ComPost Live with Alexandra Petri

Feb 25, 2014

Join us next Tuesday to laugh, cry, and dish about the moments that amused you, shocked you, or caused you to yell things that frightened the other people on the subway.

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Connect on Twitter: @PostLive | @petridishes

Happy Tuesday, everyone! Let's get on a roll, as one butter pat said to another.

Also, the Oscars are this weekend! How many movies have you seen?

Rolling Rock.

Ha, nice!

I'm trying to think of which one Tantalus would drink, but there's no low-hanging fruit.

We al know wich one Stanley Kowalski drinks, though.

I read the story about a woman who threw a duck at a man. I wonder: when she threw it, did any one yell "watch out?"Or anything else?

I want a link to this story!

I also want another follow-up story where a woman throws two ducks and a goose at the same man.

I agree that the bear was pretty creepy, mostly because of the very odd side to side eye movements. But for some reason, I found the bunny to be much worse. Possibly because it was also cross country skiing and you shouldn't have the energy to do creepy eye movements after more than 5 minutes of cross country skiing. Probably because, hey, it was a bunny. Also, I figure that when the Russian Bear that is used in the "hey we are back and better than ever - except for that water you can't get near your face" olympics is a teddy bear and oddly similar to a care bear without a picture on its tummy, the bear gets a pass. But the bunny was very, very creepy.

You make a fair case. Here's a link to said bunny, for comparison purposes.

This actually makes me think: there is a rich and storied history of rabbits being used to creep people out. The easter rabbit (unintentional). Frank in Donnie Darko. That boiled rabbit in Fatal Attraction. The March Hare and the White Lateness Rabbit in Lewis Carroll. And I'm sure there are plenty of additional alarming rabbits (the Long Patrol and the Watership Down guys get a pass) that I'm forgetting. Jessica Rabbit, the subject of alarming fantasies for thousands.

Are you looking forward to Taco Bell's new breakfast menu? I am just for sense of adventure. Instead of skydiving, I'll try a waffle taco instead. I wonder if anyone offer breakfast sushi.

Yes, I am counting down the days! This sounds like an ideal alternative to skydiving!

What would you yell if someone threw four ducks? On a golf course?

"Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!"

No, I kid, I'm picking up what you're putting down.

Chris Cilizza as The Fix on Twitter has the link to the duck throwing story. This may create an interesting political dynamic. What if one political party has a distinct advantage in ducks over the other party? This could drown the other party.

Ah, here we are.

"Anaconda woman accused of assault with duck."

My favorite part of this story is the fact that it all takes place in Anaconda, which makes everyone involved sound about ten times as epic, being referred to as Anaconda Woman and Anaconda Man and Anaconda Police Chief. This sounds like a domestic dispute in Nightvale.

Don't forget rabbit clowns. Also, Netflix rabbits that gnaw through your net neutrality.

Silly Rabbit, tricks are for kids!

Aaah, there's another one.

Don't forget the rabbit with the broken leg being served up in "Local Hero." "See, it was clean break."

Oh, I've never seen that! I should!

I always was wary of the killer rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Or maybe Sir Robin and the other knights were just so weak they couldn't defeat a rabbit in combat. No wonder King Arthur couldn't find the Holy Grail.

That rabbit was terrifying!

Great scott, they're multiplying like -- like --

You certainly should. If only to see Peter Capaldi as a Scotsman who's a super-linguist, speaks a dozen languages fluently, but doesn't speak Gaelic.

Ha!

 

Dingell. Boehner. Weiner. Having a name teenage boys don't laugh at should be a requirement for service.

Then again, it's amazing what teenage boys can laugh at. I'm sure there's a Fillmore joke to be made somewhere.

Bunnicula is the scarest rabbit - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunnicula It's a book series about a vampire bunny that sucks the juice out of vegetables

Oh, I remember Bunnicula. I was sufficiently alarmed by the cover never to open it, one case of judging-books-by-the-cover that actually seems to have worked out all right for all concerned.

Oh, no, Moviefone's life line has been disconnected and no longer rings in this world. Now we'll have to search for movie listings on the Internet like every one else. Someone told me once that movie listings used to be in something called newspapers, but I believe that is a myth.

