As long as you brought up Ann Landers, here is by far my favorite column of hers:
Dear Ann Landers: My wife and I soon will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary, and though we`ve been quite happy together, I can`t bring myself to tell my wife something that`s been bothering me since our honeymoon. When we unpacked our things in a nice little resort hotel, my wife opened a large suitcase and took out an accordion.
``Louise`` had never told me that she played the accordion and that she took it with her everywhere. I was flabbergasted that night as I sat through three recitals of ``Lady of Spain`` and an old English madrigal with some surprisingly ribald lyrics. Those are the only tunes she knows.
Our social life has always been rather quiet. Our only close friends are
``Bernice`` and ``Murray.`` They come over quite often and join Louise in a rousing chorus of ``Lady of Spain.`` Murray plays his head-that is, he raps his knuckles on his head while opening and closing his mouth, which produces changes in tone. Bernice clacks two spoons together and hums the harmony.
Ann, I`ve had about all I can take of this. How can I tell my wife after so many years that she is no musician and the racket is driving me crazy? Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
Dear Long Island: You`ve been truly wonderful. Please don`t blow 30 years of sainthood by losing your temper.
Surprise Louise with a dozen accordion lessons and several pieces of sheet music. Sorry, but I can`t think of a thing you can do about Bernice and Murray.