Live Q&As

My husband and I have five granddaughters, ages 19, 18, 16, 14 and 9. I have taken the older four individually to England, Ireland, Holland and Iceland and plan to take the youngest to Paris next summer. (My husband has taken our grandsons to the Super Bowl and hiking in Alaska.) To my surprise and outrage, her older sister and cousins have erupted, claiming the youngest always gets the best and this is no exception. I admit the youngest is a bit spoiled, and she doesn't help things by loudly proclaiming, "Grandma likes ME best -- she's taking me to PARIS!" But she is also a timid, awkward, somewhat backward child, and I see this is an opportunity to help her bloom. Mostly, though, I'm concerned about how to deal with the older four. I can't undo their trips, and it's too soon to cut them out of the will. We all had wonderful trips and have wonderful memories. Why isn't that enough?

My wife and I have three sons and a much younger daughter, who was born when her brothers were 20, 18 and 10. We were 50 and47 at the time. She's now 6 and a joy, but we are exhausted. Partly it's our age, of course; but everything is SO emotional. Bedtime, bathtime, what to wear, what to eat. She's a dawdler and cries a lot. We do, too! My wife said that yesterday, after grocery shopping for an hour, they both cried in the car for 20 minutes. Our boys were/are by and large easy kids, practical, a bit rough-and-tumble but gave us no real problems. The one still at home is ready to move out due to all of this drama, and I might go with him! Just kidding of course, but what can we do?

Do you have any suggestions for a 6.5-year-old boy who bites his nails and toenails? We're especially concerned because he bites the outer layer skin around his nails to the point where it looks like he only has a single layer of dermis to protect him! We've tried the nasty-tasting nail "polish," offering chewing gum (he doesn't want it), keeping his hands busy, etc. Nothing works.

Good morning. My husband and I are expecting our first child, and we've begun to look for daycare options. Waiting lists around here are one and a half years long! The costs are astronomical: $1600 to $2100 a month was the range of quotes we got recently for full time daycare. That's more than our mortgage! What other options should we pursue? We live in the D.C. area and would love to know of any other resources we should be taking a look at as we dive into the search. Thanks.

Hi. My youngest son, 10 years old, is in fifth grade. He was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and has been on Focalin, Ritalin and now Adderall. At school there was a recent incident where he tried to help a fellow student by sharing something. The student wanted what my son was using (which my son wasn't willing to share), and other students got involved. My son got angry, said some unkind things and started crying. He was sent down to to the guidance counselor to cool off. After school he didn't want to talk to mom and dad because he said thinking about it made him mad. We finally got him to share about what happened because we wanted to hear his side since we heard about what happened from the school counselor. Why was it so hard to get him to talk to us? He was in therapy with a social worker for the first year of his ADHD diagnosis, but we discontinued it because my son didn't want to go anymore. I have considered getting him to see a therapist again to talk about his anger and frustrations, but he is a child that doesn't want to talk about his troubles. And maybe we should just let him be? As his mom, I'd appreciate any insight and suggestions.

I never knew my father-in-law, but by all accounts he was a cold, distant man who, if not physically abusive, treated his children very badly. He spent little time with them. No gifts, never told them he loved them. My sister-in-law was in and out of the hospital with leukemia as a child, and he never once came to see her, which she says was fine with her. We now have four young children, and my husband is bound and determined not to repeat his father's mistakes, which is great. I would not have married him otherwise. But with such a poor role model, he has no idea what to do. He showers them with presents, often inappropriate; our youngest is still terrified of the 6' teddy bear he foisted on her last week (a "just because" gift, no particular reason). He also wants to spend every minute playing with them and taking them places. I hope that in time this translates into his coaching their little league teams or running their scout troops, but in the meantime it's just too much. Perhaps because of his childhood, he has poor listening skills and is not terribly patient. His heart's in the right place, but our lives are currently chaos. How do you suggest we start to straighten things out? The kids are 5, 4-year-old twins, and 2 -- two boys and two girls.

My latest grandchild's name is Algonqua. (It's a girl.) Do children with unusual names thrive, or do they find it a burden? We named our children Mary, Mike and Jennifer, and find this all very unsettling.