Next someone will tell you that people used to print strange hand-drawn pictures and words on two pages of a newspaper every day, each telling a joke or story with familiar, sometimes animal characters! One of them was about a retired lady who liked to meddle, and one was about an Arthurian prince with a complicated family life, and one was a viking whose wife viewed pillaging expeditions as shopping trips. This happened for years and no one thought it was weird!

There's always Fandango.

But Jessica wasn't a rabbit, just married to one. That's the problem with taking a husband's name -- you tend to suprise people when they meet you face to face. "You're Nancy Chu...but you're a red head from Utah?" (I've got few friends in those situations.)

Durn patriarchy! Always making us mistake sexy cartoon ladies for rabbits!

I get why Fiver and Hazel and Bigwig and the rest of our heroes get a pass, but the facist bunnies from the mean warren and the ones who let themselves be killed in exchange for a few carrots? They were bad bunnies.

Bad, but not creepy, and there turns out to be such a rich mine of creepy rabbits that we can afford to split hares here.

jimmy carter was attacked by a rabbit

OH GOSH YES I FORGOT THE SWIMMING ATTACK RABBIT

This is incredible. They're covering the entire island!

Folks, rabbits are the new bacon. (Not in a soylent green way, though.)

Kevin Hearne's entertaining "Iron Druid" series of novels and short stories includes one that posits the Holy Grail legend as originating with Dagda's cauldron in Irish folklore -- a cup that always had enough food in it to feed everybody around.

I don't know how we got here, but that's good to know!

This reminds me: have you seen the Unified Pixar Theory? It's obviously a stretch, but a fun way to see how a mythology can be cleverly strung together out of easter eggs and coincidences.

to laugh at "Fillmore". However, they would go to town on a kid named "Millard". Just saying.

Rutherford? But I barely know her!

Not that I believe in changing one's name on marriage, but the more redheaded Chus from Utah there are, the sooner people will stop making assumptions (and I refer you to the recent WashPost story on the Bamboo Ceiling).

That's a good point too. It's a fascinating story!

Now that Piers is on the way out, might you replace him? Your other teammates appear on TV all the time. You can juggle an evening show and do your columns and live chat - you can blog late night during cable show infomercial hours like most people do.

Hey, I'd do it! I do think that could be fun someday, but right now all I do at night is type frantically on my book. I am starting to resemble Gollum. The fact that I am subsisting entirely on single-serving tubs of hummus and all the fish I can catch with my bare hands probably does not help with this. I have basically the same writing schedule that Gertrude Stein had, except she got to sleep in until noon, and even then you can tell the strain was telling on her. "As to be all of it as to be a wife as a wife has a cow, a love story, all of it as to be all of it as a wife all of it as to be as a wife has a cow a love story, all of it to be as a wife has a cow as a wife has a cow a love story. Has made, as it has made as it has made" -- GO TO BED GERTRUDE, YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE.*

*Yes I know it's symbolism.

Is just me, or is the entire Northeast seeing "Igloo" this week?

I don't understand why it's still snowing! I wrote a column about it! Don't actual events respond when you write columns about them?

Why not? If there's one thing Michael Moore taught me (and it might be the only thing...) in "Roger & Me" it's that rabbits = pets or meat -- your choice.

And given their track record...

... is the same as the Wheedonverse theory or the Tarantino-verse theory, etc. -- i.e. just an excuse for fanboys and -girls to overanalyze their pop culture touchstones to prove that their obsession is cooler than your obsession. It's funny how nobody ever claimed there was a Shakespeare-verse or a Chaucer-verse -- but I guess there wasn't an internet then, either....

People did claim that Shakespeare was the Invention of the Human, though.

I don't know, I've seen convincing claims that every separate Chaucer plotline is just another story that a group of strangers are telling each other to pass the time on a long road trip. There are hints in the text!

What was the popular but not overly famous children's book(NOT "Watership Down") from the 196s about the adventures of a rabbit where the rabbit does peacefully in the end? It may have won one of those children's book awards? Anyone remember?

Jonathan Livingston Rabbit?

