Live Q&As

You must be a hell of a conversationalist. Are there that many rich men who complain, "All my wife wants to do is have sex with me,  but she doesn't listen when I take her out to dinner?"  I believe that when entering a new relationship one doesn't have to disclose all past sexual encounters, but that you do owe your new love information that's relevant. That includes such things as STD status, or having slept with your boyfriend's brother. Your question is not about sex, but money. But if you've  engaged in professional activities that you would be too embarrassed to tell your beloved, then you probably should tell because you surely don't want someone else to tell.  I'm assuming some friends of yours must have known how you managed to avoid student debt. Since you engaged, you've waited a rather long time to reveal how you put yourself through college.  I think you should tell your fiance that for several years you went out with a series of rich men who helped support you but with whom you didn't have sex.  If he asks you direct questions, answer them honestly. He may find this hard to believe, he may be repulsed, he may admire your entrepreneurial spirit. But you don't want to be worried that someone else will mention to him the real reason you could afford that down payment.

My daughter was still in her high chair having dinner when our first trick or treater -- wearing a wolfman mask -- came to the door, and my husband thought it would be great to bring him into the house and show our toddler.  Naturally, hysterics ensued. Nonetheless she recovered and went on to be dressed as a witch and a skeleton during her elementary school years and even asked to go  back twice to the house of the people with the twitching plastic rat.  Sure your neighbor's  daugther was scared, but being a parent means not expecting the world  to bend to your child, but guiding your child through the world.  If the parents have carried out this grudge for a year, I feel sorry that their little girl is missing lessons in humor and resilience.  My suggestion is that before you start the decorating you go over and speak to the parents and say that you'd enjoy it if their daughter (and her parents) came over to help your sons decorate the house. Say that you think if she helps  the big boys, and can see all this scary stuff is just things in boxes and not so scary after all, that she will really enjoy the festivities. If they shut the door in your face, tell your sons to skip their house when they go out for candy.

 Unless you work at Hooters, or a strip club, breast size is one of those things that is not on the approved list of water cooler conversation.  There will be some people who can't help themselves, "Jeez, Louise, you almost knocked me over with your new knockers." But while there is sure to be plenty of chatter about this behind your back, if not in front of your chest, you should just slap on one of those Mona Lisa smiles and change the subject.  To fend off comments such as, "I wish every woman went on vacation the same place you did!" in advance of your departure you could also confide in the office gossip. You could tell her that you're finally getting the breast augmentation surgery you've always wanted, but you're worried about what will happen when you return because you really, really don't want to talk about it.  Before you go ahead, I'm going to urge you to rethink your plans. I get that you're unhappy being small-breasted and that there's a fix for that. But it just doesn't make sense to overreact to the tune of a D cup. Before you make this change permanent, get some gigantic falsies and spend a few weekends wearing them. Maybe you'll see that the attention they engender is not something you want to experience every day and that you'd be happier with a more modest expansion.

I'm assuming your young child to the best of her ability is reporting what your friend actually said. If so, then your friend has rocks for a brain and a heart.  But first of all, you've got to get your friend's version. Bear in mind, even the most seeingly loving and mature older brother or sister has been known to become a snarling dog once realizing that this adorable new baby is here for keeps. So sit down with your friend and say you appreciate her stepping up during your emergency. Then explain that  Marissa's adjustment to her new sister has recenlty been particularly difficult and you'd like to know what the friend said to her about the new baby.  If your friend says she gave Marissa the standard pablum about how exciting it is to be a big sister, then you have to say Marissa must really have misunderstood. Say she reported that you that you told her she was being replaced. You understand this would have been teasingly, but that  for the sake of your daughter's psychological health it's really important you know what was said.  If she owns up then say to her you'd like her  to apologize to  Marissa and explain  what she said wasn't true, it was just a very bad joke.  When that's done you can privately say to her that you are deeply wounded that she would tell a vulnerable girl something so terrible and you hope she sees the distress she's caused all of you.  I don't see how you go on with a friendship with someone so lacking in judgment.

