No political discussions occurred, and my girlfriend and I are still together! Pretty cool, yeah? Though most of the food available was on par with mozzarella sticks and french fries...

That sounds like a wonderful albeit greasy weekend! Well done?

So, so bummed about the news. What was your favorite Moore Bond movie? I think "Octopussy" (because it has to be) and "Man with the Golden Gun" rank among my favorites. Also, until I read the Post obit, I had almost forgotten he had been in Spice World.

So had I! He gave us so much! 

I think it's Man With The Golden Gun for me, though I do have a soft spot for Moonraker. 

the bacon cheeseburger sandwiched between two deep-fried chicken breasts territory.

What was I reading lately that tried to imply a pizza whose crust was AN ENTIRE CHICKEN BREAST was somehow better for you because it contained "more protein"?

I've only read part of The Lighthouse Question, but I'm looking forward to reading the other Trump Documents. Have you taken a look?

I applaud the Onion for their tireless investigative journalism, and also I applaud PatriotHole for telling me what to think about it. Both are really stepping up their respective games!

Sean Connery is often considered to be the iconic Bond, but Moore seemed like he would be tons more fun as a person (less cranky).

That seems to be the consensus of those who got to interview him. A real class act, not in the school play sense but in the old-timey gentleman sense. Didn't take himself too seriously.

Wait, wasn't he in BOAT TRIP? He gave us so much in addition to Spice World. 


He was my favorite Bond as a kid. As an adult, his movies are incredibly silly and I still love them. I especially have a fondness for the absolute mess that is "A View to a Kill".

Is that the one with Grace Jones and Christopher Walken? Hear, hear! It sounded like it was fun to film, at least. 

Business-oriented lemon would make a great name for a band.

Or someone trying to put a spin on a used car. 

Who on earth eats pizza for their health? Also, most Americans get far too much protein, which the body stores as fat.

I'd eat that fried goodness if I had a green vegetable alongside it. But then I'm pregnant, and anything fried looks good to me.

Good news, we have a volunteer! (And congratulations!)

YES PLEASE. I'm a native Pennsylvanian who went to school in Minnesota with many, many Wisconsinites, who opened my eyes (and probably my arteries) to the glory of cheese curds. The imitation varieties found here just cannot compare. Now I want cheese curds. And beer.

Specifically, Spotted Cow, from New Glarus. 

I always like the term "Wisconsinite" as it sounds like an exciting space rock. 

Growing up, I made the mistake of expressing the opinion that the James Bond films aren't very good (because, really... they aren't)... and boy did I get backlash for that. Try it! The next time you're out with friends, especially male friends, say that and shield yourself from the reaction.

I am usually the one arguing the similarly but differently contrarian case that the best Bond movies are the Moore Bonds. Same response from what I am picturing as the same gaggle of menfolks. 

chicken with tomato sauce and cheese melted on it. So are we not talking about a thinly pounded paillard, pan grilled and with high quality sauce and quickly broiled to melt a scattering of cheese? Because that does sound healthier than a mound of cheese piled on crust made mostly with white flour. Just saying.

The chicken crust I saw was breaded, which would have been helpful information in making this calculus! What you describe sounds like it might have the health advantage. 

Moore wrote in his memoir ("My Word is My Bond") that he figured out quickly that he was being brought into the cast of "Maverick" as an eventual replacement for the inimitable James Garner, because Garner stood up to the studio and once sued them (and won). Moore said he found this intolerable (ht thought Garner was the greatest) and told the studio that if Garner went, he'd go too.

On the Muppet Show is not to be missed.

Fun fact: He was actually Ian Fleming's first choice to play Bond, but his schedule was too full. Funner fact: The weird face he makes while kissing Grace Jones in A View to a Kill was because she secretly jabbed him with a dildo.

I was reading a behind the scenes account of this that I wanted to double-check before sharing, but maybe it is too good to check! Apparently he liked to prank his costars in love scenes and she had gotten wind of this and decided to prank him first.

In the heart or in the head?

Both, clearly!

after that CA guy died of botulism from eating nacho cheese purchased at a gas station. (although that seems like the right kind of foodstuff to be be sold at a gas station)

(PSA Voice) Remember, it's called NACHO cheese because it's cheese that isn't yours. 

