Live Q&As

I am going to first of all recommend lotofkids.com. I found it a few days ago. It has some great suggestions. I am also a " laundry Nazi". So, I have a system that works for us. There is a laundry bin in the bathroom upstairs and one by the washing maching downstairs.  All the laundry gets pu in here. (no laundry on floors). I have bins to put the folded laundry right near the machines....so ideally no pile up.  Also, if anyone cares, we keep toys in the toy room...very few, if any, upstairs.

That is a very good question.  It is true that we have not been able to provide all they want or need.  However, piano lessons or ballet could come later if the opportunity arises.  Be that as it may, we always allow them to play one sport a season, since sports is very important to my husband and myself.  So, we do have to stretch a bit to make that work.  It is great that you are able to provide these special opportunities for your kids.  Of course the best gift you have given them is their life. Give them a big hug from me!

Great question! I remember not having many means as kids. But, it didn't really matter at the time. There seems to be more stress now on having things (Ipods, Game Boys, Wii, etc).  But, the thing that I want to always follow my parents is their faith and hardwork.  I grew up on a small farm and learned how to work.  I think today this is also a missing factor in many children's lives. They often get things the easy way.  Thanks for the question!

I think I am not as calm and organized as it may seem. As I am writing, I am a nervous Nellie!  I was organized until I had kids.  Then I was tested and have failed many times.  But, the key thing is to get up and try again perhaps with another tactic.  I have been "bruised" many times! As far as having a big family, go for it! It's a blast!

I am glad you asked that question. One of the key factors in this whole family is my husband.  He is hard-working, funny and level headed.  He was not mentioned simply because the reporter spent the day with me.  She did not see that he was out of the house by 6:00 am painting a house.  He is also much better at discipling the kids. In a calm but firm way, he can get the kids to respond.  He is a great husband.  Thank you for bringing this up.  He is the backbone that gets unnoticed because I am the one making the noise!

This is a great question. I want to remind you that I am not expert just because I have many kids.  Sometimes a quick spank can break a certain behavior.  But, as I reflect on my experiences, a spank is more therapy for the spanker than a good tool.  But, overall, I am not opposed to spanking. I think it just needs some reflection before it is used.  Perhaps it is not really necessary in the long run. Thanks for asking this question.

SOmehow God helped me get through this time.  Right now, since my youngest is 15 months, I am feeling very restful.  But, I used to try to nap when the big kids were in school and the little ones napped.  Of course, not everyone napped. So, sometimes I would fall asleep for 5 minutes in the toyroom on the floor while the kids climbed on me.  I know that sounds horrific.  But, it worked.  But, you are right, 7  hours of sleep is very important for a parent. Good advice!

I am the daughter and proud membr of the lovely sapienza family. Mom said she would love to hear from you. If you email me, I can connect you. thanks for writing. sapienzat@washpost.com.

Thank you for sharing your opinion. I think you are right when you say: to each his own.

Great idea! Perhaps I should encourage that trade!  Actually, we have really great kids.  I have not seen the espionage tactic yet.  But, call me in a few years when they are all teenagers!  Actually, I may promote this....since tattling on your siblings during social events may be helpful to our parenting!!!

Great question! I physically separate them. Usually, I have to send one upstairs.  My kids have found way for pesonal space upstairs. The little ones generally stay upstairs.  So, it is clear for the older ones.  But, if they share rooms, I sometimes offer my room as an outlet for those who want to be alone....this does not happen much. But, certainly it is a concern and an important factor with lots of people. Thanks!

Sometimes I have relatives that get me bruised fruit from a grocery store. That has helped a lot since we eat a lot of applesauce!  I also frequent Entenmann's outlet for bread.  It's a great deal!

Yes, Jen was a math teacher for ten years before she had children. 

I have to tell you that in the fall, 8 of the kids play soccer.  The field is right down the street and my husband coaches many of them.  So, as far as conflicts, we are grateful to our many friends who help with car pooling.  So far, so good.....But, a great question!

Thanks for sharing your personal experience. When word got out that I was looking for a local family with lots of children, I was pleasantly surprised by the number of emails and calls I received. There are so many families in the area with 10+ children. And based on my conversations with those I spoke to, they all appear to be thriving and having fun.

Thank you for your question. Luckily, I did not have many complications.  I, of course, will not be signing up for any fashion shows (vericose veins!). But, in the long run, no big problems.  My Mom from Boston usually comes down for a week to help out. Thank goodness for family!