Thank you. It's always so helpful to hear from someone else who has been there.

You introduce her and then the two of then tell your delightful story about reconnecting. She says something like, "I was getting popcorn at the movie theater last year when I saw Dan ordering Rasinettes. I even said, 'Hey Mr. Miller',  it's Courtney Simmons." Then you say at first you didn't recognize her, it had been years since  you'd seen her.  But you started talking and sparks flew.  By doing this you charmingly answer all the questions that are forming in the minds of your colleagues and you are reassuring everyone that this relationship didn't start until Courtney was long out of school and an adult.  Remember that if you act and feel guilty, that will send the subliminal message that there actually is a dirty little secret to this romance.  There isn't, so be glad Courtney's yearbook is gathering dust and that you have found each other.

What a treat, you've taken care of every Halloween pun and I don't have a ghost of a chance trying to compete.  As with the previous letter writer with the overly protective parents, you cannot find yourselves intimidated from enjoying your holiday because of who you live next to. Fortunately, you don't have to worry that if you offend these fundamentalist, they will come after you with pitchforks and torches. But it's likely things will get icy after the holiday.  It could be these are the kind of people who don't believe in Christmas decorations and Santa displays,  so bending to their will only take the fun out of life.  Since you have become friendly with them, before Satan takes over your house you could ring the bell and give them a heads up. Explain that all of you enjoy Halloween and you wanted them to know that you are are going to be decorating.  Then tell your kids not to ring the door bell of those neighbors.

Many well-endowed women are writing in with similar warnings!

I'm no vegan, but I'm gratified to know I'm not the only worm rescuer out there. I just can't stand to see them  sizzling as they try to navigate a hot sidewalk, so I often bend down and place them on the grass.   This deed is balanced out, however, by my smashing of the moths that make it into the house and the stomping on the ants in my kitchen.  It could be that your fiance would be happy being a Jain. These people are so non-violent they refuse to eat root vegetables because of the microorganisms they contain and sweep a broom in front of them as they walk to avoid stepping on insects.  In India such beliefs are a religion, but in the U.S. this behavior would be seen as madness. Being so equisitely attuned to suffering down to the earthworm level means your fiancee is going to go through life in a constant state of pain.  I'm afraid she needs to toughen up and focus her efforts on a few things she can change.   How you get her there will require some delicacy on your part. But first of all you need to draw your own boundaries.  Say that you support her worm rescue efforts, but next time it rains, you're sleeping in.  Explain you are a vegan for health and moral reasons, but in order to get through life you can't make everything a cause.  Before you get married think long and hard about spending your life with someone willing to fight for cockroach rights.

Lots of women are writing in about how they wish they'd known there was an easier way to finance that law school education.  Sure, there must be rich men willing to pay for the  company of an attractive woman. But my impression is that rich men don't tend to have trouble finding such people without drawing up contracts.  Of course, one celebrity (can't remember who) who got caught up in a prostitution scandal explained there was a reason he paid when so many women would do t for free: "You aren't paying for the sex. You're paying for them to leave."

Write her a letter apologizing. Say that out of your own sadness you made a horribly insensitive remark which you deeply regret. Say your heart breaks at the loss of Claire and you never meant to denigrate the pain your friend will always feel.  Say you hope she can forgive your blunder. 

Finding out you're in danger of dying is an acceptable reason to override a previous agreement.  Send Lisa an email with a subject line to the effect: Immediate Health Crisis, Please Read, and  outline your situation. If you don't hear from her, perhaps she's blocking your email, so have a mutual friend contact her to tell her.   It could be that Lisa is still so mad that she doesn't care enough to see you through this.  I'm pretty sure that if you do then turn to  the other woman to care for you, Lisa will find out.  So if that's what you end up doing, once you recover all of you will have a lot of reassessing to do.

Good solution!