Hi, Marguerite. Thanks for taking my question. We have a 4-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son. I grew up with sisters, so maybe that's why my perspective is off, but our son seems to be wildly aggressive and physical in a way our daughter has never been. He does "normal" toddler things like hitting (which we address) but also things like pouncing on our daughter and rolling over on top of her, chasing after her and pulling her pants and underwear down, sitting on her head, all these extremely aggressive, extremely uncomfortable (for our daughter and for us as his parents!) things. I stay at home with him, so I know he's not exposed to anything like this, and I know he's not been abused in any way. We're just at a total loss as to what to do about it. Thanks in advance for your advice.

I have three teens at home. My son is the oldest and he often says mean, cutting things to the younger two (twin daughters) -- completely without provocation. I think he is jealous (he struggles with ADD and anxiety). But I feel he is old enough to know better (he is a senior in high school), and we don't need to talk about it anymore. He just needs to leave the room for 15 mins (longer?). My husband is not as strict about it, but I just think he needs to learn that rude talk is unacceptable. Period. Help!

I have a tendency to look to the future and worry about everything related to my children. My latest worry is that my son, 19 and in college, has never had a paying job and is either not motivated or lacks the confidence to look for one. I've provided suggestions and websites and am very much trying to be supportive but not push. I thought over winter break he might start his inquiries into summer positions, but that hasn't happened. Last summer he checked out a couple of places and then gave up and did a once a week volunteer stint (for a couple of hours each week). He is a very low maintenance young man so he doesn't need much money. I am worried that without some experience, when he leaves college he'll have no job seeking or interviewing skills. Is this where you tell me just stay cool and lay low and he'll find his way?

Check out www.infanttoddler.com. It is an organization that accredits and organizes home daycares throughout Northern Virginia. I admit I have never used them, but I have always heard good things about them.

I'm wondering why your first LW was musing "cutting them out of the will" as an option in dealing with angry grandchildren, but it was "too soon". Was she joking? This seems to be a very wealthy family that uses money and trips to mold desired behavior. Why didn't you call her out on that?

Not sure if this is a question for you, or for the travel folks, but here goes. I'd love to take a trip with my family next year. It'll be me, my husband, a 5-year-old and an 18-month-old (both boys). But what's realistic? I know what's fun for the adults (driving around Ireland, anyone?) would NOT be fun for the littles, so any suggestions on fun trips with them would be appreciated. Thanks.

We have two healthy kids aged 3.5 years old and 2 years old. I'm 40. I've given myself two more months to decide if we're going to try for another child. My husband "sees the light at the end of the tunnel" now that our second child is more of a kid than a baby and doesn't want to mess with the awesome relationship the two currently share. So he says no (but would say yes if I pressed). We both grew up with only a sibling and very much enjoyed that. I can't understand why I have this very strong desire to have a third kid other than wanting to be pregnant again and knowing my biological clock is pretty much up, this is my last shot at another, and I'm not wanting to have a baby after 41. Friends and family are being respectful in keeping their opinions to themselves. I know I will always want a third, but if I do get prenant, I will look back at raising two kids as being "easy" and think "why didn't I pick the easy path?" Feel like I can't win. Of course I've already won, but you know what I mean. I just have to make a decision soon. HELP!

Our youngest, 2, is very particular that things be a certain way. We figured this out last summer when he was very distressed until we closed a cabinet door in the kitchenette of the hotel room we stayed in. Well, we've just moved into a different house, and everything is chaotic and in boxes. He become rather distressed when the packers came and put everything in boxes (frequent pointing and asking "gone?" with a somewhat worried expression), and I'm wondering how to help him adjust to the fact that right now we don't have places for things yet, and just because something will get unpacked in one place, doesn't mean that will be it's true spot long-term. Thoughts on helping him cope?

My daughter and my father are exceptionally close. He lives in a different city and recently had a stroke that has resulted in him being paralyzed and having a speech deficit. When is an appropraite time to take a (quite advanced) 4.5-year-old to see him? We want to have her help motivate his physical therapy, but we don't want to really scare or upset her.