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April 9, 2013

10:58
A.M.

ComPost Live with Alexandra Petri

Total Responses: 45

About the hosts

About the host

Alexandra Petri

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost, a lighter take on the news and issues of the day, and she contributes to the Post editorial page. Her work has appeared in venues such as The Huffington Post, The Week, Newsweek.com, Businessweek.com, Collegehumor, and The Harvard Crimson. She has appeared on Jeopardy!, Showbiz Tonight and Canadian radio, and she has performed at Boston's Comedy Studio and Comedy Connection. She would love to be on your TV show, radio show, Daily Show, HBO special, or to be an honored guest (or regular guest) at your Bar Mitzvah. She is the author of two books (unpublished, but contact her!), two screenplays, three plays, one musical, and one memoir (Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast.)

About the topic

Join us next Tuesday to laugh, cry, and dish about the moments that amused you, shocked you, or caused you to yell things that frightened the other people on the subway.

Past ComPost Live Chats

Connect on Twitter: @PostLive | @petridishes
Q.

Alexandra Petri :

Hello, all! How's squirrel week treating you? I remember this time last year we were up against a chat about squirrel vocalizations. 

Also, spring! 

Q.

Gardening?

If this is not about composting then why is it called "ComPost"?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Just print out a few pages and festoon them around your tulips and tell me it doesn't encourage them.

– April 09, 2013 11:02 AM
Q.

Political compromise in Va.

I believe I have a political compromise that will work politically in Virginia: Gays can marry in Virginia, but they can't have sex.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

And this will be a good way to get on track to ban all forms of sex, which is really what the people of The Great State of Virginia require, never mind that slogan.

I think I can see the AG approving of this position.

– April 09, 2013 11:07 AM
Q.

Squirrel week

I think one should attempt to communicate with squirrels. Although the last time I was in a park mimicking squirrel sounds and attempting to wave my tail in communications with their tails, park security took me away.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

See, what you need is a government grant. 

– April 09, 2013 11:08 AM
Q.

Matchmaker?

Gene Weingarten tried matchmaking in last weekend's Date Lab. How do you think you would do in the same field?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

SO WELL! 

I've accidentally set up four of my friends since arriving in DC, and I am confident that I can work the same accidental magic on the general populace! 

I think Gene's criteria would have made a grand match if they had to get off a boat and be wed instantly, but the qualities he identified might not necessarily be what kindles a first-date spark.

– April 09, 2013 11:14 AM
Q.

Alexandra Petri :

Q.

Squirrel Week

Sounds more ominous to me than shark week. I still don't understand why squirrels need protection. It seems that we have more of them than we need, and that the ones in my neighborhood carry a surfeit of avoirdupois.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I greatly appreciate the image of the squirrels with a "surfeit of avoirdupois" bumbling around your neighborhood. Are we talking Chris Christie-level squirrel or William Howard Taft-level?

– April 09, 2013 11:20 AM
Q.

Just one week for squirrels.

Dave Barry wages an unrelenting war against squirrels on his blog. One week seems inadequate as a response.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Squirrels and lawn grass are two species that seem to have been the unintentional beneficiaries of the human takeover of the planet. I mean, grass. Who would have expected? Also, bulldogs are doing much better than anyone would have anticipated, given the way they're constructed -- although since we did that to them, they might not count. 

– April 09, 2013 11:22 AM
Q.

Which was the bigger story yesterday?

Nobody was talking about Thatcher. But Annette....
A.
Alexandra Petri :

It was funny to watch the conversation pivot suddenly. I mean, priorities must be maintained.

– April 09, 2013 11:23 AM
Q.

Squirrel Dearth

I have a friend who had never seen a squirrel until she was in her 30s and moved to California. From Adelaide.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Goodness!

– April 09, 2013 11:23 AM
Q.

MATCHMAKER

Would you please find a date for me? I am a nerd who loves Star Wars, humor, and communicating with squirrels in the park.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I think I found your soulmate.

– April 09, 2013 11:25 AM
Q.

Chris Christie...

but lots and lots of him. Mostly in my yard. How many Christies equal a Taft?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I'm going to open this up to the group...

– April 09, 2013 11:26 AM
Q.

nowthatcherisdead

Watching this hashtag get misread was the highlight of my day yesterday.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

That was indeed a highlight. Cowards die many times before their deaths, or people on Twitter whose names can be misinterpreted in hashtags.

 

– April 09, 2013 11:31 AM
Q.

Some obscure state marketing office

OK, I have the new slogan" "Virginia is for Lovers, Just Not THAT Kind of Love."
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Virginia would do anything for lovers, but they won't do THAT. 

– April 09, 2013 11:31 AM
Q.

Squark Week

If squirrels ever figure out how to interbeed with sharks.... The consequences are unimaginable. Wait. SNL. Land sharks. I guess someone imagined them.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

But did they envisage the dread WATERSQUIRREL?

