At age 70, Bill Rohr became Kate Rohr.
Rohr has been very happily married to wife Linda since 1968. But the longtime surgeon has known for a lifetime that the gender everyone else saw was a deception. Three years ago, he finally told Linda. And Linda supported the surgery that in February transformed Rohr’s life.
Health and science reporter Amy Ellis Nutt told their story, and today you can chat with Amy, Kate and Linda about the path now taken and how the story came to be.
Read their story here: Truth and transgender at 70
Is there any system or service that you are afraid to let know you are transgender? What is the biggest struggle that you had to overcome?
The best way is to set up an appointment with a certified therapist who has worked with transgender people (can be found online). They can usually help determine if you have an issue through a series of questions and answers. There are many shades of grey in the area of gender identity. Know that many, if not most transgender individuals know at a young age such as 3 or 4. Get the right help. You wouldn't want an orthopedic surgeon operating on your brain!
I don't have a question, just a word of congratulations and admiration for my surgeon in Fort Bragg. You and Linda are brave souls to tell your story. Sharon G
Many thanks Sharon for your kind words! We know it must come as a shock to many, but not for those with open hearts and minds! Dr. Kate loved her patients and gratitude. We will be back soon!
You two are amazing. When are you coming home to California? I'm taking you up on your offer of wine and you are not getting out of helping me with the fence! I look forward to your return brave, loving souls. Blessings and joy, Anne Marie
The fence will be no problem. Will be home to CA as soon as we get through some projects in Maine. Painting and fence ... next on the agenda. Thank you for your support.
Please?
Hi this is Gene the producer of this chat. Thanks for the question, the story has been added to the top of this chat, and for your convenience, here is the story of Kate and Linda.
Kate, by any chance did we meet in the late 1960s in Atlanta, GA? At the time I was an investigative reporter for the Atlanta Constitution. I had written a series of articles about police harassment of gays. Soon thereafter, I received a phone call from a young man who said he had a story to share but wouldn't give his name. We met, I interviewed him at length, and his story ran on the front page. He told me he was a girl trapped in a boy's body and had felt that way as long as he could remember, since early childhood. He was in torment. His tale was remarkably like yours, and his age would be about yours, about 5 or 6 years younger than myself. I'm now approaching 76. Could it possibly be? Were you by chance in Atlanta sometime between 1966 and 1968 (I don't recall the exact year of the interview and story) and telephone the newspaper? The parallels seem eerily familiar. Kate, if it was you, I just hope that back then in the dark ages I did your story justice. Much continued happiness to you.
Unfortunately not. I believe you will find we all have similar stories. Not many, however, have access to the professional and financial resources we had. My success is not about me, its about the incredible wife, family and friends who supported me in this journey. If the news media does its homework and learns the science we know today about this condition, you can do much good.
Dear Kate, How do you and your wife keep your relationship so strong? Do you have any specific advice about being married to a trans woman? Thank you!
Relationships are a work in progress! Over the 48 years that we have been married we have had our struggles to keep it strong. One thing that we found to be very important is to devote one night a week as "date night". We try diligently to keep that date no matter what! Also, our love is one of a team. We always make decisions together and work together to make each other the best that we can be. Being married to a transfemale had its adjustments, but those were mostly physical changes and the loss of Bill as the shell or that which protected Kate. Once that shell was removed and Kate could be revealed, which took time, I found that the love still existed. Please know that this didn't happen overnight. I have known about this for three years and it has taken most of that time to figure out where I stood and if I could stay in this relationship for the rest of my life. My inner soul told me I didn't want to live without Kate, and that was all I needed to move forward. Society puts many labels on people which I do not like. We are two people who are deeply in love and that power can conquer anything we are challenged with. I hope this helps you to understand.
I find your wife's story to be more interesting than yours. While you are far from the first trans sexual, it would appear that your wife was not gay when she married you. However, the fact that you are still together suggests that she is gay now and that she became that way purely by willing it. That is something that I had never thought possible. So, is your wife gay?
That I have an incredible wife, without whom it is doubtful I would have succeeded is certain. An important part of the process was giving her the time to process all this and we worked TOGETHER. She came to realize that such labels are meaningless when it comes to true love .... its about the person you love, regardless of their color, height, sex, whatever. She can explain it better than me. Yes, I was lucky!
No question. You seem to be at peace with yourself,that's what really counts. Know that there are people out there,male and female that accept you as is. Thom t
Thank you Thom. It is very comforting to know that there are good people in the world with open hearts and minds. This whole concept is very hard to process, but with people like you we can reach many more!
Kate, when you told Linda, did she ever question your love for her? Did she feel betrayed by the lies your marriage always held?
It is something we discussed at great length, together and with the therapist. NO, she never questioned my love because of the intense love affair we have had for what was then 44 years of marriage. We always reserved Friday nights as"date night" focused on just us. I had a great deal of work to get over the guilt of keeping that secret, but she always has claimed she understands and certainly she knows that I did it because of my love for her and our children. In fact, her immediate response was remorse for ME that I lived with this for so long. An incredible woman!
P.S. Linda and I never keep secrets from one another ... except me with this secret.
I hope you and your reporter friend will make sure to highlight the ways in which the intersection of racism and transphobia create incredible roadblocks for transgender people of color. Many trans people do not have access to the resources you do. Even as someone who came from a middle class background, I faced many more difficulties and I'm seen as white. Even being supported in telling your story on this large of a stage is a privilege. Thank you for doing this, and please use your influence and social capital to help those who face the highest hurdles.
Thanks for the excellent comment regarding race and resources. No question about it -- and I know Kate will agree -- that the economics of being transgender are such that transitioning and access to the best doctors, etc., is still a matter of financial privilege. Insurance companies are slowly coming around, as is Medicare, but Medicare and insurance reimbursements are paltry compared to the real costs. Getting healthcare for a transgender person, just like for anyone else, should not be contingent on race or class. It's also certainly true that transgender people of color face extra hardships and discrimination, which is yet another reason why suicide rates are sky-high. This is a public health issue, for sure.
Knowing both Kate and Linda's attitude and commitment, do you wish you had transitioned sooner? BTW, Kudos to Linda for being an extraordinary spouse.
An excellent question. Understand that it was not that long ago that to undergo formal transition, a married transgender person was REQUIRED to divorce. Thankfully the WPATH standards have evolved along with the scientific knowledge. Linda and I have talked about this simply out of interest and thinking about helping others. I must say that we concluded that a successful marriage passes a point at which you really live and function as a team, dedicated to one another. Earlier in a marriage, before that point, success in maintaining a marriage would certainly be more of a challenge. Each individual also has to be very secure in who they are .... another of Linda's outstanding traits.
My daughter - in - law's father is in transition as we speak. Do you have any advice for my son as he helps his wife accept her dad's new reality as a woman?
Absolutely. We learned a tremendous amount through process, that reading all the scientific journals did not provide. Most important, give her time. Everyone processes this magnitude of change at a different rate. Talk and read. Amy's book is as good as it gets and will help people who are struggling with this know they are not alone. Help understand that he really hasn't changed, just her perception of him. It is also important for her father to realize that his success is tied to her success in understanding this. For the transgender person that task is learning self-acceptance, but to those close to us ... it rocks their world. I don't know why gender identity has such a powerful influence, but it does. Time, Talk and Love .... not easy but worth the journey!
