Live Q&As

I think there's a bureau on top of a mountain somewhere guarded by the Old Spice guy and half a dozen beer commercials.

Well, as my Google profile would tell you, I am for all advertising purposes a sixty-five year-old man with a strong interest in Politics and Logic (I forget what the second one is; it really can't be Logic), I'm not sure we want to follow this thought to its logical conclusion. All my ideas of what comprises a sexy rebranding are from the 1890s, and mainly consist of my dying in bicycle accidents. And my efforts to jump out of cakes are always derailed by the fact that, dang, cake is great; why would you ruin a perfectly good cake by jumping out of it?

I did enjoy that turn of phrase...

Well, I'm glad you asked! I finished the two-month-old eggs this morning! (Hey, what didn't kill me last week...)

I think, as Jeeves says, that more fish is always good for the grey matter. And I would dispute your idea that Romney's time travel suggests his mind is going. To the contrary, he has vivid visual images of events before his birth -- clearly, his memory is better than any of ours. The only thing before my birth I recollect is a lot of shouting that I am pretty sure was the Alamo.

I am always amazed by the strong spanking presence in this chat, something Google's profile of me has yet to foresee!

I think, though, that with a name like Mayor Nutter, it's amazing that appearing in videos like this is not his first career.

Yes, did everyone see this?

No, the Fix is over elsewhere --

Oh. Er. Hello.

I hear Tralfamidor is lovely this time of year.

Clearly they've stopped inviting him to benefit concerts.

Next you'll be seeing Sheryl Crow.

These people's lives literally consist of wandering the landscape in perpetual search of a benefit concert where they can perform songs with strange, baffling, complacent lyrics. Please, someone do America a kindness and book them both for a string of bars mitzvah or sweets sixteen, just to keep them away. Honestly, a Kid Rock performance is the only thing that could make the atmosphere at a Romney rally less jovial.

A wise friend of mine once noted that dating in the modern era consists of a long dance of pretending that you haven't Googled the other person.

But read one's browser history? There is no one whose browser history, if broadcast, would not fill the world at large with shame and horror, to mangle a Maugham quote.

This being said, I think we all understand that It's Not How It Looks! Those earches were because I was researching the Supreme Court decision and not because of a personal interest in crushing small rodents underfoot.

The thing I'd judge most would be a person whose search history had nothing incriminating in it at all. That would be the biggest red flag of all. That -- and a few hunts for duct tape -- would imply a serial killer.

ARRRRR AVAST!

Well, you can't accuse me of going mainstream or turning into Danica Patrick on you, anyway...

I'm sure there were a few expert bricklayers sitting there as the sun went dark and frogs coated the land being like, "I never voted for that Moses guy. I hope I won't have to pay dues, because this seems pretty expensive, production-values wise." (Water Turns To Blood) "Oh, yeergh, as soon as the sun comes back, I'm starting an open shop."

That is always, no joke, my number one question about the People Who Jump Out Of Cakes. (It's like The Men Who Stare At Goats, but, er, not.) I can only assume there's a well-reinforced box covered in layers of sheet cake? I don't know. I will gladly jump demurely out of someone's cake if doing so will provide us with answers.

Oh, that was a great line too! What a perfect quote. I don't always like Dowd, but when she nails it, she still nails it.

That is creepy.

It could be a preliminary welcome email from the AARP? I assume that's sort of the Stones' main role now, the lobby band at the home proving how hip it is inside.

Well, I appreciate your persistence and dedication! +10, sir or madam!

Mom? I thought we agreed you weren't going to comment in the chat!

Look, if there's one thing the Rolling Stones' continued survival has taught me, it's that you can't really believe the expiration dates on things.

See, there we go!

Whenever something like this happens, just remember how much grief the person was spared in his or her lifetime by the lack of a Dislike button.

Wow. 

Well, that's a thought we'll have to carry around for the rest of our lives.

Those are the only votes that matter!

Is she related to Blueberry Hill?

I like it! There's actually a sketch video based on this concept, but speaking of incriminatory Google searches, it wasn't coming up in the first few pages.

I know! I wasn't making this up! The only reason they were making those videos and subjecting the Supreme Court to them was because people are actually into this sort of thing. Caveat chatter, I haven't clicked the link, and it could be to Ron Paul just smiling slowly and tilting his head back and forth, or something.