Good question.  I don't really have an answer to it.  Somehow God has provided in difficult times.  As it states in the article, we have been blessed with many generous friends.  I grew up with the same attitude that if you are generous with God, He will be generous with you.  Of course, we need to be smart and responsible.  So, it is important that you and your spouse are on the same page.....sometime we are in the same book and it takes a while to reach this page!  Good question.

Dad was definitely there, and definitely working hard, when I was with the family, but his work was outside the house earning extra income for the family. As I mentioned in my story, Larry runs a series of sports camps and paints houses (lots of houses) during the summer for extra money. He was there helping with dinner, telling stories and making the kids laugh.  I spent most of my time with Jen while Larry was working, which is a large part of why the story is mostly about her.

Wow! Great question!  I think NFP is the perfect answer to concerns regarding my last question.  I do not breast feed for several reasons. First, when we got married, my husband is super social. He did not want me feeding the baby in public places. Secondly, I was not breast fed so was very nervous about the whole idea.  Of course, it is the way nature was set up by the creator. So, I am in full support of those who do.  I was just uncomfortable. Thirdly, I tried with my sixth (silly idea) and was so tired that I ended up dropping the baby because I fell asleep....he was trying to eat 24/7.  So, after that, I decided it was not in the cards for me.  Congratualtions on your wedding!   Good luck withthe classes.  I would just suggest that you do not use NFP in a calculating way...so as to control. But, certainly if you need space and time, great!

Thank you so much for your comments!   I have heard some strong and unfortunately nasty comments today.  Please pray for the "team".

Hi. Thanks for writing. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I think the Kilmers are inspirational, too.  Spending time with them always gave me lots to think about. And hanging out with all of those cute (and very sweet) kids was fun, too!

Come on now. There's no reason to be hostile. This is family chat, people!

Thank you for your kind words and support!  Sometimes the negative comments can be a heavy weight to carry.  You acn e-mail the writer sapienzat@washpost.com. But, please do not concern yourself with us.  We are very happy and thankful for your kind words and support!  Keep suporting the large families!  You make us stronger!

My family was also very close in age and faith was very important to us.  My parents are rocks and a great example to the rest of my family.  They are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year, a great testament today.  We lso had a great home and property outside of Boston with a small farm.  This tool was a great way for them to teach us teammwork and physical labor.  I am very grateful to them. Thank you for this question. It has helped me.

To offer an opposing view, I, too, have only one child and Jen's comment didn't bother me one bit. In fact, I thought it was very sweet. And, it was her opinion, which you can agree or disagree with. I think we all have thoughts on the best gift you can give a child and not everyone has to agree with them.

Yes, fortunately, the Archdiocese and St Jude have been very helpful to us.  It has been a great oportunity which I am very gateful for.

If I can step in here, Jen and Larry CAN pay for the needs of their children. The gifts and/or help they receive from others are never solicited. They absolutely take their own responsibilty for their children and would without any help, too. 

I do worry about that fact.  However, it is also a good tool for teaching the kids responsibility in a large family.  However, when the opportunities arise, I try to let the older kids participate in fun events.  Right now, three of the girls are participating in an overnight camp.  It has been great for them!  I had a great "mother moment" on Tuesday. My son Tommy had a birthday. The girls all called and had their cabin mates sing him happy birthday!  It was so sweet!  So, far, they all are enjoying the big family.  I am aware, however, that this might become more difficult as they reach puberty....Pray for us!!!

There are two bedtimes: 8:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m..  The older ones (12 down to 8) go to bed later.  This gives me some time withe just the younger ones and makes the older ones feed like they are special.  (Although don't tell them they should go to bed later!)  It works for us!

I know! I only have a 19-month-old at home and sometimes I think I just can't handle everything that comes at me and everything that needs organizing. Jen and Larry really have their game on here, and it is very impressive.

My husand and I are Cahtolic and were brought up with a strong faith experience.  Of course, I know many similar minded families.  They are our support when things seems overwhelmingly negative. Thank you!

Usually, I can ignore the comments. It's the usual "Don't you have a tv?" "Do you know what causes this?" "When are you going to stop".  I thought I could say "We'll stop when we get an ugly one." But, then I realized that might not be good for the child....and the person might already think we should have stopped.  In any case, a smile is often the only response.  Or yes, we are blessed.  I don;t have good zingers.  But, sometimes, it's tempting to use one!

I hear you! I am in your same boat and always left the Kilmer house feeling like a wimp for feeling overwhelmed by my life sometimes.