And people from Paris are...?


Highly recommend the James Bonding podcast if you have time and haven't heard it.

I wish dearly that someone had a service to transcribe podcast, because I would love to consume more of them but listening always feels like it takes too long. I have heard good things about this one though!

It was Roger Moore's bad luck to become Bond just as the Bond movies were getting over-the-top silly. The Sean Connery films were fun and somewhat tongue-in-cheek. The Craig ones went too far in the other direction -- they're just angry thrillers, no fun at all.

I notice no one is mentioning the PIERCE BROSNAN bonds. I agree with this choice.

In no possible way can this be regarded as a pizza.

What if a man in a tall white hat tosses it up in the air before cooking it?

As an essayist and humor columnist, you probably don't get to interview a lot of people. If you could conduct three interviews of any current figures, who would you like to sit down with for a chat these days?

Jim Davis the creator of Garfield! I am just fascinated by him. Kathleen Kennedy, who holds the future of Star Wars in her hands, but it would probably just turn into my pitching her a Star Wars romcom. Taylor Swift. Vin Diesel! Warren Buffet? Ted Cruz and/or the guy who writes his jokes on twitter. Sandra Day O'Connor! The Whose Line Is It Anyway cast. Kate McKinnon!

The radio silence there for a long period of time was me realizing that my definition of celebrities maybe stopped in the 80's sometime?


I wish this too, because it does take too long. Also, I read very fast, but one cannot speed up listening.

if you want chicken with tomato sauce and cheese, it called Chicken Parmesan and is widely available.

I would admire greatly the chutzpah of anyone who decided to start calling it Chicken Pizza and rebuking all corrections as alternative facts. We live in a world where that could happen. 

I can't find the YouTube link right now, but there's a wonderful bit where Dame Edna presents Moore, on her Christmas show, with a knitted yellow vest, and then tells him she found the pattern in an old book in a charity shop -- and then the screen shows a very young Moore as a knitwear model.

No! That I would like to see, if anyone has it!

I did enjoy Moore in The Saint and Brosnan in Remington Steele. In all your spare time....

Inalso enjoyed Val Kilmer in the Saint! 

Not even then, because you do the same thing with potato galette, as the late great Nora Ephron said in her recipe ("Quickly, then, in one motion, while people are watching,")

As a big fan of James Bond movies, I find it particularly irritating when other fans get upset about Bond being labelled misogynist. Bond's misogyny is pretty much scientific fact.

Yeah, it's a character feature, not a bug. I mean to say, it is a bug in a sense, but it's not an aberration. 

Live and Let Die so I have to give it a shout out. It seemed so exotic at the time with the voodoo and Jane Seymour was ultra mag. My dad loved the Moore Bond movies, and so did I.

Is that the one with Dr. Kananga? 

56-year-old guy here. I like Brosnan's Bond movies. There, it's been said. I enjoyed reading that one of the reasons why Moore played Bond the way he did was that he recognized the absurdity inherent in the idea of a world-famous secret agent.

Ha! That's true. Does he even have a cover story? Ever? At any point?

Unfortunately, no one is mentioning the David Niven Bond, either (with Woody Allen as Jimmy Bond, and Peter Sellers as not-James Bond).

I was sitting next to one of "those" people today. A guy (sorry, gents, they are pretty much always guys) who decided that despite the fact that he was sitting with two other people on a three person bench (new cars) that he should be able to read, sitting all the way back, with his arms splayed a bit and holding the book in such a way to take up as much space as possible. I was in the middle. The man on the other side wasn't much better because he was leaning against the side which pushed his hip out a bit, but not that much. When I joined these two subway-etiquette challenged people on their bench, I did NOT insist on sitting with my arms splayed out. I didn't try to sit in the lap of the hip thruster. I didn't demand that the elbow splayer cede the against the back rest area. I did sit on the seat. I didn't perch on the edge. I did work on the Express crossword puzzle such as it is. I find this keeps my arms in a bit. I've never had an issue sharing a seat with a woman while doing this. And yet, this guy was shoving me with his arm the whole trip. I only pushed against him when the deceleration of the train forced me to (too short to brace with feet on the floor and I was in the middle). Well, and when I was trying to stay upright as he tried to shove me into hip guy. Of course, by the time hip guy left, I was rather irked, so when shoving guy asked me to move over, I said I was fine where I was. He called me a witch with a b. He got off two stops later and grabbed my news paper out of my hands, stood dramatically in the open doorway (everyone else waiting for him to get out of the way so they could get on the car) and crumpled it with one hand. I laughed. I wish I had said "Your mother would be ashamed of you." Please don't tell me I could have gotten shot or stabbed. Skinny guys on crowded metro trains at nine in the morning reading trade paperbacks and wearing plaid shirts are never going to scare a person who lived around Columbia University in the early 90s. I just WISH I had come up with the mother line in time to use it. It is killing me.