Well, this viral video has to be included in any conversation about creepy rabbits: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2561888/When-rabbits-attack-Woman-flees-bunny-stampede-Japans-Rabbit-Island.html

Cute stampede, though!

Particularly the part where the book agent asks the author to rewrite her novel about the struggles of a Chinese-American in a U.S. law firm -- to make the main character white. Made me want to beat my head against the wall.

Seriously. Seriously.

I don't care how many chatters abandon you for Weingarten at 12:01, I'm staying here.

To be fair, he is finally getting to discuss pubes, which might be a landmark, historical chat, so if you open him in the next window I wouldn't judge.

The Velveteen Rabbit. Which is much older than the 1960s, I believe, though not older than the 196s.

I was wondering if that were the one. He's definitely a Real Rabbit.

this is why sneering is overrated. Overanalyzing pop culture that results in hilarity like the Unified Pixar Theory is thoroughly justified.

Who gave sneering a good rating in the first place? That person sounds terrible.

a. I don't think "the rabbit dies" means what it meant in the sixties, in this instance. b. The Velveteen Rabbit?

Seem to be building some rabbit consensus here.

Worst Name for a Rock Band, ever.

This may be true.

My mother (born in 1906) told me that during the Depression, people selling rabbits had to leave the tails on, because otherwise people without scruples would actually sell cats instead. (Obviously, these animals were skinned and ready for the stewpot.)

What did they do with the feet?

So there. Nyah.

I too could talk on, oblivious to the feelings and concerns of those around me, with the best of them! (That's what Rex does, right? He hasn't been in the daily paper in a while.)

What about Little Bunny Foo Foo? http://www.scoutsongs.com/lyrics/little-bunny-foo-foo.html Does no one care about the poor field mice??

Where's Squirrel Bopper?

No, it was not "The Velveteen Rabbit." although I was have made a similar guess. I once tracked down some of my favorite childhood books but I am stumped on this one. It was about the life of a rabbit as a main character. I read it in the 1960s as a child which was before "Watership Down" was even published. Yet it could have been published decades before the 1960s. Maybe it did not win awards and is an obscure book. I remember our teacher encouraging us to read award winning books and I thought it may have been one of those. I am beginning to think it is not as I have gone through award winner and can't find it amongst those. If I ever discover what the book is, I will let you know (not or course, that anyone really would care, but...)

And it wasn't Redwall-related, right? No time traveler from the future handed you a copy of Long Patrol instead of killing Hitler?

it was duck season. Now it's rabbit season (with no John Updike references). Do we end in Elmer season?

I think we end in a weird ambiguous duck-rabbit hallucination where our brain doesn't know which of the two to tell us the chat is.

You ever hear of a lucky rabbit's foot? Guess where a lucky rabbit's foot came from?

That's what I was getting at!

Unlucky rabbits are always the source of the luckiest feet.

Will this replace the turducken?

Nothing can replace the turducken but, after a thousand years, another turducken. It's the phoenix of cookery.

My little tiny kids went to a weekly music class. The teacher changed "bopping them on the heads" to "tickling them on their tummies." I was appalled.

WHAT?

THIS IS A TRAVESTY OF EVERYTHING WE KNOW AND HOLD SACRED!

So, if we're determining if it is duck season or rabbit season, the only appropriate sign off would be, “Thats all, folks!” Not that I wish to hasten the end of this chat....

That's all folks!

But seriously, it's time for me to scoot!

Have a great week, enjoy duck season, avoid rabbits, feel free to join me on Twitter, and keep reading the Compost!

In This Chat
Alexandra Petri
Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost, a lighter take on the news and issues of the day, and she contributes to the Post editorial page. Her work has appeared in venues such as The Huffington Post, The Week, Newsweek.com, Businessweek.com, Collegehumor, and The Harvard Crimson. She has appeared on Jeopardy!, Showbiz Tonight and Canadian radio, and she has performed at Boston's Comedy Studio and Comedy Connection. She would love to be on your TV show, radio show, Daily Show, HBO special, or to be an honored guest (or regular guest) at your Bar Mitzvah. She is the author of two books (unpublished, but contact her!), two screenplays, three plays, one musical, and one memoir (Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast.)
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