– April 09, 2013 11:32 AM
Q.

I take it back

According to this (http://www.nationalledger.com/politics-crime/how-much-does-chris-christie-weigh-939721.shtml#.UWQznjf4KSo) Chris weighs as much as Taft did.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I guess bathtubs across America are just larger now so we don't notice.

– April 09, 2013 11:32 AM
Q.

Original avoirdupois

Hey! That other person answered before I did. I would actually have said more Mike Huckabee-level: Would be cute if he lost the weight and could probably do it. Chris Christie-level, to me, means that the weight is the first thing you notice about him. Taft-level, to me, means that the weight is the ONLY thing you notice about him, even if he is helping an old lady across the street or is perched on a Scrooge McDuck-like pile of double eagle coins.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

This is accurate. 

– April 09, 2013 11:34 AM
Q.

Mad Men

I believe the reason so many people like "Mad Men" is we all wish we could have jobs where we can just sit around all day and think while drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and having affairs with co-workers and people we interview. Sadly, the days of advertising being like that are gone, and the only profession where one can still do that is journalism.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

What is advertising like these days? I always think it's changed and grown demure, and then the Super Bowl comes around and it seems like everyone's on some substance I didn't know you could ingest without dying. 

– April 09, 2013 11:38 AM
Q.

If that's the case...

"I believe the reason so many people like "Mad Men" is we all wish we could have jobs where we can just sit around all day and think while drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and having affairs with co-workers and people we interview." In that case, what explains the appeal of "The Walking Dead"? Or "Girls"?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

1) Zombies

2) Schadenfreude

– April 09, 2013 11:43 AM
Q.

Taft-level, to me, means that the weight is the ONLY thing you notice about him

What? No way. The first thing you notice about him is that mustache. (As the late great Barbara Holland said in her hilarious "Hail To The Chiefs," people mix up Taft with Cleveland, which is ridiculous. Cleveland looked like a walrus, Taft like a water buffalo.")
A.
Alexandra Petri :

He does look like a water buffalo! Although I think Teddy looked as much like one as he did. 

– April 09, 2013 11:44 AM
Q.

Meatloaf update

We are all anxiously waiting: Was your meatloaf still good, or did you finally throw it away without trying some more, or is it still in your refrigerator reaching that point where maybe you shouldn't see if it was what made you sick....
A.
Alexandra Petri :

So, I doggedly ate my way through about half of it just to get my money's worth, and my stomach grumbled but took it. Then I threw it away. 

– April 09, 2013 11:45 AM
Q.

Maryland Medical Marijuana

Looks like I won't have to move to South Park after all!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Mazel tov!

– April 09, 2013 11:46 AM
Q.

Still, I rated the date 4 out of 5

I tried dating Jedi squirrel, but it was really hard getting seated into restaurants. Do you have any other dating suggestions?
A.
Alexandra Petri :
– April 09, 2013 11:47 AM
Q.

At least Chris can stay awake in meetings

Even if, like Taft, he has sleep apnea from his avoirdupois, there are devices available today to keep him from suffering too badly from apnea. But judging by Chris's activities and demeanor, he doesn't have apnea. Yet.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

So basically what we meant to ask was: squirrel person, did they look like water buffalo with sleep apnea?

– April 09, 2013 11:48 AM
Q.

Although I think Teddy looked as much like one as he did.

Yes, but with Teddy there were so many other things about him to notice as soon as you looked at him. Like those teeth. And what he was saying. Because he was always saying something.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Speaking of which, how do we feel about the new Teddy-Taft racing? And apparently they'll be joined by Selina Meyer of Veep fame?

– April 09, 2013 11:50 AM
Q.

Then I threw it away.

Your stomach or the meatloaf?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Both?

– April 09, 2013 11:51 AM
Q.

Purple prose

If President Obama refers to a female politician as "easy on the eyes," might he really mean that she is good at connecting with independent voters?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Or a talented oculist! 

But, see, this is the kind of backbending spin that is generally frowned upon.

– April 09, 2013 11:53 AM
Q.

The secret to fantastic meatloaf

I fear I already mentioned this, but in case I did not, let me tell you a meatloaf making secret: Wrap bacon around it.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Frank N. Furter already shared that tip!

– April 09, 2013 11:54 AM
Q.

Squirrel hostility

I never gave squirrels much thought--certainly did not try to mow them down when they ran across the road in front of me. Then they invaded my elderly parents' house--moving from the attic down through the walls to erupt from a hole they made in the kitchen wall. They sprang forth directly underneath the table in the breakfast nook. There ensued a chase with a broom that sent the squirrels scrambling over the draperies (which they pulled down) and furniture until they were finally shooed out the front door. None of us had much good to say about squirrels after that.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Oh no! That does not sound optimal!

This reminds me, where's Squirrel Bopper this week?

– April 09, 2013 11:55 AM
Q.

