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March 5, 2013

11:02
A.M.

ComPost Live with Alexandra Petri

Total Responses: 48

About the hosts

About the host

Alexandra Petri

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost, a lighter take on the news and issues of the day, and she contributes to the Post editorial page. Her work has appeared in venues such as The Huffington Post, The Week, Newsweek.com, Businessweek.com, Collegehumor, and The Harvard Crimson. She has appeared on Jeopardy!, Showbiz Tonight and Canadian radio, and she has performed at Boston's Comedy Studio and Comedy Connection. She would love to be on your TV show, radio show, Daily Show, HBO special, or to be an honored guest (or regular guest) at your Bar Mitzvah. She is the author of two books (unpublished, but contact her!), two screenplays, three plays, one musical, and one memoir (Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast.)

About the topic

Join us next Tuesday to laugh, cry, and dish about the moments that amused you, shocked you, or caused you to yell things that frightened the other people on the subway.

Past ComPost Live Chats

Connect on Twitter: @PostLive | @petridishes
Q.

Alexandra Petri :

Are your hatches battened, everyone?

Let's rumble!

Also, I have a question about Yankee Doodle Dandy:

Who's got the feather in his cap? The rider, or the pony?

Q.

I've finally mastered Gangnam style

Will someone please look at me?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

What happens to a meme deferred?

Does it dry up like a Rickroll in the sun?

– March 05, 2013 11:05 AM
Q.

Are these suits suitable for the workplace?

I was going to ask why you have two Jabba the Hut suits but then I realized I have two Chewbacca suits in case someone spills something on one of them.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Well, precisely! One for work, one for christenings!

– March 05, 2013 11:06 AM
Q.

A macaroni

A macaroni is a Yankee foolish enough to believe that a feather in the cap makes him a man of fashion.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Yes, I knew that, (if only because during the argument I had on the subject yesterday afternoon I Googled it).

I always thought it was the gent on the pony who had the feather in his cap, but then you might expect a "called himself" rather than a "called him"...

– March 05, 2013 11:10 AM
Q.

Dennis Rodman

What was that all about?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

This is one of those age-old imponderable questions that I hope not to get from my children until they are old enough that my running off shrieking and abandoning them forever rather than answering will not be fatal to them.

– March 05, 2013 11:11 AM
Q.

Since horses don't wear caps

the feather went into Yankee Doodle's hat.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

That's what I thought!

– March 05, 2013 11:12 AM
Q.

Who's got the feather in his cap?

The rider, of course. Where do ponies wear caps? Also, "the Macaronis" were a bunch of very flashily dressed guys who wore very fancy hats with lots of decoration, like feathers.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

It seems as though we have a consensus!

I'll tell my interlocutor that he was wrong!

– March 05, 2013 11:12 AM
Q.

Our Fore Feathers

The mystery is what has kept this song alive and vital all of these years. After Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, and similar productions, I'm waiting for "Macaroni ~ The Movie" to come out Any Day Now.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

A wave of popular entertainments based on vintage patriotic songs! Now that's a phase I'm looking forward to. "Battle Cry of Freedom" actually wouldn't be a bad title...

I assume the Macaroni will be some sort of zombie hunter, and that thousands will slink away disappointed from the theater upon discovering that there is no cheese appearing in this film.

– March 05, 2013 11:17 AM
Q.

he "called it macaroni"

not called him macaroni, right?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Right! Oops!

– March 05, 2013 11:21 AM
Q.

Ignudi

There are 20 male nudes called "The Ignudi" in the Sistine Chapel to distract the cardinals while picking the new pope. I think the only female nude is Eve. Something for you feminists to contemplate.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I'm sure we'll all have to contemplate it if Eve decides to run for office.

– March 05, 2013 11:22 AM
Q.

If women had the choice to have b**bs, would they take it?

Seems like they get in the way a lot. On the other hand, Wonder Woman was an Amazon princess and elected to keep 'em.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

She was also a female comic book character, so her decision/proportions may or may not bear any resemblance to Actual Women Who Exist.

– March 05, 2013 11:26 AM
Q.

"no cheese appearing in this film."

There must be cheese! Monty Python OWNS "no cheese where cheese is expected."
A.
Alexandra Petri :

What a senseless waste of human life!

(mumbles something about Sir Cheese Not Appearing in this Film)

 

– March 05, 2013 11:29 AM
Q.

'he "called it macaroni"'

But he stuck a feather in HIS cap. So he must've called the cap "Macaroni." Suddenly, I feel like I'm in a biblical discussion. Or talking about "The Giving Tree."
A.
Alexandra Petri :

So you think "it" is the cap? I suppose "it" could also be the style of cap-wearing...

But we have an accord: It is not the horse.

– March 05, 2013 11:30 AM
Q.

So, Nas at the Kennedy Center...

How many tickets can I put you down for? (is that sentence even rempotely grammatically correct...?)
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Depends! How many sodiums exactly?

– March 05, 2013 11:31 AM
Q.

age-old imponderable questions

I think we have a pop culture answer for that!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Thanks to the recent news from the Vatican, every time I see "pop" in a phrase, I surreptitiously replace it with "Pope." So far, "pope tart" is my favorite result, but "pope culture" isn't bad either.

– March 05, 2013 11:32 AM
Q.

Yankee Doodle

called *IT* macaroni (i.e., stylish), not called *him* macaroni. You're welcome.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

We have an accord!

As a mildly disappointed new car winner might say.

– March 05, 2013 11:34 AM
Q.

TGI Fridays is running a Metro campaign on a platform of "No Cheese"

I had not associated them with cheese previously.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I don't understand why you would ever advertise an absence of cheese. I have never felt more strongly that I was not someone's target demographic. Well, with the possible exception of that Christine O'Donnell "I'm You" ad.

– March 05, 2013 11:35 AM
Q.

Well, now that you ask...

It's been quite a while since I've had my hatches battened. Thank you, I'll be here all week. Literally, if this snow thing is for realz.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

GREAT SCOTT! IT'S BEGINNING!

I love being in DC during the lead up to snowstorms, because while Boston, say, during that massive blizzard, shrugged and closed the streets, DC does a commendable impression of a recently beheaded chicken and everyone starts to make loud lamentations over their bottled waters as the first flakes fall and melt instantly on contact.

– March 05, 2013 11:39 AM
Q.

Google confirms this

According to my computer, if one searches for google images of "ponies wearing caps", there are none.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I couldn't believe it, but my search was no more fruitful! I did find these little guys in sweaters, but that was as far as it went.

– March 05, 2013 11:43 AM
Q.

Another search

After searching for the lack of "ponies wearing caps", of course, one can then amuse any self by searching for "cats wearing caps".
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I don't know if it was unintentional, like my "him/it" slip earlier, but I like the phrase "one can then amuse any self"... ("Even Hyde will be into THESE pics!")

– March 05, 2013 11:44 AM
Q.

If women had the choice to have b**bs, would they take it?

I would vote NO. As far as I am concerned, they don't serve any useful purpose. Maybe they should be triggered by pregnancy, so if you are going to be a mother, they'll swell up; if not, they'll remain dormant.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I recently wound up in one of those strange corners of the Internet that gravity sifts you towards eventually, and someone was suggesting it would be fun to wake up in the morning and decide what secondary sexual characteristics you were going to put on, along with clothes and everything else. "Meh," one could say, "not today. I have to go jogging later."

– March 05, 2013 11:47 AM
Q.

Am I a bad person?

Whenever I see the Budweiser Clydesdale commercial with the Fleetwood Mac song, I find myself wanting a new ending in which the trainer is reunited with the horse at a French restaurant, with the horse being on a plate.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

My request is simpler than yours. I just want an IKEA commercial to come on right afterwards.

– March 05, 2013 11:48 AM
Q.

The original pope tart

Madonna
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Heyo!

– March 05, 2013 11:49 AM
Q.

Pope Tart

I think Pope Tart would be a great name and idea for a steamy romance novel about a woman who goes to Rome and changes the church forever!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

So, Madonna?

– March 05, 2013 11:49 AM
Q.

I'm with Wallace of Wallace and Gromit

Wallace: Won't you come in? We were just about to have some cheese. Wendolene: Oh no, not cheese. Sorry. Brings me out in a rash. Can't stand the stuff. Wallace: [gulp] Not even Wensleydale?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ha!

Concurred!

The cheese stands alone.

– March 05, 2013 11:50 AM
Q.

Bacon

There is a restaurant in Harrisburg, Pa. that once a week offers "free bacon" from 4 to 6 pm If only there were people who liked bacon....
A.
Alexandra Petri :

WHAAAAT?
Hold the phones!

Actually, the expression "hold the phones" -- that's getting into "selling like hotcakes" territory. What's the modern equivalent?

– March 05, 2013 11:52 AM
Q.

What Do You Think

of the WaPo referring to the upcoming possible storm as "snowquester?" Do they think Congress will sit around and do nothing to prevent the snow until the last possible moment, or will they allow it to come no matter how bad it is for the area?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Why change now? It's a tested approach. Some are already claiming that the snow was the President's idea. And Secretary Napolitano is already blaming the snow for massive delays at airports...

Er. Wait.

– March 05, 2013 11:55 AM
Q.

"NO CHEESE"

TGIFriday's puts cheese on everything. Chicken, steak, fish, potatoes, everything. I once walked in there and got three ounces of gorgonzola crumbled on my head.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Hahahahaha

+10, for the image!

– March 05, 2013 11:55 AM
Q.

The Real News.

Why is The Post being scooped by a British paper on this story? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9907607/Bird-of-pray.html
A.
Alexandra Petri :

It's a shame, but our Houses That Look Like Things department was the first to fall victim to personnel cuts.

That is one sassy chicken.

– March 05, 2013 11:58 AM
Q.

DC snowstorms are awesome

I remember many years ago as an college intern (fresh from Maine) I was rather confused when the non-profit I was working at announced we were closing early because some snow had started. When I asked my supervisor why we were leaving early for flurries, she grabbed my arms and almost shock me, while in a panicked voice she almost sobbed, "We may never make it back to Virginia." The panic was amazing to behold, but I managed to score some free tickets to a concert at the Kennedy Center that night from a co-worker who was desperately afraid of traveling in the snow.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

That is so classic DC.

There's an old joke that says if snow is expected to fall in DC, you close early. If it's expected to actually hit the ground...

– March 05, 2013 12:01 PM
Q.

Pope Tart ca. 1491

Wasn't Lucrezia Borgia the original Pope Tart, because her father (Pope Alex VI) repeatedly married her off for political reasons.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Oh, snap, the Borgias! It's hard to beat them in any category of papal shenanigans.

– March 05, 2013 12:04 PM
Q.

Bacon

The modern phrase to "hold the phones" is "stop the ticker tape", because retro is the new fad. I shouldn't have told you about the free bacon. I suspect you will eat it all and they will kill the promotion for the rest of us.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

"Figure out how to halt this fixed-gear bike" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

– March 05, 2013 12:04 PM
Q.

Cheesey

I melt cheese on top of cheese, and then I put that between two slabs of cheese and then I dip that into cheese spread, and then I sprinkle cheese on top of it, and then I eat it. My doctor says I need a new diet.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

You should call it the Russian Action Cheese -- "it's a cheese riddle wrapped in a cheese mystery inside a cheese enigma. Sprinkled with cheese." As Churchill would doubtless have said.

– March 05, 2013 12:07 PM
Q.

Remember the original Sim City?

Nah, you were probably too young.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I remember some version of Sim City, and the original Sims. The original Sims, may I add, is depressingly like life. All my friends spent long amounts of time carefully decorating their Sims' living spaces, and I just got expensive mismatched wood paneling and leapt into forcing my Sims to make ill-advised relationship choices.

– March 05, 2013 12:10 PM
Q.

I thought it was

Called IT macaroni
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Yes, I stand corrected! Are the approximately six or so other responses where people noted this showing up?

(lashes self with a wet macaroni noodle)

– March 05, 2013 12:11 PM
Q.

