Live Q&As

I don't know if I agree about falling moral structures of the family, but I do agree that the domestically inclined person in the family does not need to be the woman. In fact, I strongly believe that if we're going to be reclaiming dometicity and housework as an environmental and moral good, it needs to be done by both men and women. 

There's certainly privilege involved for anyone who can afford to quit a job and make DIY domesticity their whole life. Though I wouldn't necessarily say that it's a super-rich person thing - many of the stay-at-home women I've talked to have been married to schoolteachers or plumbers or other members of the middle class, but are living very downsized lifestyles compared to their peers. That said, it's only a minority of DIYers that don't work - most American women DO work, out of necessity or choice or both. I think the frustration you feel is really common - the stakes have been raised on domesticity, but few people have the time to pursue it all the way. This is one of the big conundrums of New Domesticity: if we're going to be embracing Slow Food or make-your-own baby food or whatever, who is going to be responsible for the extra labor, and where does the time come from?

Wow, that's a great (and difficult) question! I think there definitely can be an element of what Joan Williams was talking about, but it's not the full story. For educated, creative women who have left the workforce (whether they "opted out" or were pushed out by family-unfriendly policies is another question), there's certainly a vacuum left that a traditional consumerist approach to housekeeping (buy Clorox! Eat Lean Cuisine!) doesn't fill. Many women I've spoken to have said they would "never" be "1950s-style" housewives, but that the new style of crafty, DIY homemaking is very fulfilling to them. Whether they're "justifying" their choice to quit working by embracing extreme homemaking depends on the person - I think there's definitely an element of that for some people. There does seem to be a huge element of competition to homemaking and motherhood (this is not new, but does seem to be getting worse), and it'll be interesting to see how this plays out with New Domesticity. 

Another great question! Like I said to another reader, I think a degree of privilege is implicit for any woman who has actually quit her job to stay home - but these are the minority, since most women (including mothers) work. And even among the (heterosexual) stay-at-homers I talked to, most were not particularly wealthy - many lived "downsized" lives to be able to exist on their husband's salaries. (whether or not existing on your husband's salary is a good idea is another question entirely!). Race is another good question, one which I don't know much about yet. I do know that questions of staying at home versus working are very different for African-American women than for white women. While white mothers are often judged as "bad mothers" for working, African-American mothers are judged more for NOT working because of ugly "welfare queen" stereotypes. It's a thorny question, one I look forward to learning more about. Thanks for your comments! 

That's a really good point. Urbanites and suburbanites seem to have these really gauzy, romanticized fantasy of farm life, but that stuff's definitely hard work! I have a good friend who grew up in rural North Carolina and remembers how hot and sticky and tiring it was for her aunts to can tomatoes every summer. As an adult, she thinks the mania for canning is really funny. 

That's such an important question. I do think a lot of the re-embrace of traditional "women's work" IS happening outside the boundaries of the traditional nuclear family - single urban women joining knitting circles, lesbian crafters, etc. When you see this stuff outside the context of the family, it's easier to see it as "fun" or "choice." But it's in the family-with-kids (whether that's a heterosexual or homosexual family) that we start to see questions of guilt or obligation or the division of labor crop up. 

RE gay families - some sociologists think that the continued acceptance of gay families will help further break down the still-existing divisions between what society sees as "men's work" and "women's work." When you have a family with two dads, there's no such thing as women's work! 

Wish I had an answer for you! One of the women I've talked to for my book, a neo-homesteader, told me that she gets emails all the time from women who want to get their husbands on board with raising backyard chickens. So you're not the only one with this issue! 

I'm not blaming anyone for keeping women down, only suggesting that there are unanswered questions and potential problem spots involved in the re-embrace of traditional domestic work. 

That said, I think the awful, anti-family policies of the American workplace are a huge, huge, huge part of what makes domesticity seem appealing in contrast. It's been shown that the so-called "opt out" movement is really more about being "pushed out" - many women would love to continue their careers but feel like the lack of maternity leave/the expectations of 60-hour work weeks etc. make it impossible, so they opt out or drop down to part-time. Men feel these pressures as well, but they also feel a correspondingly greater societal pressure to be breadwinners, which seems to keep them in the workforce more.  This is all really problematic. 

While I never said this was about "women hurting themselves," I did suggest that it was a pretty big problem that we live in a society where people don't feel safe with the food system (or the public school system, etc) and women are feeling the need to take up the slack themselves, unpaid. I want to see a world where the food system is safe and the schools are good - for everyone - such that we don't HAVE to resort to DIY. This is not a criticism of the women who do it, it's a criticism of the system. 

I think bringing back home-ec (and not just the kind that means mixing boxed cake mix) would be a great idea! In fact, it seems to be an idea that's gaining traction lately - I recently read a New York Times editorial about bringing back home-ec. 

Awesome! Good luck:) 

I'm hoping that, with our generation and the next, we can really break down the gender labels on different kinds of work, and everyone can do what they enjoy! 

So many good questions in here. I think you're totally right about this. Women are taking on domestic DIY more than men in part because it's historically tied to the female sphere and that perception hasn't totally changed yet. It's also deeply tied to nurturing/caregiving work, which is still by and large seen by society as feminine. I think it's awesome that we're giving these things the respect they deserve, and I hope men will continue to get involved. I think men ARE involved in a lot of aspects of the DIY movement - urban farming, music, etc - just not as much (yet) in the domestic sphere, for all the reasons mentioned above.