Racing Vice Presidents

Why don't the Nationals ever have racing Vice Presidents?: Nelson Rockefeller versus Hannibal Hamlin versus Dick Cheney versus Joe Biden should draw in lots more fans.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

And don't forget Andrew Johnson and Gerald Ford!

– April 09, 2013 11:55 AM
Q.

Matchmaker

OOOoooo. Is that a boy nerd or a girl nerd? Forget I asked. I'm a nerd too. I can't afford to be fussy.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

As long as you're not a squirrel.

– April 09, 2013 11:57 AM
Q.

Frank N Furter

Are we still allowed to dance the "Time Warp" in Virginia?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

This was never permitted.

– April 09, 2013 11:59 AM
Q.

Bopper ~ I Am Here

I asked about the squark. :)
A.
Alexandra Petri :

SQUARK! 

of course!

– April 09, 2013 12:00 PM
Q.

In the News: Margaret Thatcher Annette Funicello Chelsea Clinton North Korea J.C. Penney

Currently at the top of the page under the masthead. I would like to see the algorithm that decides the priority of listing. Why does Penney get the coveted And Also Starring last credit?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Hey, I'm surprised enough that Margaret Thatcher is preceding Annette. 

– April 09, 2013 12:02 PM
Q.

Obama Compliment

If Obama were praising you in a speech, what awkward feature of your would he compliment?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Probably my meatloaf-making skills. 

– April 09, 2013 12:02 PM
Q.

New Date

This won't make sense unless you know I have a cat as my profile photo: Your new dating suggestion is a match!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Calloo callay!

– April 09, 2013 12:02 PM
Q.

Nerds

I am a boy nerd, the one going out on dates with the the jedi squirrel and jedi cat. Sadly, those have been my two best dates in my life. Well, the only dates in my life, I was going to say we need a place for nerds to meet, and then I remembered, I have my tickets to Comic Con!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Perfect! 

Speaking of nerd gatherings, although not really, I'm 
already excited for the International Whistling Convention next week. Whom do we think is drawn to international whistling? Actual talented musicians? People who aren't musical, but love to whistle? Or just good-natured random aspirants? Either way? I'm hoping to place 43rd or higher! 

– April 09, 2013 12:07 PM
Q.

Frank N Furter

Wow, he's a brilliant scientist and he knows about bacon? I should consider studying with him. Think about what he might do with me in just seven days.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

(six long nights)

– April 09, 2013 12:07 PM
Q.

Kathleen Kane

Barack, dude, Kathleen Kane, Attorney General of Pennsylvania, is way hotter.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

People keep saying this. I'm not sure these are waters into which he wants to wade any deeper.

– April 09, 2013 12:10 PM
Q.

Is your mother whistler's mother?

Are you entered in the whistling contest? Maybe we form a cheerleading squad for you? What should we cheer?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

"Don't crack up! Don't crack up!" "Whistle better!" Er. Maybe hold the cheering squad.

– April 09, 2013 12:15 PM
Q.

International Whistling Convention?

Aaaaah, my ears! Stop whistling in the grocery stores!!!!!!!!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Apologies. They say that whistling is always infinitely more pleasant for the person doing it than the person on the receiving end.

– April 09, 2013 12:15 PM
Q.

I

Did you hear the IRS may monitor your Facebook and other social media accounts, use to verify that the business deduction is not pictured as a non-business item. So, no more using your filing cabinet for storing your alcohol and for use as a squirrel haven..
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Dang it! 

But in theory, that's work-related. This chat is work-related. Right? 

– April 09, 2013 12:21 PM
Q.

Whistling

I had an intern who was reprimanded by our boss for whistling too loudly, Sigh, some people don't appreciate the arts.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Send that intern to North Carolina for the contest! Tis not too late to seek a newer world!

– April 09, 2013 12:21 PM
Q.

Matchmaker

Was it you who arranged the date between Taylor Swift and Jedi Squirrel? I can't wait to hear what song emerges from that.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I will download that single! 

Taylor Swift, Single, releases Taylor Swift Single, as they say

– April 09, 2013 12:23 PM
Q.

I had an intern who was reprimanded by our boss for whistling too loudly

My uncle, like the rest of my Irish family that whistles like it breathes, was told by his secretary when he was promoted to executive ranks, that it was time for him to stop whistling and dancing in the hallway.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Aw, heavy lies the head that wears the executive rank, I guess.

– April 09, 2013 12:26 PM
Q.

Whistling Versus Punning

What would be the least useful category to be the World Champion in?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I don't know, but that's my life dream.

– April 09, 2013 12:27 PM
Q.

Skittles

So I bought a bag for the first time in a while and they changed the lime to a nasty green apple. This is a failure on par with changing JC Penny into a no sale zone. What is happening to America?!?
A.
Alexandra Petri :
– April 09, 2013 12:28 PM
Q.

 

A.
Host: