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August 19, 2014

11:38
A.M.

ComPost Live with Alexandra Petri

Total Responses: 72

About the hosts

About the host

Alexandra Petri

About the topic

Join us next Tuesday to laugh, cry, and dish about the moments that amused you, shocked you, or caused you to yell things that frightened the other people on the subway.

Past ComPost Live Chats

Connect on Twitter: @PostLive | @petridishes
Q.

Alexandra Petri :

Howdy all!

There were some problems with the hamsters who power our servers (for once, it wasn't that I was late!! (yes that merits two !!'s)) and they just now got fixed! Anyone still in this thing?

Q.

My efforts to save amazon.com from their financial struggles

I wish to send a message to help one of your advertisers on your site: Dear amazon,com. I do not know how you coded your cookies (or donuts or whatever it is that tracks my purchases), yet you do not need to show me ads on washingtonpost..com for the exact same book I just bought from you. You do not need to advertise something I already bought. I hope this helos.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I hope it helos too!

 

– August 19, 2014 11:40 AM
Q.

We can't submit questions?

Can you make some up?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

"Petri, have you seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet?"
"Why yes, yes I have! And it warmed all my cockles! It made owning a plant look almost appealing."

– August 19, 2014 11:41 AM
Q.

Boost for Blandings

Enjoyed Sunday's two episodes on WETA. Lord Emsworth didn't have all the good lines. Freddy was big in both. First featured two urchins from London. Second introduced the imposter theme -- with two independent fakers of Portuguese. One was an awkward and unsuitable (as potential husband) priest. So a number of reliable Wodehouse themes were successfully brought into play.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I am really enjoying your weekly "Is Blandings Worth It" updates, or I guess "blandingshments"! I think I will have to tune in!

– August 19, 2014 11:42 AM
Q.

Just wondering

If a message falls in the forest, will it be retweeted?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Not if it falls in the forest during off-peak hours.

But it might get a favorite or two.

– August 19, 2014 11:44 AM
Q.

Now available to stores everywhere...

Have you put up your Halloween decorations yet? Time is wasting.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Really?

I love Halloween, inordinately! I have some cobwebs in my hallway, but they were put there by real spiders, not hung intentionally by me!

Oh, I have an idea for a chat around that time, if people are interested: we could pretend it wasn't 11 in the morning, gather round a small metaphorical fire with or without marshmallows, and share scary stories from Reddit or other sources.

– August 19, 2014 11:45 AM
Q.

I'm still here

Can we talk about twitter is all Ferguson and facebook is all cold water and not at all vice versa? Fascinating.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

That certainly describes what my feeds look like, but I hear from other people with other algorithms that theirs can differ. But this seems to be the majority experience of people who've spoken up.

– August 19, 2014 11:46 AM
Q.

johnny manziel

It looks like the Browns coach will have to make Manziel the starter since the backup always has to give out the play calls with hand gestures Given Manziel's One Finger Salute last night, he can't be trusted to be doing the play call hand gestures.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ah, but then he'll have to do the one thing he's worse at than making hand gestures: playing actual football.

– August 19, 2014 11:48 AM
Q.

Star Trek

True Trek fans already know that today is Gene Roddenberry's birthday ...though alas, he's dead and can't enjoy it with the rest if us fans.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

He's a Trek McCoy and I'm a Wars Hatfield, but ever since Abrams the twain have been meeting. Happy birthday, sir!

– August 19, 2014 11:49 AM
Q.

Harvard Researc

I see there has been two decade long research at Harvard on ending aging. It sounded interesting until the researcher said something about biting the neck and,,,, Seriously, though it was stated we could live maybe up to 150, We'll, Harvard graduates could. Not sure about the rest of us,
A.
Alexandra Petri :

On the bright side, a world full of 150 year-old Harvard graduates would not be a world anyone else would want to spend much time in.

– August 19, 2014 11:50 AM
Q.

Bookface

So if someone forwards your column to fb and it flags it as "satire" is it going to start flagging everything from the WaPo as satire? I mean in addition to George Will's columns.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Mine never flags as satire, which explains much of my early troubles with commenters. Also, unlike the Onion, I often write in the first person as myself, and you can never be sure that a person with an obviously wrong opinion isn't just an idiot or troglodyte. If I had a dime for every "I hope he's just trolling us..."