Date nights are great!  I would often times rather saty at home.  But, my husband gets me out of the house.  It's often a great remedy 1) You are giving one-on-one time with your spouse and having conversation without interruption and 2) You are away from the often-times chaos and all that it entails.  As a very wise person told me, never go to bed angry.  A great rule of thumb!

Actually, we were asked today.   I am scared out of my mind!  Perhaps it will be more of a comedy!

So, should I also feel guilty about bringing my one daughter into the world when I could have just used my resources to help someone else instead?

We have many friends with large families. My husband teaches at The Heights School which has many large families. So, when there are school events, we see many of them.  We also know many in the neighborhood. SO, we often see them at our local pool. It's great for friendships to be cultivated.

I think the reaction to Jen's quote is so interesting because I felt so differently upon hearing it. But, like I said, and like you illustrate, everyone has their own, personal thoughts about the best gift you can give a child and we should all be respectful of the differences in opinion.

Mostly, I have people with their eyes popping out of their heads.  My kids are now noticing this and are getting a big kick out of it.  We had a funny event in Boston in June.  We were able to go to a restaurant and the waitress said, "What do we have here? A camp? A daycare? A school? What do we got?  ...then when I said a family, she said "No!....are the tv cameras gonna be comin in here?  I not ready for the tv cameras!"  We got a big kick out of that one!

Not a silly question at all - I asked it myself during the interview. Jen told me she doesn't sort socks; they all go in a single drawer in the playroom.

Honestly, I do not manage it very well. This is a great question and a big concern.  We are going to do all we can to make it work this year...and next year, etc.  I need to quote my mother. She always used to say "You need to get your kids into Heaven, not Harvard."  So, with this in mind, if you can do this with public school education, fine.  I find it more helpful to have the kids learning the faith at school and within the different subjects.  But, if we cannot afford to feed them, then this will change and we will do all we can to teach them the faith at home.

Well, a doctor can make a recommendation to a patient, then the patient decides to take that recommendation or not. Simple as that.

We are trying to help them with a Catholic education now.  Hopefully, it will sreve them well in the future.  But, you have made a very good point.  We have told the kids that they probably will go to MC for the basic requirements and work. Then, they can specialize.  I hope it works.  Great question.

Gratitude for the good, the bad, the lack of funds, the scrapes, the bruises....and the crying. It's all to be thanked for.  Thank you for such a great reminder!

I know the author of this comment....Not a chance (ha ha)

WOW! Thanks for the comment!  I will certainly pass it on to Larry.  A big hug!

But who is to say how many is more than the Kilmer's can handle? For some, one child is even more than they can handle.  When someone gifts me with a giftcard to a baby or kids's store or my parents pick-up the tab on things for us just because, is it unfair or irresponsible for me to accept their kindness and generosity? It's a gift. And the choice to give a gift is made by the giver, not the receiver.

I have to admit, I hate cooking.  But, as with any great job, there are parts that are more cahllenging. For those of you who know me, my maiden name is Cook.  My friends used to tell me my middle name was "Can't".  So, be that as it may, I need a good hour to make dinner.  I have about 7 - 10 meals that I know the famiy likes.  My motto is "you get what you get and you don't get upset".  But, if I have aperson who doesn't want to eat, I usually ask them how old they are.  This tells them how many boites thay have to take.  Usually, it gets them eating.  Otherwise, I might sneak them a pb & j later, if they do not eat....So much for sticking to the rules!

I recently started making soup. It seems to spread the meat and the kids like it.  I cannot say it would have worked a few years ago, however. Again, I would also like to point people to the website: lotsofkids.com. It has some great tips! Thanks for the question!

I would suggest that you go to the website lotsofkids.com. It has some great tips!

Thanks for the nice comment. I thought the story was a nice break from the rest of the bad news, to

For us, we go to Mass on Sunday with the older kids. We have decided that once a child is 6 in our house, they go to Sunday Mass.  The younger ones stay at home with a babysitter.  This may not work for your family. But, in this way, we can pray better and can focus on the Mass (or service).  The younger ones know that Mass is special. However, since they have not reached the age of reason, they cannot really understand what is going on. besides, I can get really flusteres and nervous about keeping them quiet instead of focusing on what is happening.  I hope this helps.

No. We do nt do allowances.  I do not think I could keep track of it. Besides, I think sometimes allowances make the kids think they should get rewards for their teamwork.

Of course they are doing more.  You are right.  I am constantly asking for their help.  I am no super mom.  But, I have super kids!

No, not yet.

Usually, I do not address this fact.  I just keep quiet.  They can figure it out in a short time ....a few pauses.

My plan is to return to teaching. This is one thing I love to do!!!!