Live Q&As

Well, it's dropped to 21 percent, but I find that appalling, and I think the ladies need to answer for this.  C'mon, there's serious humor in the cluelessness, if nothing else, isn't there?  

You know who also would have been upset?  Callahan.  

I seem to be in the minority in thinking that the spanking one is the worst.   

Date Lab saves the world

This is Date Lab.  What's wrong with it being guaranteed to be awkward? 

I've heard an interesting theory.   That the drug era made the hitters so much better that the pitchers had to become supermen, to counteract this.    

Exactly!   See the next answer. 

Breitbart should out his source on this.  The source, or the source's source, has no plausible deniability here--someone went to a lot of trouble to frame low-profile, innocent black people in both cases, apparently for the fun of it.  This person never gets to be a source again.  I don't think he WILL out his source--his biggest reaction so far has been to accuse the farmer's wife of lying--so I don't think Breitbart gets to be a journalist ever again.  Oh, wait, you asked Gene.  Sorry. 

I'll add, if Rachel permits me, that I don't think Carlson did bad.    The journolist thing was quite unwise; as a lefty, I wince to read it, but I think it was fair game. 

Rachel's right about Breitbart. 

There is the matter of organic corn, which can be totally eaten up by worms but look fine on the outside. 

Suck it up, Manteuffel.   Buy a few extra ears.  Don't ruin the corn for people who know how to make it. 

No, I couldn't find any of those online!  I found them in old issues of Tropic.   

I agree about the splaying.   It's plain rude.  And ugly.   I disagree about the bag: I wouldn't do it unless there were a LOT of seats available.    It's not your right to force someone into one of, say, two available seats.  

This is not remotely plagiarism.   The writer did her own work, reinterviewed people I interviewed, etc.   It is lazy journalism.    

Me too.  If they didn't zap you with the tastelessness I'm not sure they would be much funny at all.  

Rachel's right -- the shock is part of the humor, because they are making fun of the fact that these subjects are taboo.   

Well, the old nobel savage is Henry Kissinger. 

I cannot improve on Rachel's answer. 

You corn boilers are so pathetic.   That should be a new term for a rube.   Cornboiler. 

Fine.  And I will pee on your squash. 

Because the chat was there. 

Okay, I'd love this to be true, but I bet the sample sizes invalidate this.   

Yeah, it was mostly about his blindness, as was the piece about his hallucinations.  I needed to choose between them. 

It's especially amazing since Thel is 75 years old. 

And this is more amazing:  Back in 1960, she had a bigger butt.  And the Dad was older, and was a lush.   

I love refudiate.   It actually surprised me because it told me that, on some level, Palin knew the words "refute" and "repudiate."  

My favorite stupid made-up word is "allegator."  As in, one who alleges.   

Pat the Perfect made the point that women under 40 have NO IDEA the sorts of astonishingly sexist things were considered fine not very long ago.   These ads are not all that old.  

Okay, now there is one ad that I don't actually consider sexist.  Hardly at all.   The "burn the beer" one.    Aside from the fact that the woman cooked the meal -- and is dressed as a domestic -- it's just funny.  He's being nice to her.   I don't find that objectionable, hardly. 

The funniest one, by far, is "projection."  

A great book, with a great title.    Also, he once approved a headline for a story about him:  Tales from the Crip.  

One great thing Callahan had in the book:  When he was a kid, his mom used to serve fish sticks all the time.  He hated them because he heard it as "fish dicks."

My whole family shucks together.

It is pretty much the end of civilization. 

It was great!  and not over.  Eight, if Hooker Play doesn't help you find it. 

Rachel is amazing in this play. 

A big difference, I think, between this, the Jewel karaoke thing and Gene and Joshua Bell's thing is that Jewel and blind item guy have songs considered theirs that we've all heard.  The L'Enfant Plaza thing was beautiful music you'd probably never heard before.  Unless Gene disagrees. 

Like she cares if I disagree. 

But I don't disagree.   

Indeed.  This is a perfect example of the downside of "Comments. "  The subject line refers to my recent column noting that Comments seem to be an odd thing -- spit-flying rants that are appended to products that at least try for dignity and objectivity.   I said it was as if " your sirloin steak came with a side of maggots."

Below the Beltway

Sigh.  Okay, this is a continuation of a discussion from some weeks ago -- my guess, by the same person, who cannot let it drop.   He or she cannot let it drop because he or she  is miffed that I, by implication, called him or her an incurious person because he or she grew up in the 1960s and did not try marijuana.     He or she is attempting to challenge this assertion by throwing out spurious comparables.   Well, we are not fooled, mizz or mister.   I stand my ground.  