– August 19, 2014 11:52 AM
Q.

Etymology

We have a verb for getting your pants taken off ("pantsed") but what about putting them on? Empanted? Empantalooned? De-pantsed? "I empantsed myself." Help me out here?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Can't "pantsed" be one of those words that's it's own antonym, like "cleave"? I think it should be!

– August 19, 2014 11:53 AM
Q.

Scary Halloween story

Did I ever tell you about the scary giant rat that comes out around Halloween and eats your food and the insulation on your electrical wiring and steals dollars bills for bedding and jewelry because it likes shiny objects and…oh, wait, this is a true story, not a scary fictional one, Never mind.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Mine specifically? Or is this a general rat?

– August 19, 2014 11:54 AM
Q.

Blame the poor hamsters!

What do you call a hamster with a top hat? Abrahamster Lincoln Why not just blame Honest Abe?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ho ho ho

What do you call a ham with a top hat?

 

– August 19, 2014 11:57 AM
Q.

Re: Idea for a chat

Caroline Hax's topic chats are called hootenannies, and her chatters are called the 'nuts (for "peanut gallery"). Any ideas of what your chatters should call ourselves?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I'll open this to the floor!

"The floor"?

Whoa, I am unprepared!

– August 19, 2014 11:58 AM
Q.

"General Rat?"

Is this Snowden's commanding officer?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Or General Re-Rat, who knew Winston Churchill back in the day!

– August 19, 2014 11:59 AM
Q.

your book

I hope you're doing illustrations for your book instead of photos, using MS Paint, of course. Photography was around in Charles Dickens' time, but he chose illustrations over printed photos. You should do the same. Phiz would be proud.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I'm not sure what the status is on illustrations. I've drawn one, but so far it's all by itself in a large manuscript.

– August 19, 2014 12:00 PM
Q.

one of those words that's it's own antonym, like "cleave"?

Or "sanction"? Or "inflammable"?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Yes, those!

– August 19, 2014 12:00 PM
Q.

Star Wars

What is this "Star Wars" of which you speak. Is it one of those talent com;edition shows?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

OUT

OUT OF THE CHAT

RIGHT NOW

– August 19, 2014 12:01 PM
Q.

Film funds

A new "Star Trek" fan funding campaign has just hit warp speed. The crowdfunding campaign for "Star Trek: Axanar" — a fan-funded "Star Trek" film — has raised more than $200,000, donated through the website …Yahoo News Space-That's where the real money is!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Imagine if we spent this kind of money on real space instead of just fictional space!

– August 19, 2014 12:01 PM
Q.

The Ads still aren't working

You might have to reschedule to appease the advert gods.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Did you see that Gawker story about how Time writers were being ranked by how useful they were to cultivating advertiser relationships, among other criteria, in deciding whether to let them go? I mean, did you see that DUNKIN DONUTS CLASSIC TASTE LOW PRICES story about how NORTHROP GRUMMAN just makes me feel SO SAFE?

– August 19, 2014 12:03 PM
Q.

Trekkies vs., um, Warriors

You may like Wars better, but you have to admit Gene Roddenberry's Wikipedia profile pic beats the heck out of George Lucas's.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ha!

Yeah. It's Han and Jabba.

– August 19, 2014 12:04 PM
Q.

Cleaning rises

I like that we could be Petri Dishes. You dish it out, we dish it back and we do so while dishing others.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Here's an option!

– August 19, 2014 12:05 PM
Q.

What do you call a ham with a top hat?

I don't know. Search says, "You know those jokes that start “What do you call . . .” and usually end with a groan." So here's a groan. GROAN. Do some moaning, please!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

YOU CALL IT JOHN WILKES BOOTH

– August 19, 2014 12:05 PM
Q.

Answer

Alexander Hamster
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I guess you could also call it that.

– August 19, 2014 12:06 PM
Q.

General Informaiton

What's the name of the narcoleptic general? General Anesthesia.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

What's the name of the general who specialized in background noise? General Hubbub

– August 19, 2014 12:06 PM
Q.

Who are we?

What should we name ourselves as your followers? Dishes? Greaters? Whatever we decide, we need to get leather jackets with the name of the back.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Hamsters?

No, that's just today!

