Color of Money Live: How to create an exit plan

Do wills/trusts have to be registered somewhere? If I get one done, how does any court/bank, etc know that it's real after I have died?

How do I join?

Hi Michelle and Rhonda, I'm planning to buy Rhonda's book; it sounds like just what I need. My Mom, thankfully, is still healthy and lives independently at the age of 93 in an elderly housing apartment in St. Louis, Missouri. I'm named as executor in her will, although I live in Pennsylvania. She has no real assets, other than a car, which she still drives (!) to the nearby grocery store. The car is in the process of being jointly titled with my youngest brother, so it will transition smoothly out of probate upon her eventual passing. However, I am already thinking ahead to the eventual time of her passing. My Mom has credit card debt, because one of her pleasures is ordering things online through QVC and stores like J. C. Penney. Her credit card debt is just shy of $25,000 (I know ... crazy!). Upon her passing, I know that her creditors will have a claim on her "estate," but there is really nothing that she owns other than a collection of nice antiques in her apartment. Will these things have to be sold to satisfy the credit card debt? I want to do the right thing and, of course, I plan to call an auction company to liquidate these things, even though my brothers and I would like to keep them. I just want to be sure that such personal possessions are actually considered estate assets in the probate process to be used to pay down the credit card debt. Thanks for any help!

longtime fan but that piece on inhome care killed it, personal without being hokey, helpful without being mawkish, do more of that pls Ms Singletary.

Where do you register? Probate Court?

Can/should the POA and executor of an estate be the same person or is it better to get a third party as executor if, say, the POA is a child?

I'm trying to figure out how to simplify things for my son who is active duty. He's our only child and knows that EOL (end of life) responsibility will fall on him. As I try to imagine what the future holds, I don't want to burden him because of our inertia or inaction. Creating an "Exit Plan" has a lot of moving parts. Where should we start and how can we stay motivated? What don't we know about planning that we should? What advisors should we have? We already have the advance directives, knowing a medical event will usually signal the beginning of the end.

Enjoyed your column on Get Your House in Order - Now Before You Die. I suspect the reason that many people don't have a will is the high cost. I have been shopping to update my will which I thought would be straight forward...everything goes to my wife and son. I have been told by two lawyers that I need a will and trust that would cost me $4500. Hoping high costs will be discussed during your Oct 30th Wash Post Discussions. Richard Lawrence

Decades ago, my mother told me that the cemetery where family members were usually buried was having a plot sale. She and many family members bought plots . Like a lot of plots!! LOL!!! I never asked anymore about it. Fast forward decades later, we are making funeral arrangements for my mother. Lo and behold, we found out that our dear mother bought plots for all of us, children, grandchildren and spouses. One item checked off for us! LOL!

I am retiring (for the 2nd time) today--no mortgage, no debt! And two of my big 'to do' items are cleaning up the mess of a house for when I die, and finally getting the wills/POAs/Health directives in order for my husband and myself. HOORAY! But on a different note--no kids. What do I do with all this STUFF? What are good choices for giving stuff away? Funeral plans already made and stored in my Bible--including my choices of music!

This is simply not true. Not anywhere in the country that I am aware of and I am an attorney. You will be able to keep things that are of no value in an auction. Think family photos, since they have no value to anyone but you. Used clothes are on the fence but a designer purse or high end shoes with little wear will have to be sold. Same thing for anything with the tags still on it. All jewelry will have to be sold. Paintings - sold. Furniture - sold. Housewares - sold. All of it. You might be able to get a professional valuation and get the credit card companies to agree to take less if you pay them quickly, in which case, you wouldn't have to sell everything, but you will have to provide the cash that would have come from the sales.

Thanks for the chat. I want to encourage readers to, as they go about planning financially for end of life, to also complete advance directives, living wills, and health care POAs. Types and requirements vary by state, AARP has good resource. It can be difficult, but important, to start these conversations and complete these documents before it's absolutely necessary.

This is slightly off topic, but do you (or your readers) have any recommendations for reasonably-priced home renovations companies in the DMV (leaning toward the D) who do quality work using quality products in a timely manner. Getting the work I need done well without having to deal with problems later will definitely make my retirement more pleasurable. Thank you!

Hi Michelle, I separated from my ex about 4 years ago, and as I am sure we all know, getting a divorce is tough - financially (I won't get into the other stuff - ha, different chat). I'm so happy to report that I am getting my house in order, finally! After a few years of just scraping by (but still contributing to my 401k) I have saved over $10K, and with my new partner, we are planning to purchase a house in 2021. Going from nearly $0 to 10K (which really was just the past two years) has felt so great! I'm enjoying watching my savings go! I also just bumped up the monthly savings to help it grow faster. This in addition to upping my 401K contribution to 10% this year (with a 6% employer match) I feel like I'm starting to really get things moving in the right direction. Also, just wanted to give you a shout of thanks for discussing renting vs. buying. Where I live is very expensive, and home ownership is a high bar. Housing is almost cost-prohibitive. We've been discussing whether really it is our best option, but are still saving as if that's the goal. (she/CO/early 40's)

Dear Michelle (and all of the passionate chatters out there) – thank you so much for taking my question for Sunday’s column! What a surprise! As the question was originally submitted on the fly for a chat, I wanted to clarify a couple of things. Yes – some of the loan has been paid back, some is outstanding. So many themes came to the surface in the comments that it would take a series of articles to get through them all. Yes, there is a big difference between someone who lost a job (or is young and trying to find a job) who needs an honest leg up, and a person who is underemployed and not particularly looking, asks for help with luxury items and is stubbornly opaque about their situation and needs – enough to cause alarm. There is also the matter of potential elder abuse – briefly touched on in the column, and a very serious topic. A family member who needs help with medical expenses should be a no brainer, but what about someone who lets their medical coverage lapse and suddenly has a $300,000 bill? Where does the responsibility end? My conclusion is there is a lot of pain out there – post-recession, many have not recovered. Younger people are facing a very steep climb. Those near retirement are facing healthcare and support care costs that I can barely process. Thanks again to all for thoughtful questions and analysis – the attacks and darker comments didn’t help but did illustrate to me how much pain is out there.

I assume the first poster has tried to convince her mother to not buy so much. Over $25K in debt! I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. So here's my question and it probably needs a lawyer. If you have power of attorney (and that's a big if) can you contact the cc companies and put a limit on the dollar amount a person can charge? Can you freeze credit so they can't obtain new credit cards? I'm trying to figure out a way kids can minimize the debt their parents rack up and leave for someone else to worry about.

Just want to throw in (as I work with estate planning/probate attorneys) that DEFINITELY check in with an attorney in your state regarding how to draw up a will, how probate REALLY works. Some states have very, very simple procedures, others are more complicated, and trusts are by no means a requirement. They have their time and place, but most of the cases I work on, there is not a trust. I happen to work/live in a state with a relatively simple procedure. Also determine if the state has rules about WHERE you can probate, meaning if you die in County A, does it have to be dealt with in that county/city or can it be anywhere in the state. That varies. Some states don't require a bond for an out of state Personal Rep ("executor"); perhaps just a "power of attorney" to the attorney to act w/in the state on one's behalf.

Following on your comments about not just picking the kid who is a doctor or lawyer: my parents chose the oldest child as executor and gave her power of attorney. She struggles to manage her own family and day to day life, is terrible with her own finances, lives with serious anxiety that makes her fearful of navigating new situations, etc. Yet my parents seem to believe if they put their faith in her, she will rise to the occasion. As our parents are aging, they are not making good financial decisions (staying in an unstable housing situation and refusing an opportunity to move into rent controlled senior housing, for example). My parents won't discuss this, and the oldest sister is in denial that their health is beginning to fail. What can my siblings and I do to try to be supportive and lay the groundwork for things to go more smoothly when the inevitable happens?

Hello, my parents have named me as their executrix. They are very organized and have give me a copy of the will, made me POA, and created a listing of all accounts and passwords for when I need them. (I'm lucky to have such proactive and organized parents!) They are both in good health at present, so this is a future problem, but what are the first few steps an executor/personal rep has to do after the testator dies? File the will with the court? Get a copy of the death certificate? I have all this great organized info, but I realized that I don't know what my actual responsibilities are. Thanks!

this may be a local thing. In the state where I practiced (years ago) wills and estate law, never heard of such a thing.

When my father died in 2012, he didn’t leave any sort of will or plan. Fortunately I remembered him saying many years before that he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered in a creek he’d played in on the reservation where he grew up. So that’s what we did. Less fortunately, we found out later it’s actually illegal to scatter cremains on Indian land. No one pursued us for it, and clearly my dad’s tribe weren’t in the habit of enforcing the law (the funeral had been advertised on tribal tv and council members attended). And now it’s a quirky family story - Dad skating the rules one last time. But there are laws about cremains, and they need to be a part of your plans.

Hello Michelle and Rhonda - I also plan to buy Rhonda's book as I am just getting organized myself. I have limited assets and my husband and I live in Virginia and have one 22 yr old daughter. I have postponed thinking oh there is not much nor complex heirs but I want the transition for her to be as simple as possible. What are the basics documements my husband and I should have?

Rhonda/Michelle, Can you talk some about families not preparing for funeral/burial costs? Life insurance (term) is key as to avoid the Go fund me accounts that I see frequently from family and friends. Thanks Torry

A topic near and dear to my heart, but seriously people need to understand and know the responsibilities they have of what taxes needed to be filed after death.

Where? How? And wouldn't that be the lawyer's responsibility?

Forgive my being morbid, but the parents might want to consider a back-up in case military duty ends tragically.

My parents had been separated for 7 or 8 years when my mom passed. My mom was living with someone and her and the person's wills both stated that all assets would go to the other, or in case of them dying at the same time (or not changing wills) would be distributed equally to all the kids. Well, in the state they lived in -- that is supposedly an 'illegal' will, you cannot disinherit a spouse. So my dad said he would sue the live in boyfriend...until he was found in a ditch having had a heart attack while driving. it was an interesting two weeks after my mom passed, but before boyfriend passed, that was for sure.

So what if they don't? That is, suppose the heirs don't give up meager assets to pay off credit cards? What can the banks actually do? One premise of banking -- and the rationalization for crazy-high interest rates -- is that a certain percentage of debts are uncollectable, and it's really hard to collect from the dead.

Just wanted to pass this along, since it’s open enrollment season for a lot of folks. Several of the large companies my spouse and I have worked at offer a legal services plan. We don’t get it every year, but it saved us THOUSANDS when selling our house and setting up a will. You don’t have to renew it every year, but if you don’t have one yet, enroll now if possible and make an appointment in January. Our “copay” to set up a will, medical proxies, trust, guardian info, was less than $100. I liked that I got face time with a human to talk through how best to arrange things for my (preschool aged) kids.

Same for police, fire, and EMS...Really, is any job safe?

My mother died without a will, but fortunately there was no fighting among the siblings. My sister and I each had a will prepared after that. I think the cost was less than $400, and I paid a few hundred extra for a trust. I live in a suburb of Baltimore.

My husband's brother died unexpectedly. His partner as well as my husband's sister insisted that there were no assets or funds available for a funeral/burial. My husband and I had to act fast and we spent an entire horrible day at the Department of Social Services arranging for an "impoverished" funeral/burial which included me having to formally swear in writing that there were no assets. The week after the funeral we found out that there were cash assets of over $10,000. We reported this to Social Services admitting our error and they collected payment. The brother's partner and my husband's sister have never spoken to us again - they wanted that $10,000 for themselves and were furious that my husband and I were honest with Social Services. They also took off with brother's ashes and won't tell us what they did with them, our intention had been to inter them in me and my husband's (already paid for) burial plot. People can be very strange and downright mean at times of death.

When my parents were no longer able to live completely independently, they moved to an independent living apartment in an assisted living complex. When they were no longer able to manage there, they moved inside to assisted living. When they were in the apartment, meals (which were very good, we ate there from time to time) were an extra charge. Assisted living was more expensive, but we no longer had to pay for meals. This was paid for by using their remaining assets. When my dad went to the nursing home, this was from a hospital discharge, so was covered by Medicare. Before his Medicare coverage ran out he went to hospice (also covered by Medicare, where he died. We never paid anything toward his nursing home or hospice care. By the time my mom needed nursing home care, their assets were depleted, so she was eligible for Medicaid that covered what her Social Security benefit did not. We found a nice nursing home that had a Medicaid bed available when she was discharged from a hospital stay. We were fortunate.

My husband finally created his will using an online will making resource. It's basically a boiler plate form, and his only specifications are "I leave everything to my wife". My will is more specific, and I'm not leaving everything to my husband (we have two daughters). Any issues here? Should we pay the long dollar and see an attorney?