Ponies with Caps

I didn't take time to go to IMDB and find it, but if you check that old Mickey Rooney movie The Black Stallion (1970s maybe?), I believe his pal-groom's old white cart horse is wearing a hat. A mildly crushed fedora or something if I recall correctly. Jes sayin'
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I think also at the end of "The Flying Deuces" with Laurel and Hardy, the Ollie horse is wearing some sort of hat or wig or something. Or possibly it's just a mustache.

To see your old movie reference and raise you an ANCIENT movie reference...

– March 05, 2013 12:13 PM
Q.

If we're gonna' go retro...

then how about "silence the dots and dashes" or "unsteam the iron horse". There's a whole untapped steam-punk retro genre to work with here, folks....
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Ooh, steampunk. Or if we wanted to go earlier, "Halt the pony express!"

"Tell that carrier pigeon to COME BACK!"

– March 05, 2013 12:14 PM
Q.

Re; The SIMs

But, Alex, aren't most poorly made relationship choices committed in rooms with wood panelling?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Usually those rooms have some other furniture. Besides, of course, the chess board and piano.

– March 05, 2013 12:15 PM
Q.

Sim City?

I liked the Tycoon games. I went virtually broke.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I loved "SimPark!" I can now identify all kinds of wild berries, provided I do not see them in the wild but am handed exactly the same picture of them that was included with the game.

– March 05, 2013 12:16 PM
Q.

How about a unicorn wearing a hat?

http://www.zappablamma.com/zb/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/unicorn.jpg
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I approve this message.

– March 05, 2013 12:17 PM
Q.

group mission

O, everyone, gather around. This means we all have an important missions: We must create create the first photographs ever on Google of "Ponies Wearing Hats." The future of society depends upon us!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Stop the dashes and dots! Get that pigeon back!

Let's get to the Photoshops!

– March 05, 2013 12:18 PM
Q.

the expression "hold the phones" -- that's getting into "selling like hotcakes" territory. What's the modern equivalent?

I was on hold with Verizon and the recording told me to "DIAL" 1 (not "press")
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Oh, wow.

That's like airplanes telling you to turn your pagers off. As I think numerous others have quipped, "Yup. Did that. In 1997."

– March 05, 2013 12:21 PM
Q.

The future of society depends upon us!

Electrical gear gives an edge not a guarantee. Stay sharp!
A.
Alexandra Petri :

On that note, I think I may have to wrap up soon! Gotta go cap the pony!

That sounds like a strange euphemism.

– March 05, 2013 12:24 PM
Q.

Hey, don't send that tweet yet!

No -- on further examination, this phrase does not exist. Sorry.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Truth!

"Don't have sent that tweet" certainly does, though.

– March 05, 2013 12:24 PM
Q.

or does it explode?

Which of the great poets of the past would tweet their poems? Why don't more of today's poets tweet? Are these questions linked?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Possibly.

Emily Dickinson would probably have tweeted a lot. But on the other hand she might have been so busy doing that that she might not have written any poems.

– March 05, 2013 12:26 PM
Q.

Hats off (and on) to you!

Photoshop? Why, I expect ponies actually wearing hats will be the next new fad.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Hey, humans wearing horse hats has been a thing. Why not ponies wearing human hats?

Could happen!

– March 05, 2013 12:26 PM
Q.

Capture the spirit

You cap my pony, my gang will have to cap yours.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

HORSE BRUTALITY!

– March 05, 2013 12:29 PM
Q.

horses wearing caps

I have these in my memory from last-century rural scenes -- possibly paintings, possibly photos, possibly cartoons (possibly dreams?). Straw hat with ear-holes for the horse's ears. Not sure about the feather.
A.
Alexandra Petri :

I have dim recollections of these as well!

– March 05, 2013 12:29 PM
Q.

And just yesterday...

I got a Food Network email with "50 Macaroni and Cheese recipes" -- is there a movie in the works? Is this an awesome example of promotional shytergy?
A.
Alexandra Petri :

Sounds like it!

On that note, keep reading the Compost! And I would call it macaroni if you were to follow me on Twitter!

...I'm not using that right, am I?

– March 05, 2013 12:29 PM
Q.

 

A.
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