I'd definitely go for a leather jacket!

– August 19, 2014 12:07 PM
Q.

Your true fans

77 brave souls made it through the delay. See, Gene, we will stick by you no matter what,
A.
Alexandra Petri :

HAH

– August 19, 2014 12:07 PM
Q.

chatters are called the 'nuts (for "peanut gallery"

The Chatterati?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I like that too!

– August 19, 2014 12:08 PM
Q.

Any ideas of what your chatters should call ourselves?

"“Well, I’m thinking about inventing Gentiles.” “Gentiles?” I asked. “What are those?” “You know,” Jesus answered. “Jews who drink.”" New Yorker Chatters who chat while drunk. Chunkers!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I need to catch up, if this is so! Wow, you start early!

– August 19, 2014 12:09 PM
Q.

Trend pieces

If I remember right, the mainstream media got to blow off most of their steam about Gen X by writing about Kurt Cobain's death. You need to nominate some millennial celebrity to be sacrificed for the same purpose.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

But this is a problem: if we sacrifice one that people will be genuinely sad about, we all lose. If we sacrifice any of the names that instantly spring to mind, nobody will be quite as sad as the writers of trend pieces would hope.

– August 19, 2014 12:10 PM
Q.

Re: words that are their own antonyms

Has the word "contranym" been sanctioned for this concept?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

There's some very complicated joke to be made here about Iran Contranym, but I am several drinks behind you all and don't know what it is.

– August 19, 2014 12:11 PM
Q.

Chatters

I've always wanted to be called Xavier.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

"Xavier!"

– August 19, 2014 12:11 PM
Q.

Satire

Wait? Your column is now satire? When did this happen?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

It's generally not! But sometimes it is!

I hope that cleared things up!

– August 19, 2014 12:17 PM
Q.

Names

We should all have a few drinks before the chat and call ourselves petrifried.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Fun fact: I used to draw a really terrible cartoon in high school called "Petrified Wood." The protagonist was a piece of wood who was petrified. There were no jokes, that I can think of.

– August 19, 2014 12:18 PM
Q.

What should we name ourselves as your followers? Dishes? Greaters?

Missled
A.
Alexandra Petri :

HA

– August 19, 2014 12:18 PM
Q.

what to call ourselves

Given your earlier tweet about calling in the cavalry to fix the web server, maybe we can be The Cavalry or something where we get to dress up in fancy military uniforms with feathered hats and ride in on horses to save you from web servers, mice in the office, or similar.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

As long as we still get to put our names on the back!

– August 19, 2014 12:18 PM
Q.

Xaviers

There's a faculty member in my department who goes by his middle name so that he can be officially addressed as "Professor Xavier." Nickname obviously "Prof X." No evidence of telepathy....SO FAR.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

That you KNOW OF and REMEMBER

– August 19, 2014 12:19 PM
Q.

I saw a tree fall in the forest.

Breezy day. Watching the treeline. Paddled around a bend. One pine fell, cracking other branches as it went down.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ah, but you were there. It was showing off.

– August 19, 2014 12:20 PM
Q.

Airplanes

Petri, help me understand this: why do some people stand up as soon as the aircraft gets to the gate but before the jetway is in place. You're not getting off the plane any faster! Sit down!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Some people are go-getters, and we will never understand their mysterious ways.

Fun fact: I've been trying to get onto a sleep schedule that isn't 4 to 11 the wrong way, so I was reading Marcus Aurelius to see what got him out of bed. The answer turned out to be that whenever he was reluctant to get out of bed, he would say to himself "but today I get to do the work which is given to me as a human being." Then he would look at all the ants who were already up and think how much nicer it was to be a human being doing human-being work than an ant doing ant-work, and then it would occur to him how comfortable the bed was, but he would remind himself that he was not put on earth for thoughtless pleasures and --

well, long story short, I would not recommend it as a wake-up technique.

I'm not sure what this had to do with the airport people.

– August 19, 2014 12:22 PM
Q.

Triers

Since you pronounce your name to rhyme with "try", we could be the Triers. We decide who in the public eye is innocent or guilty or whatever we make up about them.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Lars Von could be our second member!

– August 19, 2014 12:23 PM
Q.

