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Ha!

But didn't he also run for President this year in, I want to say, Hawaii?

Dinosaurs for politeness!

Although the more we learn about dinosaurs, the less terrifying I find them. It turns out there's no such thing as a brontosaurus, for instance. It's an apatosaurus with the wrong head.

Maybe we should compromise with Saber-Toothed Tigers for Politeness. Those retain their power to terrify.

I think Miss Bargleface is an acceptable compromise.

(This refers to this interview, by the way.)

Indirect hi, Mark Hamill!

And it's not just Star Wars that he has to his credit. His Joker laugh continues to haunt my nightmares.

This just bolsters my update to the Warhol theory of universal celebrity, which is that in the future, everyone will be famous to 15 people.

There seems to be some debate on this question. I watched "The Hebrew Hammer" last night, and it implied the eleves were unionized, but it implied a lot of things I'm not entirely on board with, frankly.

Really? I found the sailing part to be less onerous than the rowing part.

This sounds like a great way to go if you're aiming for a lot of prompt "No" responses.

Movin' right along...

Someone reminded me of the P. J. O'Rourke quote re: Santa

"I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus."

But he's so over-covered in the mainstream media, and the comments on his YouTube videos are not up to the golden standard of Ron Paul commenters.

I sort of assumed that "comedy book store" was a way of putting "comic book store" that I hadn't heard before, in the sense that saying bemused means bewildered and amused is a definition of bemused I haven't heard before.

Before that, at least where rivers were concerned, it suggested "ford," but the rate of oxen loss was too high.

Forward it to people who won't answer your invites.

Elrond, on the other hand, is known for his open-shop policies.

It's rosacea!

Aha! It's growing on me as a coinage, actually. Then again I am the sort of person who thought for a long time that graphic novels were those things near the checkout with men on horseback whose shirts were constantly being blown open, and that a comic book was something by P. J. O'Rourke. 

He strikes me as more of a Jeffersonian Republican, frankly.

HA!

Although even T. Rex doesn't scare me so much anymore, not since I saw this.

Or he might be a [political philosophy you wish to insult] given that he doesn't exist, even if you believe in him, and his only solution to people's problems is to apply magic to them once a year.

Oh, true!

At least they aren't dwarves, the District 12-dwellers of the fairy tale realm.

Actually, I've been reading a lot of fairy tales lately, and there was one that referred to the same group of "three little men in a forest" as both elves and dwarves, and I was like, dang, Grimm Brothers, that's -- fableist.

Fortunately, they were relatively benign tiny wood-men, so it wasn't a case of defamation or anything.

I'm glad they have the Barenaked Ladies to speak for them.

Seriously!

EVERY house, Santa? EVERY house?

In the Clement Clarke Moore classic, it does say that "the stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth/and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath," so maybe he's even flying under the influence.

List? Sounds McCarthyite to me.

"I HAVE IN MY HAND A LIST OF 205 CHILDREN WHO WERE KNOWN TO THE SECRETARY OF STATE TO BE NAUGHTY!"

Actually, feathers spook me. Boa constrictor < Feather Boa Constrictor.

Soon we'll discover that "the thing with feathers that perches in the soul" is not, as Dickinson contended, hope, but instead some kind of soul-velociraptor.

Ha!

Actually, the real story behind this is just as interesting. All the misplaced heads date back to something called the Bone Wars, in the 19th century, when prominent paleontologists were destroying bones right and left in the effort to be first to name a new dinosaur. NPR did a piece on it. (Also, dibs on this for a play topic!)

Serious question, does anyone still read S. J. Perelman? I know people read humorists from before him and after him, but I was under the impression he'd vanished into a historical pothole and our only contact with him was through Marx brothers movies.

Hey, First Lady issues were limited in those days...

I don't think P. J.'s God is up on his liberation theology...

Noooooo, the Keeblers!

What about the Elf on the Shelf? Or is he black ops?

Strong concur!

Nothing pains me more in my daily existence, unless I throw my hip out by walking too far in non-walking shoes (standing shoes?) than passing the Nike store where the Barnes and Noble used to be. If that's not a commentary on the supplanting of the mens sana with the corpore kinda sana but definitely wearing snazzy footwear, I don't know what is.

Goes without saying! The Wodehouse wing would be half the bookstore.

And don't forget Stella Gibbons, whose Cold Comfort Farm I just finished, laughing out loud for a whole airplane flight!

Thank heavens you do!

My one consolation as a devotee of Benchley and the rest of the "now-obscure" Algonquin gang who have slid out of print and only show up in books of Witty Things Algonquin Writers Said At Lunch One Time is that so many of their jokes hold up today, yet so few people read them, that, with minor restructuring, you have an instant joke advantage at cocktail parties.

Let me know what happens with your last burst of mangled radiation (probably just a straight Family Circus panel) before you vanish!

DANGIT INTERNET I WAS TRYING TO KEEP THIS FROM YOU

So Chrismas 2004.

It's so well-structured I can see why it would make a good one! I'll add that to my list!

I think a really good Comedy Bookstore would have a special Dave Barry Commemorative Bathroom with all his books lined up on the shelf, in proper display order and True Honor.

And anyone over 240 knows the only true Reds are those durn Redcoats.

Oh, hands down, goes without saying.

I was never entirely clear on Yoda's exact species.

Here he is in holiday garb, if it helps.

And if it's true about Rudolph being a communist, that would explain why the other reindeer were calling him names.

That's true, there is a strong Hamiltonian streak there, given that he is a Titan of Industry. I take it back.

Perhaps, after all, the lesson is that there is enough in Santa Claus to suit him for all of our kickball teams.

"And you say you're visiting every household in the United States to deliver this... product? Also, we have an outstanding warrant for your arrest after a hit-and-run incident involving Grandma and a reindeer."

Aw, but where would the fun be in that?

And on that note, have a grand week! Keep reading the Compost and feel free but unobligated to follow me on Twitter!

Oh, that sounds great! Those are classics!