I did not contend that you and others like you are boring or unworthy, as a person.  I contended, however, that unless there were certain unusual factors at play -- a familial tendency toward addiction, other health exigencies, youthful Clintonian concerns such as retaining your political viability, etc, you and people like you are, or were, lacking curiosity.  

Using marijuana in the 1960s was not remotely comparable to skydiving, sexual experimentation outside your orientation,  or running with the bulls --  and the fact that you equate them seems to neatly prove my point, and then some.   I didn't mean to suggest, nor do I believe, that failure to smoke grass in the 1960s was a form of cowardice, though in your case it seems to have been!  You compare it to highly reckless behavior.      

A young adult in the 1960s saw marijuana all around him -- in popular culture, among friends,  -- oversold as a magic elixir that enhances creativity (partially true; see The Beatles), makes food taste better (true), gives an erotic boost to lovemaking (often), encourages depth and clarity of thinking (false), enhances the likelihood of inspirational thinking (occasionally true) and whatnot.  It was illegal, but in most places the risk of penalty was small, and the thrill of being a demi-outlaw offered a bit of a frisson.   Mostly, the users knew how preposterous were the warnings about the evil weed, and were gaily conspiring in a screw-the-man movement.  And it was fun. 

I can see many valid reasons why someone might still have abstained, given all this, but those people did not have an abundance of curiosity -- what curiosity they had was outweighed by factors such as fear of being bad, concerns about health, worries about losing control of oneself, etc.  All fine, but if these things overwhelm your curiosity over something THAT omnipresent and interesting... curiosity is not your strong suit.

That's all I was saying.  In YOUR case, however, I now add wussiness and weeniedom.    Take it like a man.  Or woman.     

You'll be reading about one in an upcoming column. 

I know!  It's awful. 

Glad to help:  if a line were drawn from knee to knee, the triangle made by your legs has to be strongly isosceles.  Anything approaching equilateral is very, very bad. 

IF he gets a poll.

He did.  The one about dogs.    Prine is a big Callahan fan.   Callafan. 

I really need to make this a crusade.    You corn-boilers are not BAD people.  You are IGNORANT people.   But once you have been told THE WAY now, and if you choose to ignore it, you are consigned to hell.   

Well, this isn't really helpful, but this is a discussion you should have had long ago.   My feeling is that children are a huge stress on a marriage; don't have them unless either 1) you are both completely committed to the idea, and enthusiastic about it, or 2) the one who is more committed to children is willing to sacrifice the marriage, and risk single parenthood, and all that entails, if it doesn't work out.  

Sorry.   

My guess is that if your husband is unenthusiastic about children, getting up at 4 a.m. is not going to make him more enthusiastic.  

Correct.  I am not sure I have ever used (sic).  It's snide, in part because it is Latin.  Have just re-read "The Fiddler in The Subway" (now available at startlingly low prices) I noted several places where I scrupulously AVOIDED using (sic). 

In one story, about people banding together to save a trapped starling, I noted that "the sign had been written in haste but with good intention."  (sign: "Animal Control is Comming.")

In another, I simply noted that the cozy sign outside the home of Adele Coffelt, the woman who would prove to be the mother of Bill Clinton's half brother, said, "The Coffelt's."    The point is better made, in each case, through understatement. 

If Gene ever finds out I'm not testing these questions for freshness...

Rachel can be very, very cruel. 

Thank you.  I'm guessing someone has done it before; there are SO many ideas out there.   

But I know the truth.   I am obliged to proselytize. 

This is another way to say it, yes. 

I don't want to be cruel here, but if they are stupid enough to boil their corn, they are stupid enough to not know good corn from bad.  For example, they probably favor large kernels.  Cause they think they are "meatier." 

It depends.  Are you interested in purchasing advertising in The Washington Post?

Maderia in Gene's column

No!   Becky Madeira was great.    

Okay, I'll accept this.  Though I believe there has never before been a year with three perfect games. 

I am a maniac.  I pre-answer dozens of questions in the hours before the chat.    Shhh.  The Post thinks I am a fast-pitch genius. 

Hm.  This concerns me because I disrespect people who always take offense on behalf of others.  Can we hear from another cashier?  If you guys don't mind, I'll withdraw my opinion. 

Wow.  the trapped hair is particularly scary. 

In a Palin-esque way, Warren Harding -- another high-visibility moron --  invented "normalcy."   It eventually became a word.  

I don't think that was happenstance.  I think that woman was chosen for ditz appeal.  She resembles Goldie Hawn's ditz character.   Right era, too. 

You soak for 20 minutes to 45 minutes.  Put it in the grill wet. 

Wow!   That is spectacular.   Ozark Dental would be a little better.  

