Live Q&As

I really don't think that most progressive people want a color-blind society because that would diminsh everything that makes all of us unique. Black people are pretty much like everybody else and we can be narrow minded and we especially tend to view those who disagree with us as race traitors. I think the less secure you are the more you are likely to use that kind of language. I think the beauty of the human experience and the black experience is our diversity. I was very pleased that at the colorism workshop  a married lesbian couple was in attendance, as was an Afro-centric educator, and they were respectful and accepting toward one another. I think that narrow mindedness needs to be and should be challeneged, especially the whole "are you black enough" conversation. We really should be past that  and you should challenge it when you are in the presence of or the victim of what I call racial bullying.

Yes, it is a global phenomenon, and actually it is much more pronouned and accepted in Asia and India than in the U.S. where at least we have a discussion critiquing it. The roots in the U.S. are in the slave system which created a division among blacks along lines of color and hair texture and facial features. Blacks who had white blood and looked more like whites were treated better than blacks who did not. They could be freed, get education and access to higher status even within the slave system.

The chat is definitely on!

I have met numerous whites who are able to see and appreciate the distinct beauty of black people and I think that is a good thing . Because of the fact that there is really not as much interaction between blacks and whites as people assume, it is quite possible that you would meet many African Americans unfamiliar with the range of ways that white people can look, just as there are whites who are unfamiliar with the wide range of ways that blacks can look and still be black.  We tend to think in this country very, very narrowly about race, mch more than in other countries and so we tend to think you can only either be black or white and disregard other possibilities.

The paper bag test was an actual "test" that people would be submitted to if they wanted to join a particualr church, club, fraternity, sorority. If their skin was darker than a brown paper bag they would not be admitted.  This test flourished in the 1920's through the 1940's. That kind of test is no longer used but I think it is embedded in our thought process, and we use it mentally by default in a lot of interactions.

I think this is an issue that we all need to be concerned about even if we feel we have not been victimized by colorism. Even if we feel we have not been victimized by the beleif system, which is highly unlikely because of its pervasiveness and subtlety and overtness, we have probably witnessed others made victims. Just as we would talk back to or not tolerate racism we should feel the same way about colorism. I feel that there is so much shame and anguish about the topic we have given ourselves as a race a pass on discussing it because we feel it is just too hard to deal with. But today there are many in the black community willing to discuss it. Many people feel it is too big and can't be solved, but it can be challenged and changed. Many  people do not know how to talk about it and since they don't see others talking aout it they feel it does not need to be addressed.

Oh definitely. One of the most important things I realized when writing my book "Don't Play in the Sun" was the depth of pain that my light-skinned sisters have experienced around colorism. The ways in which they are both lusted after and loathed and marginalized and told they are not really black and can't be trusted. It has been very helpful for light-skinned women to share these stories with brown to black women because we are actually ALL victims in this and yes, your voice should definitely be heard. When light-skinned women shared their experiences in the workshop their stories were honored and appreciated.

I think that is one way to  enable people to enlarge and expand the ways we think about people visually, because I agree with you that we do need to move beyond skin color and race as the primary markers of who people are. However, we also need to strip these terms -- dark skinned and light skinned, etc. -- of their toxic meanings.  We CAN  train ourselves to use these words as what they are simply -- a description NOT a judgement. I have no problem with people calling me brownskinned or even dark skinned, but there is so much emotion about this topic that most people hear the words as judgement and mostly negative judgement if they are dark or positive or negative depending onwhat is being said about the person being described if they are light. I think that is a good exericse that would go hand in hand with demystifying and detoxifying words that  are just words but words that we impose charged meanings on.

I hear in your words a lot of justified anger and resentment and pain. Most of what you shared is about what others in your family have done, have thought, have said or have chosen around color and race. My advice to you is to begin the journey of looking inside yourself and healing yourself. You simply will not be able to alter the colorist choices in your family. You can however work to grow your own pride and self love and self acceptance. I urge you to look more inside than outside, read books that will help you on this journey, like mine,  "Don't Play in the Sun," and even seek counseling to work through these feelings. I hate to think of you carrying this emotional baggage. Look in the mirror at the beautiful woman you are and work on her! This is a lifetime and life long journey that begins with the first step