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Do the usual pre-war drill: entrench your habits and interests, plant a small victory garden, and hoard things. No worries about a draft, unless you or your relatives are drones.

Well noted! We had half a Halloween chat once, and then never again.

I do enjoy some candles, in spite of my personal war on the too-early advent of Advent...

Wake me when the British Bacon Marketing Board has stocking stuffers.

(I'm about to order six.)

Thank you for that! I'll be sure to check out Umani the next time I head to LA!

And yeah, I second the slowness. Everyone was so polite about it that I didn't notice at the time, and I had my live-tweeting to occupy me, but it did take a while.

No, obviously.

Do you want a serious answer? I'm guessing from your spelling that you don't.

I think that might be considered fraternization with the enemy.

WE HAVE SQUIRREL BOPPER! WE CANNOT BE STOPPED! (WO)MAN THE BARRICADES!

That's great!

"We're a dazed and wandering elephant and you're a GPS unit that keeps saying, 'Recalculating' in a disapproving tone when we're trying to park" doesn't quite have the ring of yours, though.

At this juncture, were it slightly later, I would recommend hot chocolate and a good book.

My elementary school self would recommend hot orange juice with a marshmallow in it and a good book, but no one ever listened to her.

They also have a Cthulhu sweater, which is -- I want to say "cute," but that can't possibly be the word.

They also serve who only stand and wait!

It all started with a piece on FoxNews.com...

But I'm sure it will spiral out of control in a few weeks, with everyone amassing arsenals of cats and hissing at each other as they pass in the street.

That's true. That was a bad choice of words. Advent exists in the same hermetically sealed realm where all church holidays exist -- at a sort of right angle to the real world's calendar. No candles yet.

I should also note that when you said "Under Lincoln" I was worried it was going to be a movie spoiler. I haven't gone yet, but when I do I am definitely wearing a top hat and shouting a lot.

My guess, after the Romney snafu, is it's Big Bird.

Things I Publicly State That I Enjoy and Things I Actually Have In My Apartment are two lists with remarkably little overlap. For instance, I am out of bacon.

Peace on earth, goodwill to men? Sounds fishy to me!

As long as this doesn't conclude with the nightmare scenario where we swap out all the old scanning rhyming pronouns for more inclusive ones that neither rhyme nor scan.

I worry about the larger implications of this rating for the chatter's life.

"My marriage? Oh, it's great. We haven't seen each other since 1994, when my spouse sent me an unpleasant postcard."

"John Carter? Oh yeah, pretty good. Midway through I put out one of my eyes in hope that it might make the film shorter. I'd see it again."

Oh wow, that's the best child-rearing news I've heard all week! Admittedly, it's also the only child-rearing news I've heard, but that should in no way diminish it. Well done!

Ah, "interior designers and touchy-feely people," causing house fires from time immemorial.

That description really tickles me. I know just the candle-havers you mean.

Yes, these dolls never cease to amaze and alarm me. I don't understand why they haven't caught on over here! I would pay serious money to pick up a load at Macy's.

I think DC contains many nicer guys than it gets credit for, although I am reassured by my friends that the Self-Important Obnoxious Stereotype Who Insists On Introducing Himself To The Waiter In A Way That Implies The Waiter Should Probably Get His Autograph Now, While The Getting Is Good does exist and is exactly as exhausting as described.

Personally, I want to bring back the "squirmish."

I'm guessing not Lysistrata.

Oh wow! If this trend continues, he will have some stern words for Guy Fieri when he's older.

This is one of those chicken-and-leg articles I wonder about. Did someone sit down and say, "Hey, female anchors are finally able to wear fitting dresses and be taken seriously!" or did someone say, "Hey, if I write about how female anchors can wear dresses now and be taken seriously, we will get to plaster a shot of what you describe as 'anchor-babes' legs' on the homepage?"

Doesn't negate the message, though. I hope.

There's a certain relief in rudeness. Too much politeness can be weirdly stifling.

You called it!

That might be the first time those folks succeeded in starting a trend. "Akin Hair" still hasn't caught on.

That being said, sometimes I wonder if there isn't a certain element of straw misogyny out there too. If you actually rounded up all the people who legitimately think ladies should be in the kitchen raising babies, opinionless, I wonder if the number is as large as the echo they make whenever someone says something that seems to identify him as one. It's getting to be like yeti sightings -- lots of fuss, but not so many photographs. Or is it? How deep is the iceberg?

But that's another week.

+5

I think that last question is deeply important. My guess from the limited times I've been on sets is that it's cold, because if it weren't, the lights would melt everyone.

I'm not sure how much worse it could have been. I think the closest you might come would be to say that it was delicious, wonderful, poetry in motion, but that as you left you thought you spotted a rat in the kitchen stirring something.

Oh wow, that sounds idyllic!

I miss when you could eat things made with snow. I was always reading books where that was the case as a child, and all my efforts to pour maple syrup into the snow were constantly thwarted by my frantic parents, shouting about pollution and dysentery.