The Disherati

Not only because of Petri dishes, but also because of the old saying, "I don't care what you call me, just don't call me late for dinner."
A.
Alexandra Petri :

"Late for dinner!"
Oh, wait, I get it now.

– August 19, 2014 12:24 PM
Q.

petrified wood

Was Woody afraid to appear in public, make major decisions, or take other bold actions because he was petrified?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Not really? He became a cub scout leader, for some reason, and led a bunch of wood chips on a trip to see nature. A squirrel nested in him for a brief time.

– August 19, 2014 12:25 PM
Q.

Bombers

If we all get leather jackets, we should pick a cool name, like the Bombers. Only we would never be let onto an airplane ever again.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Well, who needs those airplane people and go-getters, anyway?

– August 19, 2014 12:25 PM
Q.

Ant-work?

I like that your first thought for solving the problem "I don't want to get out of bed" was "well let's see what Marcus Aurelius had to say about this." I wonder what he would have had to say about Ant-Man, though.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

He probably would have said that ant-man's true vulnerability was his ability to form the opinion that people had injured him, and that his real strength was his virtue.

– August 19, 2014 12:27 PM
Q.

Marcus Aurelius

My philosophy is to work hard now, because I'll have plenty of time to rest once I'm dead.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

INFINITE TIME STRETCHES OUT ON EITHER SIDE OF YOUR BRIEF LIFE.
ALSO FAME IS FLEETING AND NOBODY REMEMBERS [Names of People Marcus Remembers].

Sorry, something about stoicism brings out the yeller in me.

– August 19, 2014 12:28 PM
Q.

Some people are go-getters, and we will never understand their mysterious ways.

"In America, we hurry — which is well; but when the day’s work is done, we go on thinking of losses and gains, we plan for the morrow, we even carry our business cares to bed with us…we burn up our energies with these excitements, and either die early or drop into a lean and mean old age at a time of life which they call a man’s prime in Europe…What a robust people, what a nation of thinkers we might be, if we would only lay ourselves on the shelf occasionally and renew our edges!" Loafing Twain There's more to it, it can wait. Easy does it! It is the thing. Do you do it?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Constantly.

In fact, if I get off the shelf at all, I am so pleased with my accomplishment that I don't do anything whatever the whole rest of the day.

– August 19, 2014 12:29 PM
Q.

More bad name suggestions

Post Its? Postettes? Smart Alexes?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I secretly like all of these and am flattered that we're even coming up with them!

Baconians?

– August 19, 2014 12:30 PM
Q.

Airplane!

I get up as soon as the plane stops because I'm tired of sitting. Also I enjoy hitting my head against the little console.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Actually, on reflection, I think when I've stood up prematurely it is because I imagine I am demonstrating my good faith and seriousness about getting out to the other people on the plane. "See," my standing says, "I am just as intent on getting off this thing as you are, and I'll grab my bag in an orderly manner the second I hit the aisle!"

At least this is how I imagine it.

– August 19, 2014 12:35 PM
Q.

Zounds

My candy brand IDEA! Eat a piece of the sword!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Zounds would also be a good name for a board or card game!

– August 19, 2014 12:35 PM
Q.

Satire

So when I was teaching law, I would tell the students in Torts class that the first and primary rule of Tort law is that people are stupid.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

That's a very safe rule.

And the first rule of Torte law is "mmm, torte. Hey, I'm hungry."

– August 19, 2014 12:36 PM
Q.

Name suggeston

Baconaters. A terminator that eats bacon and discusses in this chat.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

This is like a better-armed Baconian!

– August 19, 2014 12:36 PM
Q.

Baconians

Love this. Both as food product reference and, of course, for Francis Bacon.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Which reminds me, we've been off our bacon-talking game lately!

– August 19, 2014 12:37 PM
Q.

True Trek fans

Bake it so...http://foodreplicator.tumblr.com
A.
Alexandra Petri :

"Bakin"!

– August 19, 2014 12:37 PM
Q.

There are no Millennial heroes

The problem, or benefit, Millenials have is, because there are so many choices for music and entertainment on the Internet that there are few, if any, leaders who have captured a large portion of Millenialls to follow.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

If anything ever happened to Tina Fey... I know she's not one of us, but--

– August 19, 2014 12:38 PM
Q.

We are your devoted...