Hello there, I'm turning 25 in January and would like to do something special, like a short international trip to Paris or Rome. I'm very good with my money, but I do have student debts, bills, etc. What is a good, realistic way to budget for something like this and stick to it? I'm so tired of reading advice geared to my age group that only says things like don't buy weekly coffees, etc., because when I look at my expenditures already that's not where most of my money is going. I really want to make this happen for myself but sometimes it seems kind of hopeless because I don't have a lot of wiggle room in my budget, but I've dreamt of this for a long time. Any advice?

While this comment is late I wanted to add this to the discussion of when is the “right” time to buy a new car since I just last Saturday bought a new car, paying cash for it thanks to you. Ok, my story: I own a 1990 honda civic hatchback w/ manual transmission. I bought it brand new so I’ve had it for nearly 30 years. I bought it December 1989. I have now just bought a 2019 nissan leaf plus. It’s a fully electric vehicle. I always took my civic to the dealer for service. While I may have paid more getting repairs from the dealer, I got the following perks; free state inspection every year, if the repairs were over a certain price my car was washed & vacuumed (the only time my car ever got cleaned) and for me, the biggest perk was that I lived close enough to the dealer that they would drive me home so I didn’t have to wait at the dealer for the repairs or I got a lift when it was time drop off or pick up the car. One time, the dealer actually admitted that a previous repair hadn’t been done correctly & they made the repair for free. As the car aged, the repairs got more & more expensive but the repairs were still cheaper than a new car. Why did I finally pull the trigger? The simple reason was that honda no longer makes parts for my car so my dealer couldn’t service it. I took it to a mechanic who told me that he had to use non-honda parts so he couldn’t guarantee how long his repairs would last so the last $1100 repair was the final repair. I took it to the dealer one last time for the final safety inspection so I could drive it legally while looking for a new car. The civic never broke down on the side of the road but it did refuse to start a couple of times which I got repaired. I twice towed it to the dealer for repairs. I am currently still keeping the car since personal property taxes are only $36 for the car but I may donate it at the end of the year when the tags expire.

Could you possibly have a yard sale with some of the things she's bought over the last few years? Obviously won't be enough to pay off the debt, but could ease some of that burden.

A good friend of mine's husband left her for another woman. He never married the other woman, and when he died seven years later, my friend got a call: he'd never changed his life insurance beneficiary, and my friend got $250K! Since he also failed to pay child support, this provided for college for the kids. And to Michelle: we should ALL keep up on beneficiaries. I divorced several years ago, and when my annual renewal for life insurance came due this summer, with a reminder to log into the portal to review beneficiaries? My ex was listed on there even though I had removed him two years prior! Turned out that the initial removal had glitched! Scary...I fixed it and now check it quarterly!

My story is short. I work with older adults and in my experience it's often better to: 1. Give things away to those you want to have them while you are alive. Things tend to "walk" once a person dies and those who are supposed to get things may not. 2. Realize that if people have keys to a home, things walk and your wishes, although they are in a will, may not be honored if too much time passes. 3. Tell people where your documents are. Don't think people are just going to "find" your power of attorney or will.

" that is supposedly an 'illegal' will, you cannot disinherit a spouse. So my dad said he would sue the live in boyfriend...until he was found in a ditch having had a heart attack while driving" This is right out of a law school exam hypothetical. Many states have rules where a living spouse has to get at least a third (varies) of the estate or it can be invalidated. The probably result from this one (in a state that has these rules) is that a spouse who survives the deceased for two weeks technically inherited the estate and that means that HIS will and not hers controlled who gets the money. If no one enforced it, that is a different story (possibly considered a gift, possibly not). And rules vary about how long one spouse has to survive the other for it not to be considered "simultaneous" which doesn't ever really mean it has to be in the same few seconds.

This chat has given me more to consider ... onward!

Two years ago, I broke my hip and had emergency surgery. Since general anesthetics and I are not friends, there was a possibility that I might not wake up. Obviously, I did and am healing so slowly. However, had I not woken up, I'd already done the will, power of attorney, health directives, and all my lawyer said I needed.....but there has been so much I now realize hadn't been done. We (my children and I) are working to declutter, monetize the stuff none of us wants, decide where to live. I never wanted to leave the mess my parents did . I saw then that the shock of sudden death paralyzes the survivors and adds additional emotional value to the stuff I'd have thrown out (notes, anything with my handwriting on it...)