Yeah! Although he was much fonder of tax collectors than most of his self-proclaimed representatives on earth would probably like.

Wow, +10 as well. And yes, I think that does work!

As o'er my latest book I pored,
Enjoying it immensely,
I suddenly exclaimed 'Good Lord!'
And gripped the volume tensely.
'Golly!' I cried. I writhed in pain.
'They've done it on me once again!'
And furrows creased my brow.
I'd written (which I thought quite good)
'Ruth, ripening into womanhood,
Was now a girl who knocked men flat
And frequently got whistled at',
And some vile, careless, casual gook
Had spoiled the best thing in the book
By printing 'not'
(Yes,'not', great Scott!)
When I had written 'now'.

On murder in the first degree
The Law, I knew, is rigid:
Its attitude, if A kills B,
To A is always frigid.
It counts it not a trivial slip
If on behalf of authorship
You liquidate compositors.
This kind of conduct it abhors
And seldom will allow.
Nevertheless, I deemed it best
And in the public interest
To buy a gun, to oil it well,
Inserting what is called a shell,
And go and pot
With sudden shot
This printer who had printed 'not'
When I had written 'now'.

I tracked the bounder to his den
Through private information:
I said, 'Good afternoon', and then
Explained the situation:
'I'm not a fussy man,' I said.
'I smile when you put "rid" for "red"
And "bad" for "bed" and "hoad" for "head"
And "bolge" instead of "bough".
When "wone" appears in lieu of "wine"
Or if you alter "Cohn" to "Schine",
I never make a row.
I know how easy errors are.
But this time you have gone too far
By printing "not" when you knew what
I really wrote was "now".
Prepare,' I said, 'to meet your God
Or, as you'd say, your Goo or Bod,
Or possibly your Gow.'

A few weeks later into court
I came to stand my trial.
The Judge was quite a decent sort.
He said, 'Well, cocky, I'll
Be passing sentence in a jiff,
And so, my poor unhappy stiff,
If you have anything to say,
Now is the moment. Fire away.
You have?'
I said, 'And how!
Me lud, the facts I don't dispute.
I did, I own it freely, shoot
This printer through the collar stud.
What else could I have done, me lud?
He'd printed "not"...'
The judge said, 'What!
When you had written "now"?
God bless my soul! Gadzooks!' said he.
'The blighters did that once to me.
A dirty trick, I trow.
I hereby quash and override
The jury's verdict. Gosh!' he cried.
'Give me your hand. Yes, I insist,
You splendid fellow! Case dismissed.'
(Cheers, and a Voice 'Wow-wow!')

A statue stands against the sky,
Lifelike and rather pretty.
'Twas recently erected by
The P.E.N. committee.
And many a passer-by is stirred,
For on the plinth, if that's the word,
In golden letters you may read
'This is the man who did the deed.
His hand set to the plough,
He did not sheathe the sword, but got
A gun at great expense and shot
The human blot who'd printed "not"
When he had written "now".
He acted with no thought of self,
Not for advancement, not for pelf,
But just because it made him hot
To think the man had printed "not"
When he had written "now".'

(PG Wodehouse)

In case you were wondering how long it took the late 90s - Mid Thousands to make it to Slovakian pedestrians, you have your answer!

Is Chuck Norris still happening? He endorsed Newt Gingrich, which I thought was a polite way to say, "No."

I still would like him to dismantle the ceremonial chain, however.

All this time I thought LA was full of bad drivers, but it turns out it's just full of rich people! Who are bad drivers. So, I guess, potato, gilded potato.

Oh good, culture isn't dead!

This is basically exactly like that moment when some guy came straggling out of the Middle and Dark Ages with the Iliad fully memorized, and if you think I'm being sarcastic, you clearly don't know my deep and sincere respect for Sir Mix-A-Lot.

I was hoping David Hasselhoff...

This reminds me of a great XKCD...

Oh, interesting -- so poverty is thelyphthoric?

I see that and offer you colaphized, which is how I feel whenever these needless, retrograde discussions about What Women Deserve come up. If I'm using it right.

Heh!

The trouble is that I am not sure Facebook knows the answer to your question either. It's what South Park would call an Underpants Gnomes problem.

I mean, Ann uses Pinterest like a pro. I defy Jane to do likewise.

Also, Mitt Romney just said something, I have to go.

But please keep reading the Compost and feel free but unobligated to follow me on Twitter!