Petricians. How rich sounding, eh?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

*pelts you with crumpets*

– August 19, 2014 12:38 PM
Q.

Baconians

May as well be Eggs and Crumpets, with an occasional Bean.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I am regretting introducing the food element to a chat that immediately precedes lunch.

– August 19, 2014 12:39 PM
Q.

advertising

For some reason the Post would like me to buy a Wolf stove. I hope they give me money for this..
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Is this a brand of stove (it's probably a brand of stove), a stove that looks like a wolf, or a stove designed for Wolf use?

– August 19, 2014 12:44 PM
Q.

Bands

Zounds were an English anarchist band formed in 1977 from loose jamming sessions around the Reading area. Originally they were part of the cassette culture ...CD culture never took off. A Petrician? Is that a kids doctor?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ha! No, that's a Pedipetrician

– August 19, 2014 12:44 PM
Q.

PUSH THE BUTTON, ALEX

IT'S 11:15.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

This came in at 12:42.

Either you are the worst time traveler ever or your watch has stopped.

– August 19, 2014 12:45 PM
Q.

matriculation

if you taught a writing course at a college, after signing up for it, we'd officially be petriculated.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I think I need to teach one now, just in order to make that joke.

– August 19, 2014 12:45 PM
Q.

our name

Can we just call ourselves Stormtroopers? If anyone can get Disney's and Lucas' permissions, you can.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

You forgot about Hitler's permission.

Let's not.

– August 19, 2014 12:46 PM
Q.

stove..

It may be raised by wolves.. and not cheaply..
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Wolves are known to spoil those they raise.

– August 19, 2014 12:46 PM
Q.

The biofilm

I think that would be the appropriate name. Or we could be the lawn ornaments on the bacterial lawn in the petri dish.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

There's always "Petritus," which, but for the grace of my roommate, is what my column would have been called back in college.

– August 19, 2014 12:47 PM
Q.

pee triers

Because everybody pees and the theme today says, try!!!!!!!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

SEVEN EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!

– August 19, 2014 12:52 PM
Q.

It was 11:15 when I hit send.

Don't know whether it's your site or mine.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

That was back when we were having technical difficulties, a lifetime ago!

Actually, I should probably skedaddle soon! How are we determining names? I guess I can do the Owen Glendower thing where I call for you and see if you answer to it!

– August 19, 2014 12:53 PM
Q.

More bad news

Petridactyls AlexOnePetrobies AexanDrama Queens (might not go well on male leather jackets)
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Petridactyls is adorable-sounding though!

– August 19, 2014 12:53 PM
Q.

"Bakin"!

It's bakin or fakin. That's the general sway (supreme rule). There's more to it. No time to stop it. We need more IT people. Sorry hamsters!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I'm confused, I think!

– August 19, 2014 12:55 PM
Q.

Triers again

If at first you don't succeed, Petri Petri again. (I don't even know what that means,)
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Neither do I! I guess I could come in again!

– August 19, 2014 12:56 PM
Q.

names for us

Any favorite Shakespearean characters you can think of to name us? Hamlet's Angels might egg us on to further greatness. I always liked Macbeth and his ambitious wife, but they faced a bad ending.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Hmm, I was just rereading Much Ado and apparently there's this wife of Leonato's named Innogen or something, who was in one or two editions and some scholars think she's supposed to be a Silent Presence through the whole play, which shows what some scholars know, but could also be hilarious. Uh.

Banquo's Ghost?

– August 19, 2014 12:57 PM
Q.

What do you call

What do you call a hippy’s wife? Mississippi. http://philsantamaria.com/stay-positive/the-25-best-what-do-you-call-jokes/
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ho ho ho

 

– August 19, 2014 12:57 PM
Q.

baconians et al

Please, no. Some of us (well, me) don't like bacon. (begs for forgiveness)
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Right, I forgot!

Lots of good options! I don't care what I get to call you folks as long as you come!

– August 19, 2014 12:58 PM
Q.

Fried Petris

I like Petrifried Wood. We could pick a cool name, like the Evening Petrified, or the Morning…oops, never mind.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Right, and on that note, have a great week!

Keep reading the Compost, and feel free but unobliged to join me on Twitter!

– August 19, 2014 12:59 PM
Q.

 

A.
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