Here is how I analyze the movie: Vastly overrated because it is essentially an adolescent what-is-reality movie, overlaid with middlin' action-drama fare.   There is a central cynicism at work: I can see the screenwriters thinking, "okay, how do we get car chases in here? "

Yes, but:  If a baby happens over one parent's objections, the chances of the baby becoming an emotional  wedge increases a hundredfold. 

Ethnic agitators reminds me:  What did we think of the "You're all yeller" Callahan cartoon?   I say: hilarious. 

There are two that I know of:

No matter how you twist and dance / the last few drops go down your pants.  

And, 

No matter how you shake your peg / the last few drops go down your leg. 

We established in an earlier chat that this is high normal.   I can guess, though, from your minute-long poops, that you are a girl.  Right?   No guy does this, and many women do. 

Okay, so, I just want to say that the video clip in here is completely brilliant.   And moving.   In the spirit of Callahan, in fact.    It is STUNNINGLY UNSAFE FOR WORK. 

But it's masterful comedy.    It's about a word.   

I see nothing ambiguous about it.  It is making a very clear point about the intersection of humor and pain.  

I won't.  But I think we're going to try to do the next few updates live.   I will try to make them manic and fast and make use of the video.   Maybe get some women here.  

In the oven, on broil.    About 20-25 minutes, until the husks are dark to black.   Keep turning them.  

While we're being obnoxious, this interview with the people who won the Director's Choice award is pretty awesome.   It was a very passionate, fearless show about being a loser.  My favorite sketch was about eight minutes long and was one person doing an impression of those sketches people do in talent shows where one person is the arms for another person and does prop humor.  Since I suck at explaining it, she was using her own arms and pretending they were someone else's pretending to be hers.  A lot of her vs. her arms antagonism--brilliant idea and very sharply performed.  I'm glad everyone cares about this. 

I am also right about the best part of the lobster being the elbows.     Then the claws.   Then the goo.   Last: The tail. 

They have to apply for friendship, then answer a grueling  questionnaire. 

You are very, very wrong.  

A baby doesn't really become a person until about three.    That's a long time to wait, sullenly. 

Fraulein Manteuffel?  Do you have an opinion on that? 

Before or after the same joke was in Hot Shots?

Here is a great unpublished headline, by Richard Harrington, for a review of a kung fu movie:

I Am Furious (Yellow)

That is such a girly view of what is basically an action movie! 

Man, this director was shrewd.       

I have admitted to possible error on the dark chocolate thing.   

Hm.  Okay.  

I don't think so.   But the book is only ten bucks, and you get 18 stories! 

Snowbound

You are correct, though use of the word with "flaming" does give one pause, no? 

Tounge!  

I was very disappointed with this year's crop:  Thick, thick skins like ear cartilage. 

Pilsner. 

Nice! 

1.  Just deserts, not desserts.   

2.  You are evil.   Inflicting damage on another's car, deliberately, out of pique, isn't right.   

Sigh.   Okay, I will answer this quickly, then cede the final, absolutely definitive answer to Mr. Rex Stout. 

First off, people don't just leave the corn open if it has insects; often, it just doesn't look the way they want their precisou corn to look before they boil all the taste out of it:  maybe the kernels are too big.  Or too small.  Or of the wrong color.   Or irregularly arrayed, displeasing their totalitarian sense of order.   The point is, in peeling the husk back, they have ruined this corn for the people who want a clean seal, because they know how to prepare corn the right way.   

I had almost forgotten this.  It is from the Nero Wolfe Cookbook, a section taken from a Nero Wolfe novel.   It is a conversation between Wolfe, a gourmet, and police inspector Cramer, who is, shall we say, not: 

Wolfe:  It must be nearly mature, but not quite, and it must be picked not more than three hourse before it reaches me.  Do you eat sweet corn?

Cramer: Yes. You're stalling. 

Wolfe: No.  who cooks it? 

Cramer: My wife....

Wolfe: Does she cook it in water?

Cramer: Sure.  Is yours cooked in beer?

Wolfe:  No. Millions of American women, and some men, commit that outrage every summer day.   They are turning a superb treat into mere provender.   Shucked and boiled in water, sweet corn is edible and nutritious; roasted in husk in the hottest possible oven for forty minutes, shucked at the table, and buttered and salted, nothing else, it is ambrosia.  No chef's ingenuity and imagination have ever created a finer dish.  American women should themselves be boiled in water. 

Pat the perfect informs me that she roasts corn in the microwave, in the husk, two minutes per ear, and that it's great.

Now, I love and respect Pat, and she is a more than competent cook, but I am not sure about her food reviews.  I have personally witnessed her rendered deliriously happy by a mediocre Chinese restaurant meal.   In other words, I cannot vouch for her corn system, but plan to try it.  