Wow, the dramatic crinkle and everything! Gosh. 

I'm having difficulty picturing the bench configuration -- was hip guy's seat immediately taken after he got up so there wasn't room to move over? Then I guess shoving guy would have gotten two seats, which seems wrong, but I know I would have scooted out of shoving range at my first possible opportunity just because I'd rather have the space than the principle. That sounds like it is where our styles differ. 

I don't listen to them very often for the same reason -- I prefer reading, and don't want to spend so much time listening -- but I've heard that some people address this by playing the podcast at a faster speed, e.g., 1.5 times faster, so that the conversation is quicker but still intelligible.

Took me about 10 seconds to find:

He was brilliant as Doc Holliday in Tombstone and is unlikely to approach such heights again. "I'm your Huckleberry", "allow me to present a pair of fellow sophisticates", "you're no daisy".

I remember liking him in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," more recently! But Tombstone was something else.

I too have a soft spot for that one. It was the first Bond movie I ever saw - in the theaters when I was 8. I thought it was awesome. Yeah, it's aged poorly - but boy was it fun at the time.

Moonraker, wider than a mile...

Les Miserables

I hope there are t-shirts exploring this premise. Show me, if there are.

what do you think of the current (sort of) Bond, the blonde and stoic Mr. Craig?

I like a blonde stoic man, especially when he is emerging from the waves. I also liked that "Casino Royale" was actually a good movie, with or without relation to the Bond saga. I wonder what an absurd campy Bond would look like in our era. I don't know how we'd pull it off. 

Geoffrey Holder's performance as Baron Samedi! Favorite moment is the amused laugh he makes when Bond refers to him as a fake, as if it's the one wrong thing James guessed about Kananga's scheme.

Clearly I need to go back and rewatch this one, over the obstreperous protests of everyone else in the room. 

The Brosnan movies gave us my favorite M.

She is terrific, truly. 

I'm going to have to leave early because I'm HUNGRY ... I really want some CHEESE melted over or combined in any way with anything ... don't really know why ...

Oh nooo! I was just about to ask where we were on the Stick Meter, but now I fear the worst...

to being the perfect cross between Connery and Moore.

And he was great in "Sextette" with Mae West...

the opening scene still haunts me and I will never watch it again (I was 10 when it came out). Also, I've never actually understood the plot of a single Bond movie ever.

I think the plot is James Bond has to stop something bad, and then he discovers that it Goes Even Deeper than he realized and on the way to stopping the Villainous Mastermind who now has an Even Worse Thing in mind he must sleep with a minimum of two women, one of whom will be plucky and help him and the other of whom won't.

The quality of my dress was directly proportional to the amount of laundry I had to do. With filthy jeans and t-shirts lying on the floor, all I had left was my 3-piece suit.

describe your ideal performance of the march named after the newspaper you work for

One where the orchestra is just a little confused about whether or not it is the 1812 Overture and has gotten a cannon there just in case. 

I'm going to have a cheese quesadilla. No mozzarella sticks near me, sadly.

OP has finished her sandwich and is eating pineapple; there's only 30 minutes until her next group of meetings, which will carry her until after the cafeteria closes.

And on that note, I too will go seek a lunch! Have a good Tuesday out there, everyone. Stay safe, and see you on Twitter (@petridishes) and the blog ( until next time!

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Alexandra Petri
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