By the way, it is okay to hate Pat:  She is a tiny woman who can eat like a horse and remain a tiny woman.  

Hahahahaha.  He would've said Grimaldi's.

I would not have.  I would have said you have to go to the Bronx.    Find the crappiest looking place.   

The closest I have found is Mama Lucia's in Bethesda.  Their plain pizza.    Not perfect, but close.  It's about grease. 

Hm.  I'm not seeing this!    

My biggest concern is Sunday:  It's really squashed, smaller than most other strips.   Squashing isn't bad for some simply drawn strips, but in ours, it really makes it hard to follow.   I hate it that the strip often looks better online than in print.   This one kind of disappeared in print. 

I know of only one other.    Interestingly, Richard Thompson is a good friend of David Clark, who draws us.  

Callahan created dramatic problems for editors.   He once had a cartoon of a blind black man begging for change.  His sign says "Blind and black with no musical ability."

Tom and I laughed at this and were about to put it in Tropic when we got into a discussion about why it was funny.  We decided that, ultimately, it was racially insensitive, suggesting that if you are black and blind, you only have a shot at supporting yourself through music.  

We probably were being overly sensitive.  I think I'd run it now.  

I just saw it a second time, to make sure my first judgment was right.   I did so after reading a Twitter post by the great Roger Ebert.  Ebert liked it a  lot.   

He was wrong.   It was a movie that pretended to depth, but ultimately offered cliche:  Chase scenes, shootouts, and adolescent musings on What Is Reality?    To make it work, the filmmaker had to create preposterous leaps of logic.  

There are dozens of Inception spoofs on the web.  This is my favorite.  

Neither of these is a great headline.   But it does remind me I need to set a record straight.    In a previous update I took credit for a headline I didn't write.   It was on a story about a man who cleaned porta-potties for a living.  The headline was "Waste Is A Terrible Thing to Mind."   I had edited the section, but hadn't written that headline:  It was a Pat The Perfect special.   

In the same series of stories about Bad Jobs was one about a man who got paid to watch convicts urinate into cups.  The story was written by "Eric Wee."  Not a coincidence.  I assigned the stories. 

No, I cannot explain.   I think it is a very effective ad, though the president has a bit cliche white-guy look.  Our presidents, however, have mostly been cliche white guys.  So, no.  I like the ad.    But I'll put it out there: Who hates this ad, and why? 

Gene Weingarten does not respond to questions like this.   They are beneath him.  

No, but I am very grateful for this.    Speaking of Pat the Perfect, she once discovered that The Washington Post was an anagram for Wet Hogs In Hot Pants.    

This was back in the day when anagrams still meant something about creativity, before the anagram finder tools made it all rote. 

I don't know if you are serious, or a troll, but just in case:  Being biased against black people or gay people -- which I am not --  is not comparable to being biased against conservative Republicans, which I am.    The first group does not represent conscious choice, nor does it describe what is at the center of a person.   It does not go toward a person's worthiness. 

One's political position is elective, and indicative of what kind of person you are.    

So, yes.  I have many biases for which I do not apologize:  I am biased against rapists, serial killers, people who squirt semen from atomizers onto strangers, people who ride their bicycles on the sidewalks, and conservative republicans.   

I completely disagree.   I think it was one of the few good decisions the filmmaker made.   He refused a cliched, wrap-everything-up-comfortably end.

I felt the same about "Up In The Air."  It would have been a bad movie with the obvious easy, happy end.    They made the right choice. 

Okay, THIS will be a controversial answer.   I think if it is impossible to transport the critically ill cat, I would euthanize him.   

Sorry.   I love animals fiercely, but this is an extraordinary situation.  

Because those are not jokes about killing puppies, beheading people with ceiling fans, or yelling "yer all yella" at Chinese people.    This is actually an interesting discussion. 

1.  A man is selling puppies on the street; the Grim Reaper has arrived with her three Grim Reaper children.  They are jumping around excitedly, saying "Mommy, mommy!   Can we kill the puppies?"   This is a joke about how puppies are so universally beloved that it is sacrilege to say anything negative about them.  It is also about the silliness of the Grim Reaper idea.   

2.  Headless people are stumbling out of a restaurant, with blood spurting from their necks.  The restaurant is named "The Low Ceiling-Fan Cafe."   This is a joke about the pretension of theme restaurants. 

3.  A cowboy stands on the Great Wall of China, yelling out, "Yer all yella."   This is a joke about silly cowboy language that is so outdated it probably never existed.  It is also about the pretensions of little, petty angry people.   And about PC oversensitivity.  It's daring people to be silly and take offense at this innocuous thing.   As you did. 

The only one that's NOT really funny is MLK.   That one has nothing going for it EXCEPT its outrageousness.  It's got no other point.